Despairing Husband seeks "The Line"

Living the real life under lock and key
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CanuckInNJ
Posts: 68
Joined: Tue Dec 01, 2015 1:40 pm
Location: Northern NJ

Despairing Husband seeks "The Line"

Post by CanuckInNJ »

Like the rest of you (you pervs!) I have been lurking for several years now. I really wish more people would post, simply to validate my dirty little fetish, but it seems that we're a very select group.

We're an awfully vanilla couple. White picket fence, church, two cars in the driveway. But she knows about this little secret. She even likes it . . . a bit. She just won't acknowledge it.

She's starting to enjoy, though, when I wait for her. That's as far as I've got in ten years. She tolerates the several devices that are mostly gathering dust in our toybox, but she can't go any farther than that.

How can I bring her to ask me to wear the device? Or do I?

Bear in mind that she fears that I'll be mugged/hit by a car/struck by lightning while wearing the device, and that our terrible secret will be exposed. Me, I'd welcome a lightning strike at this stage!

Should I stand by and wait another ten years? Or does somebody have the perfect line for me that will solve the whole issue? PLEASE GIVE ME THE LINE!

Otherwise, we actually have a pretty good sex life :-)

Maybe I should just leave it there. Good is good, right??

The Woody Canuck
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happilylockedman
Posts: 196
Joined: Fri May 12, 2017 3:32 pm
Location: South West Connecticut

Re: Despairing Husband seeks "The Line"

Post by happilylockedman »

Hi Canuck,

I empathize with your situation. It may be similar to how mine was a few months back. What I did was to
1. Change my behavior while wearing my device. I became super attentive to her in bed and, in fact, didn't mind when our intimate encounters didn't end with me having an orgasm. This new found attentiveness surprised me. And her.

2. I spoke to her about what was going on for me in the sexual department. This was new for us. We've been married for a long time but we never had good communication about sex. This has been another unexpected benefit of my use of a chastity device. I always initiate the conversations but she participates in them.

3. I haven't asked her to be my keyholder. She has a key but I do too. When I shower I take off my Holy Trainer without asking her. I have asked her to be supportive of my using the device by acknowledging my wearing it with her words and her touch, and she has done this. She doesn't do it as much as I would like but I welcome what she does do. Just yesterday I asked her how she was feeling about my wearing my chastity device. I work at keeping the lines of communication open about this sensitive subject. She said she was more positive than negative, which I thought was great! She agreed with me when I pointed out, again, how much I thought it had helped our relationship.

4. I have learned to be patient. Last night I wanted to talk to her about an aspect of chastity but she was preoccupied with various stuff. So I didn't bring it up. It'll keep.

I haven't told you what you should do because I don't know you, but maybe you can get something of value from my experience.
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wishful4
Posts: 991
Joined: Sun Oct 31, 2010 7:15 pm
Location: SE USA

Re: Despairing Husband seeks "The Line"

Post by wishful4 »

All us greedy males always want more. My spouse started out the same way as most. She did this because it was something she thought I wanted. It was a slow, slow progress in which it migrated to something that she wants and it is done the way she wants now. IMHO, male chastity shouldn't even be included in the BDSM umbrella. It fits perfectly within the vanilla umbrella. It discourages wasteful self-pleasuring, and infidelity. It encourages putting your spouse's needs above your own and insures her sexual needs are met. How does that not fit in perfectly with the white picket fence and the church? A healthy sexual relationship is one pillar of a healthy marriage. My advice would be to continue to communicate without being pushy, continue being patient as you are doing, and really listen to her. I have not been successful in doing so with my spouse, but try and encourage her to join this forum and use the resource of the Keyholder forum.
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Wishful4
Current Device: DhGate A271
VinnyDee
Posts: 182
Joined: Sat Dec 26, 2015 12:48 pm

Re: Despairing Husband seeks "The Line"

Post by VinnyDee »

You do not have to wear it outside of the house you know. The rulebook allows that. :) Here is how I turned a submissive wife who shared me with other women for most of our 44 years of marriage, into a proper KH.

I started off with just teasing and denial. I did not mention the existence of chastity devices. At first I just asked her to skip my orgasm for a week because I heard it will intensify my orgasm when I have it. She was OK with that but called sex without my orgasm, fake sex. When I did orgasm I put on a good show so that my wife saw the effect of denial had on me. One week turned into two and then three. It was at that point that I said I could not keep my promise not to masturbate for that long unless I had help. What help? Let me show you what couples into teasing and denial are using. I showed her the CB6000 online and explained how it works. She told me to get it if I wanted to.

