... for some value of "vanilla."

Living the real life under lock and key

... for some value of "vanilla."

Postby Tom Allen » Wed Dec 30, 2015 3:11 pm

This conversation comes up every so often, so lets just get it out of the way:

While we - the mod team - don't care about your particular kinks (in the sense that there is no judgment implied), we want to foster a place where people can discuss enforced chastity, OD, T&D, etc., in an environment that is free of *overt* displays of kinkery such as BDSM, Sissification, Cuckolding, and a host of others. While some of the members themselves may enjoy those interests, it has been our intention to keep them out of the focus so that those people who really are uncomfortable with other kinks can have a place to discuss just the chastity related parts.

When we started this group 5 years ago, we wanted to distinguish it from Chastity Mansion, and from several of the other larger forums that had a member base that were more BDSM oriented. What we wanted was a forum *mainly* for those who were vanilla oriented, and who were put off by the sissy & cuck crowd at Chastity Mansion, and by the more BDSM oriented groups elsewhere.

The first year we saw a lot of sissies coming over from Yahoo groups and The Mansion, which turned off many of the original members. We made the decision to discourage not the sissies themselves, but the usage of the terms often associated with that particular lifestyle. It's a fine distinction, but it was a workable compromise. We did not make the decision lightly, and it went along with our decision to have discussions as adults, and not in the "character" or personae.

So, the way it works is that a person can join in the discussions, ask questions, give answers, etc., but as Joe, and not Sissy Joanna. Again, it's not perfect, but it's the compromise that we worked out.

On a personal note, while I don't care about a particular member's kinks, I do care about having a forum that is mainly for the more vanilla crowd. When I started blogging, back in the stone age, most of the questions that I got were from men and women who were married or partnered, and who felt uncomfortable on the Yahoo groups (the women, especially), and on some of the more well known boards at the time. There really was no place for the more vanilla folks to go (ironically as it seems), and we created this group with them in mind. Since then (2010), we've managed to build up a small, but interesting community, and I'm generally pretty happy with how it has worked out.
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Re: ... for some value of "vanilla."

Postby Veganpunk » Wed Dec 30, 2015 3:42 pm

Keep up the good fight Tom! This is a great place, there are a few posters/topics that are bs, but for the most part can be ignored. This site alone has given me so much knowledge, has guided me and given me the courage to have "the talk" with my wife, and now we both are so happy with chastity. We are just a normal, pretty vanilla couple, and it's nice to have this forum to read from others like us. Anyway, keep on rockin' on!
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Re: ... for some value of "vanilla."

Postby Janelles hubby » Wed Dec 30, 2015 4:18 pm

As someone new here i aplaud your effort. I am a straight laced guy who wants to enrich my sex life with my wife only. If i have a question about how the cage fits on my penis, i would rather use that term than some weird slang term.
I like what i am readying so far, keep it up.
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Re: ... for some value of "vanilla."

Postby locked4her55 » Wed Dec 30, 2015 4:32 pm

Thanks Tom, Now how do we get everyone including 'newbies' and prospective 'newbies' to read this.

I managed a few years ago to get my wife Keeperof55 to join here. She spends most of her time over on the KH side but she does read the main section evey so often. This was quite an accomplishment for her to join and she is not turned off by the terms cock and penis but she would be offended if she saw an abundance of "girly clitty" terms being used.

Early on I spent some time 'over there' and found that it just wasn't the writing I wanted to read.
Last edited by locked4her55 on Wed Dec 30, 2015 4:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: ... for some value of "vanilla."

Postby belocked » Wed Dec 30, 2015 4:37 pm

I tried both this and the other site when I started a couple of years back. Here I found useful information and got some really good advice, the other place was mostly fantasy stuff for me. I gave up with the other site pretty quickly, but I'm still here both to ask the odd question and to keep up my journey blog occasionally as I found other people's journeys really helpful to understand what was happening to me/us. You can learn a lot but reading some of the journeys, and I've even learned from reading back through my own to see how I got where I am today. No regrets, it's been a fun trip and I like where I'm at now.

So my thanks to you, Tom, to the other moderators, and to everyone who contributes real stuff.
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Re: ... for some value of "vanilla."

Postby Shepherdsflock » Wed Dec 30, 2015 4:40 pm

Thanks for keeping it "clean". I'm not interested in the "hardcore" stuff.
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Re: ... for some value of "vanilla."

Postby Tom Allen » Wed Dec 30, 2015 8:54 pm

First off, thank you for the words of support.

Second, I want to make it clear that I'm not dissing Chastity Mansion, or Chastity Lifestyle, or Orgasm Denial, or any of the other forums. I used to frequent them myself, as probably did most of the members here. It's just that, as most of you know, those other groups tended to be home to, well, less vanilla activities. I don't have any objection to them or the activities -- but they just aren't what I'm into, personally, nor are many of the members here. Or at least, not on an active basis.

Third, there *is* a lot of wank fodder out there, and it's difficult at times to weed out the good and true from the fantasy, or the stuff that's actually harmful. And since most of us only have our own experiences by which to gauge what's likely, it's important to have a place to discuss things with other people who are interested in testing their own experiences, and not in trying to impress others. Do we have some members here who may be exaggerating? Probably, but we -- the mods and the other members -- do our best to help mitigate (not to mention, weed out and call out) the worst of the offenders.

And fourth, none of this would be possible without the cooperation of you - the members of this forum. So, thank you not only for your support, but for your help in making all of this work for us.
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Re: ... for some value of "vanilla."

Postby WifeIsVanilla » Thu Dec 31, 2015 8:13 am


I would like to add my thanks to you and the other mods for the great job you do at nudging the hard core kinksters toward sites more appropriate for them and maintaining the focus of this forum. I very much appreciate your efforts.
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Re: ... for some value of "vanilla."

Postby nebman » Fri Jan 01, 2016 8:11 pm

I also appreciate the nature of this sight. My interest in chastity devices was first aroused around 1997. The devices available were expensive and the success of using them for any length of time seemed unlikely, so I didn't even try a device until 2014.

There was no femdom or sissyfication industrial / kink complex in 1997. My wife is tolerant of the devices and can be engaging in play, but sissyfication in particular would be a huge turn off for her - and of no interest to me.

I do appreciate the technical side of this site and the quest for the perfect device is one of the areas I greatly appreciate. Additionally, I enjoy the ideas in realistic chastity play for those of us that have to get up for work in the morning and raise kids between morning and night.

Happy 2016 everyone!
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Re: ... for some value of "vanilla."

Postby Aarkey » Tue Jan 05, 2016 7:50 am

Tom Allen wrote:This conversation comes up every so often... we want to foster a place where people can discuss enforced chastity, OD, T&D, etc., in an environment that is free of *overt* displays of kinkery such as BDSM, Sissification, Cuckolding, and a host of others. What we wanted was a forum *mainly* for those who were vanilla oriented...

Tom thanks for the post, and your years of service in the chastity community. The clarification on the purpose and the forum rules was helpful for me, and I fully respect and understand and appreciate it. I will try to cease my instinct to assume the role of "Defender of all Things Kinky" and accept that there are plenty of places to use whatever terms you want, and that this forum is really trying to make a inviting environment for a more specific discussion to chastity, without potential added distractions.
"Some people need to be caged before they can be free." - Anon
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