Transactional Chastity

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Transactional Chastity

Postby curiouscaged1 » Thu Dec 14, 2017 8:40 pm

Hey, everybody. So one thing that I've noticed is the number of people that have commented on male chastity being a good catalyst for the guy (husband, boyfriend, etc.) starting to clean up around the house, get more in shape, etc. The possibility of being unlocked and allowed to cum is ultimately used as a type of reward for the guy being on his best behavior.
My wife and I have discussed this and came to the conclusion that we didn't think it would be good for us. We didn't want sex treated as something to be used. We still wanted it to be about connection. How do you husbands in that kind of situation keep chastity (and sex, for that matter) from becoming something it wasn't meant to be?
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Re: Transactional Chastity

Postby Schnoff » Fri Dec 15, 2017 3:43 am

In our case, there is a power dynamic on top of the marriage. I don't come because my husband doesn't want me to, not because it "keeps me on my best behavior".

Household chores are shared. They should be anyway, with or without a power dynamic or chastity or anything of that sort. The "usual tools" for chores are useful here: Schedules, rotation, fair distribution, doing a little bit more frequently rather than big blocks once a week.

The reward for good behavior is praise. But good behavior here isn't "you did your chores", again, we expect of each other that we both are after chores. Good behavior is not coming when allowed to edge, and not touching when not allowed to edge. Good behavior is to respond to a command with "yes Sir". Good behavior is to radiate service by body posture.

Sex is about connection for us. Either one can initiate; I'm the one who is far less likely to say "no" - I'd have to be physically ill, really. Our typical pattern is that I bring my husband to orgasm, and he teases me, brings me close, and doesn't let me come. When he does that, I feel an overwhelming surge of gratitude. Connection in spades :).

You may not want a power dynamic in your relationship. It certainly doesn't fit every couple. But whatever you do, I highly recommend you share all chores and decouple that entirely from sex or orgasm.
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Re: Transactional Chastity

Postby Tullyboy » Fri Dec 15, 2017 7:58 am

I feel similarly to Schnoff. We don’t connect chores with chastity.

However, the state of the house is directly proportional to the happiness of my wife and the happiness of my wife greatly effects her libido. So I’ll let you do the math.
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Re: Transactional Chastity

Postby cuyahoga » Fri Dec 15, 2017 9:06 am

Tullyboy, I was going to say something similar.
After she works all day, when she comes home, if I can give her a couple of hours to rest and recharge, I have a better chance of getting some attention from her. In addition, the state of the house affects her mood, again, increasing my chances of attention.

We have an even division of labor, but I take as much of hers as possible, whether in chastity or not.
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Re: Transactional Chastity

Postby Steve2059 » Fri Dec 15, 2017 2:25 pm

For my wife and I, the answer to the question, "is chastity about powerplay and chores, or about sexual and romantic connection", is that it's both.

I don't find the two exclusive at all; the powerplay between us is entirely consensual and I could and any or all of it at any time. But at the same time, we make space for romance and sex (non-orgasmic for me). We slightly enhance chores by my performing them in panties/stockings or naked, whether or not L is present.

MY chastity includes, but isn't confined to, cages; I find honour chastity and caged chastity exciting, and L knows I wouldn't cheat and lie (it would ruin the "game" for one thing). My longest time caged is six days (though I hope to break this modest record) but I'm coming to the (probable) end of a nine-week chastity period.
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Re: Transactional Chastity

Postby Chaste J1 » Fri Dec 15, 2017 4:41 pm

We have found that me being chaste has improved our relationship all round. My wife is in charge of my orgasms but is still the one who "looks after her man and the house". I do chores and bits and pieces as required but that's all. Chores are not a requirement for play but since I am lucky enough to have a wife who happily keeps me locked and denied orgasm I am more than happy to " please" her. It doesn't matter what I do though I only orgasm when she decides, and that is rarely!
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Re: Transactional Chastity