I got it and wore it until I could wear it all day but not at night. After the first two weeks I gave her the keys to hold but all she did was put them in a drawer. She would forget them when she wanted to give me an orgasm at times and I would tell her not to bother and let,s make the sex all about you. I did a lot of acting in the beginning since I was conditioning her to view orgasm denial as more pleasurable for me than the orgasm itself. I offered to do the dishes each night, help with the laundry and not argue with her. She got to like the way I was when denied an orgasm for a few weeks. The clincher was nightly foot massages while she watched TV.

I showed my wife how to edge me and give me a ruined orgasm. She tried it for my benefit and she was getting aroused by the noises I made (partly acting) while she was teasing my penis. I also started to wear my CB6000 24/7 and my wife got used to holding my keys. We did not have any rules other than she makes the rules and I promised not to mastrubate so she would not have to worry about it. I made being a key holder a lot less of a chore that it is presented in many fantasy online stories and websites. No D/s. No FlR. Just teasing and denial with the CB6000 to help me avoid masturbating when my will got weak. I also would tell her how horny wearing it made me and that I felt more energized. I showered her with attention and went from hiding her naked body from me during the day to walking around the house naked. I made her feel like the sexiest woman alive. I think you can see what I was doing. Positive reinforcement works on both humans and animals.

We took baby steps and discussed what was working and what was not. We got practical about when I am locked up outside of the house after a few painful experiences. I work from home and do not go out every week so it is easy for me to stay locked up all the time. Like the majority of guys vote on every survey I saw, I went one month without an orgasm in year two. In year three I got 3 orgasms a year, and year four was two orgams a year. I was edged and teased once a week in addition to the little teasing my wife did during each day. I got a ruined orgasm about every 6 weeks. This year there is no more minimum number of orgasms. In fact, no more for the rest of this year. Maybe next year but I do not care anymore. We bought like me better when I am denied. I was too alpha before.

It also helped that we had not had intercourse for about 15-20 years. We cannot remember when we stopped. Several reasons for that ranging from needed drugs, becoming sexually submissive to them and a penis which shrunk for some reason so that I could not keep it inside them long enough to ejaculate in their vaginas. I kept reinforcing something that my wife always said, that she does not need my penis for sex and just plays with me out of love. I told her that not only did she get frustrated when I could not get erect but so did I so now I am locked up even during sex and she does not bother with my penis anymore. She has come a long way. She learned to love the control she had over my penis and how much attention I gave her.

So it was a process and I did not ambush her with a hunk of plastic on my penis asking her to deny me orgasms. We took baby steps just like I did when training a girlfriend to be my Mistress. A blindfold turns into tying me up and then a spanking which becomes paddling then whipping. Holding my testifcles tight becomes squeezing them which leads to slapping and punching them until finally kicking them. It took me almost 3 years to teach my wife's girlfriend how to dominate a man sexually. She enjoyed it so much that she married a submissive cuckold who I cuckolded for 25 years. It is all a matter of slowly having your wife realize that her long standing yardstick of your orgasm as validation of her attractiveness to her, is only for 10 seconds and not as good as denying you which gives you pleasure 24/7.

Try just T&D and then when you wife sees how intense your orgasms are when you are denied a few times, you can ask to try denial for a few days or a week more to see what happens. You have to put on a good show each time. I also only thanked my wife when she denied me and never when she let me orgasm. Subtle but effective. Look up Tantric sex which uses orgasm denial as a way to channel more energy into your body and provide a higher level of orgasm when you do orgasm. Call it Tantric sex with your wife. A lot of husbands go right for the chastity device and even trying to get their wives turn into dominatrices.

I was into BDSM for 47 years and had to train my own Mistresses from girlfriends who were sexually adventurous. One thing I learned over time was not to go right to the whipping and testicle kicking but rather start off with just a blindfold which led to tying me up and teasing me and so forth. When the girl was comfortable at the level we were at, I increased the level little by little. It is far easier to go from spanking to paddling then from vanilla sex to paddling. I think you get the point. Good luck. It took us three times to get it to work for us for for 4+ years. I foolishing introduced chastity like I read online with the domination and FLR stuff. My poor wife was overwhelmed. The second time I left out the FLR part but my wife is submissive and wants to be that way. She is a people pleaser. The third time was just Teasing and Denial and she liked that after a few times. Talk about chastity for maybe 5 minutes a night or 15 minutes on a weekend. When you start chastity you will talk about it a lot and annoy your wife. You are locked up all the time and acutely aware of your condition but your wife is not feeling what you are feeling nor thinking about your penis all the time, so set aside time to talk about it.

