Some input on my (our) situation

Living the real life under lock and key

Some input on my (our) situation

Postby uncumfortable » Sun Jan 21, 2018 11:12 am

Hi everyone. I am new here but not new to the world of kink/BDSM etc.

I want to see if anyone has some thoughts and hints on how to find a solution to my situation.

I have been married for 18 years. My wife in the past has been my Mistress in a non 24/7 Ds relationship. One thing for sure is she is open minded and kinky like myself. Life happens and the Ds stuff has not happened for the most part for years other than a brief try at rebooting it a year ago.

My wife is frustrated because a lot of my sex drive has diminished. What does make me aroused is chastity but she likes to feel me deep inside her, but if we have vanilla sex. I either have an issue with premature or going soft.

I can stay hard longer when there is lots of tease and denial and/or enforced chastity. We kind of came up with a plan a while back where I would be locked up and only allowed to have sex with her with a big sheath on that would prevent ejaculation but this sensation did not do anything for her. We also tried a bag of beads with very few green ones in it mixed with red that told me if I would be allowed to cum.

I have tried a couple chastity devices, but always had issues with pain during night erections and or the design was just generally uncomfortable. Thinking of holly trainer or that new 3d printed one next.

The next issue is I love/hate being denied. The issue is my wife gives in too easily to my wining. (That is why I thought the beads chance thing would be best). Next How to satisfy her without me cumming.

Is there a good way to adapt a good strap-on to a chastity setup like a HT?

I know a lot of this is talking about "my" wants and needs. When I ask her about what she likes I don't get a lot of good answers. She fantasizes about voyeurism both with me in male/female groups involving me. She likes it when I am sexually frustrated but that makes her want me to cum hard in her and then it ruins the sexual tension that makes me more responsive.

I am a 55 year old straight(ish) male. My wife is 12 years younger. My wife is not as sadistic as I would like but I am so lucky to have such an open minded wife.

Any thoughts would be great.
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Re: Some input on my (our) situation

Postby tsememgb » Mon Jan 22, 2018 9:39 am

I wish I had some good advice for you but this closely describes my situation as well. Thus, I hope some others have some good advice. :)
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Re: Some input on my (our) situation

Postby _lj_ » Mon Jan 22, 2018 10:27 am

A few ideas,not all from my own experience

get a custom device that fits properly - for example a MM JailBird - mine stops erections ever starting, so I get none of the night-time problems.

If the OPs wife is too easy to persuade, try adding an extra level of separation - for example, if she works away from home, leave the device key at work.That way the OP can whine all he likes, he will have to wait until the next day, and his wife can choose when she wishes to have sex without his influence. The emergency key could be glued to a favourite ornament or something likely to be damaged by removal, so both parties would only use it in a real emergency.

Stepping into BDSM territory, how about getting her to tie you to the bed, edge you a few times,then climb aboard ? Would the bondage and edging be enough to get you in the mood ?

Now to something I have no experience in - how about using viagra or similar, plus a condom and anaesthetic cream - that way you get the erection but you don't get to cum.

I've also no experience with strap-ons, but I have seen positive comments, if you can get the harness to fit comfortably - this will depend on your chastity device. But will that give her the right sensations?
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Re: Some input on my (our) situation

Postby uncumfortable » Mon Jan 22, 2018 2:11 pm

Hmm some good suggestions. I have found that viagra etc don't do much for me. I had some samples from my doctor and they did not help much.

I had a good long chat with my wife last night about possibilities. She seems on board with this chastity play. There are some logistics. Kids hearing us or even our dang dog whining outside our door when any fun goes on lol.

Yes edging does get me in the mood and so does bondage, pain play.
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Re: Some input on my (our) situation

Postby uncumfortable » Mon Jan 22, 2018 7:58 pm

Oh ya. I am really concerned about fit. I like the more encapsulated devices like my avatar pic, but I understand it can be an issue with keeping clean.

Some past Chasity devices had a lot of pinch points or made it too easy for by testicle to escape.
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Re: Some input on my (our) situation

Postby Schnoff » Wed Feb 28, 2018 4:25 pm

Yeah fit is a thing, and in the end, that means custom. Steelworxx or Mature Metal, maybe. I'd check out Thumper's blog on fit and sizing, he's written extensively on it.

> Kids hearing us

How old are the kids? When our kids still lived with us, it was "Dads! We can hear you!"; and our response was "Well put headphones on if it bothers you." We wouldn't bring the neighborhood down screaming, but there was the occasional moan. We moderated ourselves but didn't think we had to somehow pretend that sex between married partners was shameful, and to be done furtively. That said, of course our kids have a right to their privacy as well, and that includes not knowing what exactly it is we do.

I am learning about hypnosis for recreational / erotic purposes. That sounds like a lot of fun and a lot of possibilities. If you have kinksters in your area, maybe make contact with those freaky people and see who knows things about hypnosis.
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Re: Some input on my (our) situation

Postby Finn » Thu Mar 01, 2018 2:42 pm

We have a similar, but different situation. I love chastity and denial, and live a somewhat poly life. My wife is OK with chastity, but it does not turn her on. We have a wonderful queer friend and she is in charge of my chastity and denial, and genuinely loves Topping and tormenting me.

Anyhow, as for devices, I have a bunch. I do love wearing mine to bed, but especially being a stomach sleeper, this has not worked long term. As for fit, I have a nice chrome CB device that works best with the first oversize (5"?) base ring. I'm fairly big, and the extra diameter, with a smaller gap seems to be the key. I am locked up maybe 20% of the time, with the rest of the time on he honour system not to fap or touch myself sexually. I'm locked when the friend feels like it, or when I'm feeling worked up and need it, or when she and I hang out. Four going out, I have a shorter tube section with near zero gap and the big ring, to be stealthy.

The wife and I tried the sheath and didn't like it. My wife prefers larger sex toys, so 95% of our sex is me in a chastity device (usually a clear jelly style one I bought recently, but cant wear for more than an hour, but perfect for this. Think its an Oxballs model.) and a realistic, 8.5" strap-on. I actually really enjoy the feeling of it, being pretty much denied genital pleasure, as the pressure in the jelly cage is nice, and the impact on the pubic bone is heightened by the frustration of denial. Plus its fun and kinky! Anyhow....We use a Doc Johnson leather harness, that is designed for a guy to wear, so it has a nice gap under the dildo. This works great for us, and feels way better than the sheath did. I get enough stimulation to stay hard the whole time, and we both love it. In the 5% of time we use the original parts, its a treat.
Living with my 2 favorite people, in a semi-poly situation. Serving my Mistress Crosby, who holds my keys.
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