Postby slave d » Fri Dec 15, 2017 9:04 pm

What interests me is how we all differ in our approach and what we do, but some seems adamant that some things they do are “the correct way”. For example the suggestion that chores should always be shared and this should have nothing to do with the sexual side of the relationship, to which I say 1: why 2: bollocks and 3: different strokes for different folks !!! Seriously, chores and my suitable performance of them is a big part of my relationship with my wife, my chastity, and the FLR which we have decided to enter into but i wouldn’t suggest that anybody else should or indeed should not, get into that. Perhaps i’ve misconstrued what was intended and in that case i apologise, but i’m certainly not about to take advice from somebody to “decouple chores from” anything i wish !!

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Re: Transactional Chastity

Postby Barkis » Sun Dec 17, 2017 7:27 am

Steve2059 wrote:For my wife and I, the answer to the question, "is chastity about powerplay and chores, or about sexual and romantic connection", is that it's both.
I don't find the two exclusive at all; the powerplay between us is entirely consensual...


Absolutely. To quote the first guiding principle in our chastity play:

"The Game is entirely consensual and is played voluntarily by both participants."

For us, the 'transactional' element is certainly there, but it doesn't run very deep. It is light-hearted, playful, and just serves to add a bit of variety. We also have a 'gift voucher' arrangement whereby, if I have completed a task that neither of us wants to do (the latest example was to talk to a neighbour about a potentially contentious issue), Mrs B. may choose to present me with a voucher entitling me to a bonus release at a time of my choosing within its validity period. It's just a bit of fun, and it works for us.
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Re: Transactional Chastity

Postby TwistedMister » Sun Dec 17, 2017 9:37 am

Barkis wrote:
Steve2059 wrote:For my wife and I, the answer to the question, "is chastity about powerplay and chores, or about sexual and romantic connection", is that it's both.
I don't find the two exclusive at all; the powerplay between us is entirely consensual...


Absolutely. To quote the first guiding principle in our chastity play:

"The Game is entirely consensual and is played voluntarily by both participants."

For us, the 'transactional' element is certainly there, but it doesn't run very deep. It is light-hearted, playful, and just serves to add a bit of variety. We also have a 'gift voucher' arrangement whereby, if I have completed a task that neither of us wants to do (the latest example was to talk to a neighbour about a potentially contentious issue), Mrs B. may choose to present me with a voucher entitling me to a bonus release at a time of my choosing within its validity period. It's just a bit of fun, and it works for us.


For us, 'The Game' is about sexual power and domination, personal service and consensual non-consent. I have a [relatively] short list of 'Hard Limits', things that I absolutely do not want to happen; beyond that, *any* sexual activity not on that list is, by default, an option available for 'The Mistress' in which to engage and/or compel my participation- the only condition is that I must be aware and/or [somehow] participating. Sexually speaking, Mrs. Twisted can do almost anything she wants and force me to do almost anything she wants- she has the power (and the means) to unilaterally and unconditionally compel my participation in 'The Game' and in individual activities without regard for whether I would [ordinarily] be willing to participate. My kink is forced control, even 'against my will'.

Compelling me to do 'chores' is not strictly within the scope of our 'Game', though, theoretically, she could add some sort of sexual component that might compel me to elect to complete some task.
07/01/17 "I *really enjoy* teasing you, getting you all worked up and then leaving you hanging." --Mrs. Twisted
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Re: Transactional Chastity

Postby Schnoff » Thu Jan 04, 2018 5:04 am

[quote="slave d"Perhaps i’ve misconstrued what was intended and in that case i apologise, but i’m certainly not about to take advice from somebody to “decouple chores from” anything i wish !!
[/quote]

Fair enough. I was responding to the OP, and their situation in their marriage. Because of the worry there that chastity may be seen as "transactional" - I keep you chaste, you do chores kinda thing - I suggested to decouple chores from sex entirely, there.

I do have strong opinions about coupling chores and sex in general, because of the inherent misogyny in many of those setups. And, every relationship is unique. You do you. What works for you, does.
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