From my experience a chastity contract and using games to determine you orgasm denial period, takes away the control from your wife. You end up confined to the box rather than being able to play outside of it. Using a game at first is not bad since it takes the guilt out of denying you and she will feel guilt. They all do. It took my wife 3 years before she no longer felt guilty for denying me an orgasm and making me feel sexually frustrated every day. Now she is fine if I never have an orgasm again. In fact that is what she would prefer but she knows that with no hope of an orgasm, she has no control over me so there will be the odd orgasm over the years. How many is unknown to either of us. Play it by ear and be practical about chastity since it is only a sex game after all and does not come with instructions. If you make it fit your lifestyle you will stick with it much longer than if it is a pain in the butt. Some guys get hung up on the device they wear and lose sight of what being chaste means. You can be chaste without being locked up. You can easily masturbate when locked up so the device is mostly symbolic and a speed bump to give you pause before you do something you will regret later.
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braddogg4345
Posts: 135
Joined: Thu Nov 12, 2015 5:37 pm
Location: Southern California

Re: Despairing Husband seeks "The Line"

Post by braddogg4345 »

CanuckInNJ wrote:She's starting to enjoy, though, when I wait for her. That's as far as I've got in ten years. She tolerates the several devices that are mostly gathering dust in our toybox, but she can't go any farther than that.

How can I bring her to ask me to wear the device? Or do I?

Bear in mind that she fears that I'll be mugged/hit by a car/struck by lightning while wearing the device, and that our terrible secret will be exposed. Me, I'd welcome a lightning strike at this stage!

Should I stand by and wait another ten years? Or does somebody have the perfect line for me that will solve the whole issue? PLEASE GIVE ME THE LINE!

Otherwise, we actually have a pretty good sex life :-)

Maybe I should just leave it there. Good is good, right??
I wont lie, i dont have the time, nor the attention span to read through the long replies, so i may be repeating someone else's response. You should live the chastity lifestyle without the cage for right now. Show her all the benefits of male chastity. There is no woman on earth that would not want her man doing everything she asks of him.

Also make sure she knows how the whole orgasm denial works, and how men go back to being lazy slobs after an orgasm. A few weeks into the no cage chastity play, tell her you dont think you can control yourself any longer and beg her to lock you up. Hopefully she will do that for you.
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TwistedMister
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Last orgasm: October 21st, 2020
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Re: Despairing Husband seeks "The Line"

Post by TwistedMister »

Oh, if only there *were* a 'line' that would cause our wives to be just the way we'd like them to be.

Patience, and positive reinforcement. I've been at it much longer than you, and the Mrs. is still nowhere near where I think I'd like her to be...although, during the last session she *did* drop me off for a doctor appointment and did not think about removing it at all, she did not remember until *after* and she suddenly got this shocked look on her face and asked me what had happened. (I had removed it beforehand because I knew that she hadn't thought about it, and she would have freaked if I had done the visit and *hadn't* removed it.)
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04/07/19 "And then I 'punished' you by making you lick my pussy after I let my other 'boy' fuck me." --Mrs. Twisted
Koala
Posts: 28
Joined: Sun Jan 17, 2016 1:32 pm

Re: Despairing Husband seeks "The Line"

Post by Koala »

As others have said, there is no magic line or approach. However, there is one underlying consistency that should already exist - being respectful in communications. For my girlfriend and I, it was about sharing feelings, desires, the science of the body's responses to denial, and the benefits/drawbacks for her. Even with all of that, she wasn't all in until she got pissed off at me once for being drawn to chastity and just decided "If you want it, you got it." And three weeks after that, she wondered why she waited so long. But, part of her enjoyment of me being in chastity is that her anxieties are tempered as a result.

As for your situation, conversations with your wife at her pace is the most important thing. She'll be uncomfortable with it until she isn't. And she likely won't believe or fully comprehend the benefits until she experiences them for herself.
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