Progress Towards Your Ideal Male Chastity Lifestyle

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kelmag
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Progress Towards Your Ideal Male Chastity Lifestyle

Post by kelmag »

I would like to do a little survey on how far along you think you are towards achieving your ideal male chastity lifestyle (0-100%).
What are the key elements that you have achieved thus far? (i.e. wearing a chastity device 24/7, wife hold's my key, wife determines when I orgasm, etc.)
What are the key elements that you haven't achieved yet and do you have a plan for getting them?
I have written an extensive post at my blog http://www.secretchastityhusband.blogspot.com on the topic. Summarizing my information:
1. About 80%
2. Elements I have: Wearing chastity device 23.75/7, wife holds my key and wears it, I have no access to key without my wife knowing about it, no orgasms except during sex with wife about every 12-18 days.
3. Elements I would like: Wife solely decide when and how I will orgasm (currently it is a joint decision on a date that I ususally suggest), wife does teasing and denial on her own initiative (until recently it was when I asked; now it's according to the rules of the game described more fully in the post but amounts to about every other day), wife asks for sex play/own orgasms without mine on her own initiaive (currently I suggest "Lady's Night"). Maybe some light bondage and ass play . . . (Well, we can hope, can't we?)
4. My plan is to get wife really enjoying the new game (described in my post) and slowly expand her control as she gets comfortable exercising it.
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Shane67
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Re: Progress Towards Your Ideal Male Chastity Lifestyle

Post by Shane67 »

I would say I'm off the chart. The other end of the chart: -5%. Not to be too cheeky, I honestly don't think I'm yet on the "chastity lifestyle" continuum, as I'm still fiddling with a device. And the way things are going, I might be fiddling with a device for years before I can wear one with a modicum (as a oppose to large wallop) of discomfort.

But once I can get some sort of device to work (non-device chastity just isn't appealing), I think the elements that you outlined are exactly what I would be working towards.
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thumper
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Re: Progress Towards Your Ideal Male Chastity Lifestyle

Post by thumper »

I don't believe in 100%. Perfection does not exist. I also don't think I can define *our* progress since Belle's also in this thing with me and she has to get something out of it too (which might not always align with what I get out of it). The idea that I'm progressing towards an ideal seems to me to cut her out of it. If I wasn't willing to compromise my fantasy, this'd never work. Also, I've found the unexpected pleasure she gets out of it is way more exciting than whatever I can dream up in my mind because it's real.

Anyway, I'm not trying to pee in your Wheaties. I get what you're saying. If you're at 80% then you're doing something right. Just make sure she's there with you, is all I'm saying.
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LockedLaura
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Re: Progress Towards Your Ideal Male Chastity Lifestyle

Post by LockedLaura »

Hmmm too new to even have an idea of a "perfect" chastity lifestyle, I guess that might rank as 6-8% or so, it would be lower but I have at least (barely) begun. -L
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mikecb
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Re: Progress Towards Your Ideal Male Chastity Lifestyle

Post by mikecb »

Hmm. I've achieved a device that works, though I don't like it (plastic). My wife is accepting of me wearing it, but has no interest in sex or chastity play.

Let's call it 10%. A working device is quite a project!

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Dev
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Re: Progress Towards Your Ideal Male Chastity Lifestyle

Post by Dev »

Kelmag, you posted somewhere that Ab and I are the complete opposite of you and your wife (that's why you like reading my blog) so if you are 80% I guess that makes us 20%...or maybe 80% on a different scale. :)

Seriously, as I noted in my model, I see chastity as a process, not an event. The destination is not the experience, the journey is. With each subsequent chastity cycle (as I outlined it), I think the couple is going grow and evolve. It's a circular cycle but since it exists within the function of time, we are constantly moving forward. (I wish I could illustrate it but what I picture in my mind is a stretched out Slinky.)

Anyway, you have in your mind that you are 80% there but what if you are only 20% of the way on your journey? There's a whole lot ahead of you that you can't even conceive of, much less desire and predict. And that, I think, makes it very exciting.

If there is one thing I would wish for you is that your experiences would become more spontaneous. I think it is working for you with your ladies' nights and so on, but I think a little more "off the cuff" teasing and playing would be nice. But then, in case you haven't figured it out, I'm a spontaneous sort of person myself. ;)

D
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Atone
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Re: Progress Towards Your Ideal Male Chastity Lifestyle

Post by Atone »

I think I agree with what Dev is saying (she can correct me if I am wrong). I feel like I am well along on the 'event' scale, lets say 80% just for fun. This means I have a device that fits very well, is comfortable, and effective. We have communicated our desires and benefits. We understand the different 'phases' of the chastity cycle (generally as outlined as Dev in another post). We our shifting control of my orgasms from me to her.

Having said that, we are still at the very beginning of our journey. Giving it a percentage number would unnecessarily limit it. Like Dev (and others) says it is a process. We are still figuring out how this will play out long term. It will look different as time goes on. Neither of us wants to live a stagnant life. We try real hard to not have 'check boxes' that just need to be clicked off each day, week, month, etc.... Sometimes this means just living in the moment. Other times it is dreaming about the future. There is room for both.

-A
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Tom Allen
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Re: Progress Towards Your Ideal Male Chastity Lifestyle

Post by Tom Allen »

Like many other things in life, when you think in terms of getting *this*, you often overlook opportunities to get *that*.

I don't have an ideal chastity lifestyle. I mean, I have some thoughts on what would be hawt, but those thoughts change over time, and also as a result of my *wife's* ideas, as well. One of the keys to a successful relationship is how you grow, merge, and balance your own desires with those of your partner.

At various times, we have both had ideas on what would be "ideal". We've ranged from "no orgasms" to "not removing the device", with time periods from "once a month" to "once a year." But what keeps it fresh for us is that we take breaks and then try something else based on what we liked or disliked about the previous game.
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kelmag
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Re: Progress Towards Your Ideal Male Chastity Lifestyle

Post by kelmag »

Thanks for all of your comments, and especially thanks to Thumper for giving me an image that will be hard to forget as I eat my morning cereal.

The 80% number I came up with is just my estimate of how far along my wife has moved to make a full male chastity lifestyle possible. I began with a wife that I dearly love but who's interest in sex had diminished considerably as she went through "the change," and who has shown no interest in participating in anything other than pure vanilla sex for as long as we have been married (and yes, I have tried before with other mild kinks like light bondage). My wife has always disliked "spontaneous sex" and never would go along with it. I must have been 0 for about 200 on that and haven't tried it years knowing that rejection was certain. Her first reaction to the chastity device when I showed it to her was ill disguised disgust. She avoided looking at it and wouldn't touch or examine it. She remarked that it looked like Hannibal Lecter's mask and it was "weird looking." Gee Thanks . . . tell me what you really think.

By focusing on making sure she received immediate and obvious benefits from my wearing the device and foregoing orgasms for a couple of weeks at a time, she slowly came around. First to tolerating my wearing it without a negative expression, to just ignoring it, to occasionaly surreptiously checking when I had it on, to explicitly checking when I had it on, to touching me when I had it on. Now, particuarly in the context of foreplay before we have sex, she loves to tease me in it, to elicit as many heartfelt groans of desire as she can from me. She enjoys wearing the key, especially since I have her silver locket to keep it in. She now looks forward to our game of chance when the selection of a colored marble (black or white) determines whether I remain in chastity for a while longer, and when her option to determine when we have sex starts. She is also enjoying the fact that I help out a lot more around the house without being asked and without complaint. And the nice thing about that is it isn't a hardship for me; I don't feel forced to do it. I like doing things for her, especially after I've been chaste for ten days or so.

Talking with my wife about it, she told me that the biggest benefit she felt from it is the total relief from all pressure for sex from me, and particularly relief from the uncertainty of when I will ask her for sex. Just to show how oblivious even a man in a long term marriage can be, I was totally unaware of just badly my asking for sex several times a week impacted her quality of life. I was clueless. Moreover, she told me that for the first time she now feels free to show me physical affection, stroke my chest or massage my back or whatever without fearing that it will escalate into sexual activity that she doesn't want. Needless to say, she is no longer distant on the couch when we watch a movie together. She is now perfectly comfortable curled beside me giving and receiving gentle strokes and caresses. That's a big improvement in the quality of life for both of us.

I don't know what a 100% male chastity lifestyle will look like. As a few of you remarked, it can take some unexpected twists and go off in unexpected directions. I agree with Dev, most of the joy is in the journey but it doesn't mean you can't recognize and savor each destination as it's reached.

Thanks again for your comments.
kelmag
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Mayhew
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Re: Progress Towards Your Ideal Male Chastity Lifestyle

Post by Mayhew »

A major focus for success for me would be in learning how to sublimate the orgasmic feeling so it turns into mental, physical and spiritual energy throughout my body, rather than a short term blast.

Yes, I did just get all Tantric hippy on you.

Other benchmarks would be to have more loving relationships with other people round me (not just the wife) and to have more focused creative energy, to lose 5 more kilos, further cut down alcohol consumption, and to regain that feeling I had a few years ago where everyone kept telling me I looked amazing. (I think I had not come for 30 days or something.)

Don't get me wrong - stuff to do with 24/7 caged denial is hot, and I like living that way. But, I'd like to keep my sights fixed on what chastity can do overall, rather than just the turn on of having a particular dynamic with my wife.
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