Do we Really want Orgasms?

Living the real life under lock and key

Re: Do we Really want Orgasms?

Postby TwistedMister » Wed Sep 13, 2017 4:36 am

keeperof55 wrote:...I...enjoy intercourse with him very much and would never want it to go by the wayside. I'm happy to deny him to increase his pleasure, but I haven't gone longer than 65 days without it.

So for you men who adore your partners and are all about putting their needs first, do they just not have a need or interest in having intercourse with you any longer and that's what makes this work so well in your relationships? What if they did want the feel of you and not a toy or device designed to be a substitute for the pleasure that you alone can bring? Would that be different? It's tough finding a balance of "being in control" in the relationship and getting what I want, but also giving my husband what he wants - which is to be denied and controlled by me. So, is your denial mutual or is your denial for your pleasure only?


Let's see if I can elucidate on how/why it 'works' for us...there are several factors involved- for many years we have tended to be 'busy' people, often working long hours and 'non-traditional' hours, sometimes with schedules that don't coincide. Though she enjoys intercourse it hasn't been something that happened frequently (except for when we were both very young and fucked like bunnies every chance we got). Another factor is that she has rarely had an orgasm with intercourse except/unless first having had one immediately prior from oral...whether that is due to something with her or something with me, I couldn't say...but often it has just been oral anyway and the intercourse gets left out.

So, her denying me intercourse does not equate to her 'losing' anything, it usually isn't something that is/was happening all that often anyway. The fact is that 'playing the game' results in *more* sexual activity (and pleasure for her) than not, even if intercourse is not happening...though that can be happening *more* frequently rather than less, as compared to the 'normal' situation. Sometimes she still gets PIV, though without me 'finishing', and sometimes she goes 'all the way'...and ends with her getting more oral and an[other] orgasm after (she discovered that she *really* likes being 'naughty' and making me 'clean her up' after).

She definitely prefers the 'real thing' over toys but she likes using the toys too. She also has the option of getting the 'real thing' from someone else, which she has talked about but not actualized...I realize that that sort of thing is not for everyone but it is something that we both get aroused at contemplating.
07/01/17 "I *really enjoy* teasing you, getting you all worked up and then leaving you hanging." --Mrs. Twisted
TwistedMister
 
Posts: 2257
Joined: Thu Nov 10, 2011 5:49 pm
Location: Northern New England

Re: Do we Really want Orgasms?

Postby cuyahoga » Wed Sep 13, 2017 2:19 pm

I think my wife and I are in a similar situation as TwistedMister.

For my wife and I, sexual activity outside of the 'game' includes all kinds of things in addition to intercourse, and intercourse is generally not what gets my wife to her orgasm. She thoroughly enjoys it, but it's not enough. As a result, when we play with tease and denial, our interactions focus on those other things that she enjoys, and the actual intercourse is very limited.
And then once the game is over, of course, intercourse returns in force.
Denied since October 15th, 2017.
Locked at her whim.
Mature Metal Jailbird.
User avatar
cuyahoga
 
Posts: 110
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2017 7:48 pm

Re: Do we Really want Orgasms?

Postby keeperof55 » Thu Sep 14, 2017 5:56 am

Thanks for taking the time to respond and share so openly. It's appreciated.
keeperof55
 
Posts: 42
Joined: Wed May 16, 2012 7:10 am

Re: Do we Really want Orgasms?

Postby TwistedMister » Sat Sep 16, 2017 9:12 am

keeperof55 wrote:Thanks for taking the time to respond and share so openly. It's appreciated.


You are entirely welcome, that's one of the reasons we (the site, and some of us) are here.

Reading back through what I wrote, I see that I left something out- that the device enforced chastity is less a denial of intercourse, then denying me the ability to masturbate whenever the urge strikes, which is generally what happens when we are really busy and intercourse isn't happening. Under 'normal' circumstances it's easy to just 'rub one out' real quick in the shower, which frees the mind to concentrate on the non-sexual pursuits.

