S/O not liking MC

[MikeyLikes]

I had a hard time trying to come up with a subject line for this post.

My wife and I had tried MC for some time; and although it had its good points, there is one aspect of MC that she really doesn't like. I am wondering if any others here have this issue, and if so, how they've overcome it.

The issue that she has is that she feels that, when I'm locked up for x amount of time (days or weeks), she also has to miss out because she doesn't get to enjoy PIV sex with me. She feels (quite strongly in fact) that PIV sex is very important, and that's hard to argue against. If we do enjoy more PIV sex, then unless I'm real good at controlling my orgasms (which I'm not), then MC isn't happening. Also, even if she enjoys all the orgasms she wants, she still feels that if I don't orgasm, the sex act isn't complete.

Anyway, in a nutshell ( ), that's the problem we face with MC.

[Tom Allen]

This is not uncommon, and from here, there's no way to get what *you* want (more time denied) and continue to satisfy *her* desires (more access and orgasms all around). This means you need to work out a compromise. It might look like having her keep you locked, but not setting any time period on it; i.e., when she's in the mood, she unlocks you and the two of you go at it. Then, you go right back in.

Personally, I have found that going right back in immediately after orgasm is really difficult, but by the next day, the idea of having been "forced" back in becomes hot, and it gets me ramped up again. If this is the case with you, then it might be a workable compromise.

A few months ago, we had a pretty long thread running with a woman (wonderingwife) who humored her husband, but who had no particular interest in chastity devices. You might want to review that thread to see if there's anything in there about how they managed.

[wishful4]

The issue that she has is that she feels that, when I'm locked up for x amount of time (days or weeks), she also has to miss out because she doesn't get to enjoy PIV sex with me. She feels (quite strongly in fact) that PIV sex is very important, and that's hard to argue against. If we do enjoy more PIV sex, then unless I'm real good at controlling my orgasms (which I'm not), then MC isn't happening. Also, even if she enjoys all the orgasms she wants, she still feels that if I don't orgasm, the sex act isn't complete.

We had a lot of the same problems in the beginning and still to a certain extent. It took a long time to get her to understand that MC was about orgasm denial, not celibacy. She had the same misguided notion that she would have to go without sex when I was locked up. It took a long time to bring her to the realization that MC is about what she wants and that I wanted her satisfaction to always comes first. I had to explain over and over how being denied orgasm makes me feel, how it is the way I want to be loved, and not to feel guilty about it. She still wants to let me orgasm if we have a particularly good round of lovemaking. Try not to put pressure on her, just explain your feelings as best you can in a non-judgmental way. Point her towards the resources necessary to help her understand, but don't try and force her. Rome wasn't built in a day. Expect occasional setbacks even after you have been doing it for awhile.

[Tom Allen]

She still wants to let me orgasm if we have a particularly good round of lovemaking. Try not to put pressure on her, just explain your feelings as best you can in a non-judgmental way. Point her towards the resources necessary to help her understand, but don't try and force her.

A few years ago, Mrs. Edge got onto a ruined orgasm kick, and did it frequently. Although the frequency has dropped way off, she still enjoys it because, hey, who doesn't enjoy watching their partner have an orgasm, right? Stifling )i.e., squeezing) down at the last second allows her to watch me *almost* enjoy things, and doesn't make her feel like she's denying me overly long.

[gungadn]

My wife and I had tried MC for some time; and although it had its good points, there is one aspect of MC that she really doesn't like.

My advice can be summed up in 2 words.... Baby Steps!

First, you have to remember that she is way behind the curve on information. I feel pretty comfortable making the assumption that you have been thinking about this for years. But, the first time she ever heard about it was when you finally mentioned it to her. You HAVE to go at it at HER comfort level.

The issue that she has is that she feels that, when I'm locked up for x amount of time (days or weeks), she also has to miss out because she doesn't get to enjoy PIV sex with me. She feels (quite strongly in fact) that PIV sex is very important, and that's hard to argue against.

So, I would suggest that Baby Step 1 = you do NOT try to change the frequency of PIV sex. The only change to start with is you are locked up 100% of the time in between. If she wants sex every day, then you get released every single day to have sex, then are put back in right after. Even if you get released every day, that is still "chastity" as she is in control of when and if you get to orgasm.

Once she is comfortable with that... And has had more time to understand this strange kink of yours... You can then start introducing (1 at a time, baby steps, remember) PIV without orgasm, ruined orgasms, longer denial, etc.. etc.. etc... But, if you try to feed her the entire cake in 1 sitting, she is definitely not going to enjoy it.

[locked4her55]

A few months ago, we had a pretty long thread running with a woman (wonderingwife) who humored her husband, but who had no particular interest in chastity devices. You might want to review that thread to see if there's anything in there about how they managed.

I've got to admit, I really miss not having wonderingwife around anymore. There were some spirited discussions and I enjoyed her frankness and banter.

Oh well.. MikeyLikes, you've got some really great advice from some very "seasoned" members here. Can't disagree with any of it. I can hear Richard Dreyfuss saying to Bill Murray "baby steps” , and it's very true when it comes to male chastity. Be it adjusting to a new device or adjusting to a new lifestyle. For some, like us it took months. . . many months before she understood what I really wanted and for me to realize just what pushed her buttons. Who knew just how much a good foot rub or back rub meant?

As far as PIV is concerned she still loves to have me inside of her and I crave being denied. As mentioned before, it's a compromise but I will say that just recently we purchased a slip on sheath from http://www.oxballs.com. We don't use it all the time but it does accomplish two things that keeps us both satisfied. Pretty realistic (long lasting) penetration for her and frustrating denial for me.

Many of us here have made a commitment to put our KH's first. As I have mentioned here several times, my wife will tell you that I'm more focused (on her) when I'm locked up. So for the inevitable future that's what I'll be.

You have planted a seed. Now nurture it and allow it to grow.

[MikeyLikes]

Wow! