Chastity Games, Not Games

[Betterthansmith]

So this is all still new and while my better half is trying to be ok with the cage and the whole chastity thing, its still a bit freaky for her, and she's not naturally dominant (although her character changes slightly too when the cage is on..).

Anyway, time locked up is a conversation we're having. She still thinks a long time is cruel on me. I'm trying to explain its beneficial for both mer and her....

Anyway (again), a dice game was discussed where two dice would be rolled - multiply one by the other and thats how many days I'm 'in'. At the end of that period, the two dice would be rolled and multiplied, and thats how many days I'm 'out', and so on... Its helped her make it more of a game for now.

My question is are there alternatives to this, or games or ideas that help ease an uncertain keyholder? I know there are a few other listings on here, but any thoughts on he above appreciated.

Thnks

[Rocky]

Your wife is progressing like many do. Mine was like that and after a few months wants to keep me in chastity indefinitely. We also started using dice and it is good because it lets you know how long you have to wait which does make it easier to be chaste. It also lets your wife see that nothing bad happens by denying your orgasms. In fact, if she is like my wife, she will notice how much nicer I am to live with when I have not had an orgasm for over a week.

My suggestion is to have frequent sex but no orgasm for you. She can have as many as she wants and gets to tease you. Believe it or not, that gets me through the next few days. Over time, the intense pleasure of just her touch will be more desirable for you than any ten second orgasm would. Also thank your wife every time she denies your orgasm. This lets her know that you are happy and pleased by her actions. You need to reinforce the idea that by denying your orgasms, she is pleasing you. Giving you orgasms when she feel guilty or obligated, does not please you. My wife finally has realized that I do not get mad if she does not let me cum and there are positive benefits for her by keeping me in chastity as long as she can.

I also suggest that you show your wife how chastity is affecting your relationship. I, for instance, started doing more things for her. I asked her what housework can be assigned to me. I offered full body and foot massages every day. I refrained from arguing and or disagreeing with her. I made her understand that by controlling my orgasms, she can make me the perfect husband. I also pointed out to her how different I was after an orgasm for the next few days. I told my wife that although I still did as she asked, I did not like it like I did when I was horny all the time. I also told her that I do not feel as good after an orgasm as I do when denied. After a few times, my wife saw it for herself.

My wife is now at the stage where she no longer feels guilty, obligated or pity about denying me an orgasm. She strictly makes her choice by deciding when she wants to put up with post-orgasm me. She told me that if it were up to her, she would never make me cum again but realizes that I will need occasional release to make sure the plumbing still works and to keep me doing more and more for her in hopes of getting an orgasm soon. I found that if I was faced with no prospect an orgasm for a few months or more, I would not bother trying to do all I can to gain her favor. I would not even continue like this at all. I just let my wife know that one or two orgasm every few months are agreeable to me. It is up to her to determine the exact number and when, It could be all in one weekend for instance so that she can keep me the way she wants me for a few months.

I think that is all I can suggest based on my experience. We made two attempts at chastity and the first attempt failed because my wife felt that she was being cruel and did not want to be one of those kind of wives she hates. We tried it again and it stuck. One game I used that worked very well was to design a game where both of us had undesired consequences. If I had an orgasm before two weeks, I would get paddled 25 times on my butt and start a 3 week period of chastity. If my wife let me cum before two weeks she had to do something she would not like. It worked as a charm and let my wife see that the earth did not end, I did not get mad at her and in fact told her every time we had sex that I was very proud and happy that she did not give in to all my begging and pleading. She learned that I would always want to cum every chance I could and would beg, plead and try to make her feel pity to cum. However, I would quickly regret having an orgasm afterwards and wish that she denied me.

So that is it. In short, let het know how thankful you are for her being strong and not giving in to you. Show her the benefits of keeping you in chastity. If she is still hesitant, try that game I mentioned above as it did the trick for us. In the end though, you need to decide how long YOU want to try for with no orgasm. If you want one a week and your wife does not, that can spell trouble and resentment. It works well when both of you are on the same wavelength. My wife and I agreed to see how long I can go and after a month discuss it. Good luck and know that you are proceeding the same way most of us did and it will all fall into place over time.

I forgot to mention that after the first few months I only am locked up when my wife is not home with me. I never wore mine outside as I do not masturbate there. Do not get hung up on the equipment because it is about chastity, not who has the most desirable chastity device or been locked up the most. Use the CD when you think your penis may start doing the thinking for you. No sense in living life uncomftable.

[Tame Lion]

I don't agree about games helping the situation. My wife, like yours, is just getting used to the idea of locking me up. She doesn't want to be cruel either. The key, I think, is to accommodate where she is now. It will just confuse things to devise ways to make her keep you in your cage longer. Instead, it might be better to let her do it her way. If she wants to take you out for exercise let her. It's her toy after all. Over time you will learn that it is her game and she will decide exactly what your role will be.

Too many people are so wrapped up in their fantasies that they want to script how their keyholders play with them. My wife is gradually developing her own style and I am working very hard not to top her from the bottom. So many people here and elsewhere are solo players who need to live in fantasies. These fantasies are often reported as real life. We are lucky enough to have real keyholders. Recognize that reality is very different than the sexy chastity fantasies. You gave her the key. Now just let go of control and let her decide what she wants to do.

I have been blogging about my adventure. Let me say that it is nothing like what I imagined and it takes all of my will and a lot of help from a friend to truly surrender. It's worth the effort.

[TwistedMister]

I don't agree about games helping the situation. My wife, like yours, is just getting used to the idea of locking me up. She doesn't want to be cruel either. The key, I think, is to accommodate where she is now. It will just confuse things to devise ways to make her keep you in your cage longer. Instead, it might be better to let her do it her way. If she wants to take you out for exercise let her. It's her toy after all. Over time you will learn that it is her game and she will decide exactly what your role will be.

There is no single answer that applies to *everyone*. Every couple is different, and for some, some sort of 'game of chance' helps to relieve anxiety and guilt. If a 'game' works for a couple, then they should use that method until it doesn't work for them and they want to do something different.

Mrs. Twisted was similar, and a game of chance (drawing cards) worked for her. I did, however, incorporate some methods by which she could affect the outcome if she chose to do so, either longer or shorter depending on her mood. As it turned out, she did not take long to begin taking maximum advantage of the situation. It was not all that long ago when we were in bed on a Sunday morning, drinking coffee and watching TV, and a commercial came on, something having to do with old people...out of the blue she said something along the lines of "Can you imagine, someday we'll be eighty years old and you'll still have that thing locked on your dick."

Too many people are so wrapped up in their fantasies that they want to script how their keyholders play with them. My wife is gradually developing her own style and I am working very hard not to top her from the bottom. So many people here and elsewhere are solo players who need to live in fantasies. These fantasies are often reported as real life. We are lucky enough to have real keyholders. Recognize that reality is very different than the sexy chastity fantasies. You gave her the key. Now just let go of control and let her decide what she wants to do.

It has to play at least partly to the fantasies of both, however they may work it out. If one or the other is not happy, it isn't going to work for long.

[Tame Lion]

There is no single answer that applies to *everyone*. Every couple is different, and for some, some sort of 'game of chance' helps to relieve anxiety and guilt. If a 'game' works for a couple, then they should use that method until it doesn't work for them and they want to do something different.

Of course that's true. The issue with Mrs. Lion is that the idea is new and at first, not very exciting to her. She chose to do it to please me. I suspect this is the case with many. In my view, the key is to keep things as simple as possible in the beginning. Give the baby keyholder time to internalize this new sexual process. One of the issues with games of any kind in the beginning is that it inserts yet another "requirement" on the keyholder. By keeping things very simple and by surrendering control even when it means that things won't go the way you wish, allows your partner the chance to work things out her own way.

Mrs. Lion is not a very assertive woman and can be easily influenced by me. If she feels that to please me she has to play chastity games, she will, but at the same time we are reinforcing the idea that this is just for me and not something that could be hers. It will take time for her to internalize that she has a toy that belongs just to her and that she can play with it as she wishes. Isn't that what we all want?