A Cautionary Tale

Living the real life under lock and key
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SteveT
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A Cautionary Tale

Post by SteveT »

I am writing this from my sun-lounger, looking out at the Mediterranean and I am now feeling quite relaxed thank you. Why might you be interested in my mental well-being you might ask? Well, allow me to explain.

Last Friday* I came home from work, looking forward to our holiday (US = vacation) in the sun. We had some packing still to do and, as these things often do, it seemed to take far longer than it should. However, by around 11:30pm the cases were by the door, the passports had been found, we had checked-in online for the flight and the taxi was booked to take us to the airport at 06:00am the next morning.

As we prepared for bed, I casually mentioned to my Wife that there was still one more thing to de done. “What?” She enquired. I nodded down at the padlock on the stainless steel cage that encased my cock, and which had done so for the last 7 months, 3 weeks and 3 days… She leapt up with a look of genuine panic in Her eyes. “Oh God, I can’t remember where I put the keys!”.

Now, although during those 7 months, 3 weeks and 3 days I had never once seen the keys (I am locked 24/7 and my Wife has all three keys), I was, at this stage still quite relaxed. I knew they must be in the house somewhere. She threw me out of the bedroom and I could hear her frantically turning the room over as She ransacked what I assume were Her usual hiding places.

After what was a far longer time than I was expecting She came out with a huge key and said “Is this it?” I knew at once that it wasn’t - I just pointed down at the little padlock and shook my head. She went back into the bedroom and more ransacking followed. Eventually She re-emerged, this time with two small keys. I was fairly sure that I recognised those as belonging to a padlock which, bizarrely, we had managed to lose during a period of freedom some time previously - but we tried them anyway. No joy. By now it was past midnight and I was just beginning to become mildly concerned.

Finally - getting really late now - She came out triumphantly brandishing three little keys on a ring. With some relief I was fairly sure that I recognised them as the keys to my cage. I stood by the bed while She put the key in the lock (I am not allowed to open or close the lock myself). “Oh no! - They’re still not the ones!” She exclaimed. I was fairly sure that they were so I asked if I could have a go. Sure enough the key did not seem to fit!

With a dawning realisation of what the problem might be, I started to get genuinely worried. Now, I shower every day, and this is a cheap little padlock. After 7 months, 3 weeks and 3 days of never being opened - and probably filled with soap and God knows what else - I was realised that the pins inside the lock had seized up, or worse, rusted.

Now I do own a bolt cutter, but I lent it to my brother about fifteen years ago, and he hasn’t got round to returning it yet. At nearly 1am there are no DIY shops open (that I know of in the UK) and my brother lives a two hour drive from me (and besides I can just imagine how that conversation would go at that time of the morning - even assuming he still has the thing).

“You’ll have to go to the Fire Station” my Wife offered helpfully. There was no way that was going to happen. It’s a good thing I don’t have to wear a heart-rate monitor - at this stage it would have had an aneurysm itself.

Anyway - You’ll be pleased to know that after some considerable extra time, extra blood pressure, and with generous amounts of WD40 squirted into the lock (and all over my balls), the lock eventually yielded and the next morning I sailed through security at the airport with no embarrassing delay.

The moral of this tale - or the three learning points to take away - are:
a) Encourage your Wife to remember where She keeps the keys;
b) Don’t use a cheap padlock; and
c) Even if not being let out, at least check the lock every month or so!

* I did indeed write this whilst on holiday, but for some reason it did not post. I am now back at home and you’ll be pleased to know that I am once again under lock and key but now with a good quality padlock, the keys to which are locked in a key safe. I know where the key safe is, but I don’t know the combination - my Wife has that written down in Her address book disguised as a phone number.
Last edited by SteveT on Fri Sep 01, 2017 10:10 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Tom Allen
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Re: A Cautionary Tale

Post by Tom Allen »

LOL - those damn cheap padlocks. :o

Of course, I'm laughing now, but lately I've been concerned about those little brass integrated locks that you see on the Chinese devices lately. :?
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Bird in a Cage
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Re: A Cautionary Tale

Post by Bird in a Cage »

Tom Allen wrote:LOL - those damn cheap padlocks. :o

Of course, I'm laughing now, but lately I've been concerned about those little brass integrated locks that you see on the Chinese devices lately. :?
Don't worry too much about the Chinese integrated locks... through inadvertent experimentation with trying to round down the sharp edges, I found that if you take just a little metal off the top of the cylinder case, the internal springs pop the cylinders out. Once the cylinders are missing, the locking tab at the end freely swings without a key. Like a idiot, I went through three locks before I gave up on sanding the edges smooth.

On a side note, I need to find a source for replacement integrated locks. Buying new devices is way too expensive to obtain a little piece of machined brass.
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jfenoffti
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Re: A Cautionary Tale

Post by jfenoffti »

Steve, you surely needed a relaxing vacation (holiday for you UK types) after that exciting/interesting/scary/downright funny (for the rest of us) start of your trip! Thanks for sharing your tale.
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Tom Allen
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Re: A Cautionary Tale

Post by Tom Allen »

Bird in a Cage wrote: On a side note, I need to find a source for replacement integrated locks. Buying new devices is way too expensive to obtain a little piece of machined brass.
DH Gate has them. I do wish, however, I could find a source for maybe a better quality one. German? What the hell are those locks called, anyhow?

I noticed how easily they fall apart if you file/grind the edges. I lost one that way, but I have 2 or 3 more locks - a couple of them seem to be keyed alike.
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Re: A Cautionary Tale

Post by Koala »

The ones used in the Holy Trainer line are made by Burg Wachter.

http://tinyurl.com/y8mls8rt
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SteveT
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Re: A Cautionary Tale

Post by SteveT »

Interestingly, I have been considering getting a cage with an integrated lock. There are some advantages: they have one less awkward-to-explain bump in your trousers, the key is more substantial, no awkward-to-explain rattling when your run, and no sharp-edged corners to dig in to my my Wife when we are cuddling...

However, I am a little uncertain about them, mainly for the reasons that I describe in my earlier post. My Wife is prone to forgetting where She hid the keys (although that problem should be sorted by the key-safe) and what happens if the lock siezes or rusts? At least I know that a pair of bolt-cutters will remove a small padlock (even a good quality one) in seconds (yes - I know that I need to make sure I actually have a pair next time!).

How would you remove an integrated lock without destroying the cage? Does anyone have any experience of this?
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Re: A Cautionary Tale

Post by locked4her55 »

Great story SteveT

You night ask Santa for a replacement pair this Christmas.
Bolt Cutters.jpg
Bolt Cutters.jpg (8.38 KiB) Viewed 4477 times
Then again, you could always visit the Fire Station. :lol:
Jaws.jpg
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Tom Allen
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Re: A Cautionary Tale

Post by Tom Allen »

Koala wrote:The ones used in the Holy Trainer line are made by Burg Wachter.

http://tinyurl.com/y8mls8rt
From the UK Amazon site:
"No sellers are currently delivering this item to the United States."
:(

Further research shows me that they call this a "Lockblocking Key."
Only one letter difference, eh?
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Re: A Cautionary Tale

Post by Tom Allen »

How would you remove an integrated lock without destroying the cage? Does anyone have any experience of this?
I've figured that I could use a small drill on a Dremel and drill out the keyhole in the brass lock. Starting with, say, a 1/8" drill and working upward until the size needed for the little pins to drop out and allow the locking tab to be moved manually.

Also, if you have access to the top section, you might be able to Dremel grind the brass piece that holds the pins and springs in place. Either way, it's not going to be a simple operation like a padlock. But that just adds to the excitement, right? 8-)
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