Chastity Forums

It used to be that my erection was something I could count on. I didn't wonder if I could 'get it up'. If I was sexually excited I got erect and stayed erect. Now that I'm an older guy things have changed. I can be all excited and hard and in no time at all I'm deflated. This has had a big impact on my self confidence in bed. My wife has assured me many times that it doesn't matter but it does matter to me (and I suspect to her as well despite her comforting words)

This reality introduced anxiety into the bedroom. I started out with my poorly understood assumption that my orgasm was what sex was all about and then added, on top of that, anxiety about whether I could achieve the orgasm that I felt was all important.

Enter chastity: When I'm locked up the issue and the anxiety of my maintaining an erection is gone. What a relief!

Many of us have written about all the other benefits of chastity to relationships so I'm not going to restate what we already know.

I haven't been locked much the last week or so (I had been locked basically 24/7 for a number of months) I'm happy to report that I have good carry over of attitude from being locked.

My orgasm is NOT what sex is about. INTIMACY is the name of the game.

My doctor told me that the majority of men 40 or older need Viagra, etc to dependably "perform."

happilylockedman wrote:It used to be that my erection was something I could count on.... If I was sexually excited I got erect and stayed erect. Now that I'm ... older ... things have changed. ... My wife has assured me many times that it doesn't matter but it does matter to me (and I suspect to her as well despite her comforting words)

Enter chastity: When I'm locked up the issue and the anxiety of my maintaining an erection is gone. What a relief! ...
My orgasm is NOT what sex is about. INTIMACY is the name of the game.

Truer words were never spoken.

jfenoffti wrote:

happilylockedman wrote:It used to be that my erection was something I could count on.... If I was sexually excited I got erect and stayed erect. Now that I'm ... older ... things have changed. ... My wife has assured me many times that it doesn't matter but it does matter to me (and I suspect to her as well despite her comforting words)

Enter chastity: When I'm locked up the issue and the anxiety of my maintaining an erection is gone. What a relief! ...
My orgasm is NOT what sex is about. INTIMACY is the name of the game.

Truer words were never spoken.

nailed it.

I’m 44 now, and I’ve noticed that after about 15 to 20 minutes of being erect, I’ll have a three to five minute deflated period, and then rebound. The erect periods following that shorten to about ten minutes, but the deflated periods stay in the three or so minute range.

What was really weird about that initially, is that there was no loss of arousal. If I was close to orgasm, and the erection faded, I could have a limp orgasm. The internal contractions and the pleasure was all there, just without an erection. That hasn’t changed, it’s just not weird anymore.

It’s been like that for a couple of years now, and I’m just hoping there’s no ... escalation? ... of the issue.

Wow, that certainly sounds a bit peculiar. Have you tried Viagra/Cialis to see if it will 'cure' that issue?

I'm closing in on 60 and have no issue getting/maintaining erections...well, aside from the issue of it being locked in a cage...

Once we dropped male orgasm from sex, everything changed for sure. Most of the time now, I'm locked, and we use a strap-on that I wear. Odd situation that my wife is not my keyholder. At any rate, it's very rare that "the original equipment" is put to use anymore, which suits my wife and my keyholder, who is a good friend of ours. Erections are all while in chastity, except for emptying me out every few months. I actually prefer using the strap-on to normal sex now. No pressure to perform, and I'm always hard and drippy when locked up, as the harness and dildo press hard on the pubic bone. Since we dropped my orgasm from the equation, maybe 15 years ago, it's not an issue, and I can focus on giving pleasure.

Anxiety can take on a life of its own, and everyone can respond a little bit differently. For whatever reason, my fight or flight response gets triggered very easily. When this happens, I clam up and blood doesn’t flow as easily. Not everyone will understand what this is like.

When I was young and insecure about my relationship with my wife, the performance anxiety killed it sometimes despite being healthy and having a high sex drive. When I stopped worrying about my performance, the self fulfilling prophecy went away. I think this is why some guys feel more confident and arroused i chastity, and anxious when they are not.

My anxiety hasn’t stopped my wife and I going on all kinds of adventures. Sometimes in new situations, I still get anxious. I will drip with precum, while remaining flaccid. This would have bothered my more when I was 20 but not as much now. I understand my body and response to stimulus better. I also understand my worth and relationship is not completely tied up in my arousal response.

Also, if you have been on a big denial binge, the pressure can be high. I like hand jobs better after very long denial streaks.

Yes, we all wish we were younger and more healhy, but I encourage you to understand your body, cues, and how you sometimes involuntarily respond. Chastity devices help some of us depressurize situations. But also, you can learn to put less pressure on yourself.

fuzzydunlop wrote:
When I was ... insecure ... the performance anxiety killed it sometimes despite being healthy .... When I stopped worrying about my performance, the self fulfilling prophecy went away.

Just like golf!

jfenoffti wrote:

fuzzydunlop wrote:
When I was ... insecure ... the performance anxiety killed it sometimes despite being healthy .... When I stopped worrying about my performance, the self fulfilling prophecy went away.

Just like golf!

That's just "fore" play!