I think it often happens, that when a couple is married/lives together long-term, there is a mental change that occurs. Sexual activity is pursued more urgently when it is 'less available', such as when we are/were younger and there was no guarantee that it will occur. But when you get married/live together there is a mental shift that says "I can 'get it' any time I want it now" so the urge to actively pursue it is decreased. You focus on more mundane matters that may seem 'more important' and sexual arousal may be considered an 'inconvenience' that intrudes on your ability to concentrate on other things, so a quick rub takes care of it. And, as we get older, it takes longer for 'desire' to return which extends the time-scale of the process.

(It occurs to me that this may be the root of issues where the wife thinks the husband 'doesn't care' anymore. It's not that he doesn't 'care', it's just that it's easier to slap the urge down and move on to the other [mundane] matters that may be piling up- the washer is on the fritz, the oil needs to be changed in one car and the brakes done in the other, the lawn needs mowing, etc. etc. and he thinks "I can get laid any time I want but I have all these other things that need doing so I'll just 'spank the monkey' real quick and I can get these other things done"...but there is no end of these other things that need doing unless you are fairly wealthy and can pay someone else to do them *for* you. But, she doesn't see what is going on in his head and thinks his lack of 'attraction' is due to some 'problem' with *her* when it really isn't...but she feels badly and says "You don't care about me..." and then the problem escalates and a 'fight' starts, then things go downhill after that.)

So, device-enforced 'chastity' controlled by her (for me, anyway) eliminates the ability to get rid of 'the urge' quickly and easily, which allows it to build and results in a condition where when she is ready for some 'sexy-time' (which may or may not include intercourse, which wasn't happening anyway) I am in more of a frame of mind to be amenable to it. A more 'involved' program of her being 'in control' (with long-term orgasm denial and more femdom overtones) enhances the process even further. (The femdom stuff may not appeal to all but it is a 'turn-on' for me and it really gets me going.)
07/01/17 "I *really enjoy* teasing you, getting you all worked up and then leaving you hanging." --Mrs. Twisted
TwistedMister
 
Posts: 2257
Joined: Thu Nov 10, 2011 5:49 pm
Location: Northern New England

Re: Do we Really want Orgasms?

Postby attentive_husband » Fri Sep 22, 2017 12:53 pm

Onlyhers4ever wrote:Prior to my wearing the cage I think she was scared to touch me for fear that it would lead to something more than she wanted. This is not the case anymore. My wife has not yet transformed into a tease and denial queen (I can always hope) but I certainly have benefited from some added attention that I so desperately wanted.


I hadn't thought of that but it's the same with my wife. She does casual touches all the time now and didn't before. And probably for the same reason - she knows that what she does is it. It can't lead to my responding.
User avatar
attentive_husband
 
Posts: 178
Joined: Tue Nov 10, 2015 10:02 pm

Re: Do we Really want Orgasms?

Postby attentive_husband » Fri Sep 22, 2017 1:06 pm

I want to add one thing to this. The most intense sexual experiences of my life is when I've gone weeks locked up and my wife teases me, and let's me know it'll be weeks until I get to cum. She can spend 10 - 20 minutes having me so desperate to cum - way beyond anything I've ever felt from an orgasm.

And in our case what makes it work so well is my wife loves using her vibrator for herself (with me using my tongue to get her started). And my desperation to cum turns her on.

So I get the intense sexual high from teasing. She gets the orgasms she prefer from her vibrator. And occasionally we make love when she wants that.
User avatar
attentive_husband
 
Posts: 178
Joined: Tue Nov 10, 2015 10:02 pm

Re: Do we Really want Orgasms?

Postby Tullyboy » Thu Nov 09, 2017 9:10 pm

I like to orgasm. I’ve also learned to enjoy the time between orgasms. My purpose in using device based chastity, of which we are newbies, is to increase that enjoyment and focus more fully on my wife. I truly do not want to replace our time of intimate PIV orgasm, but instead augment the sensations between those times where Tullygirl’s libido and mine do not match. Previously, I would sometimes turn to porn based women to provide those endorphins. I’m hoping that my wife can take that place of honor, so chastity seemed to meet that need. So far so good.
Tullyboy
 
Posts: 40
Joined: Wed Nov 01, 2017 9:30 am

Previous

Return to General Chastity Chat

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 5 guests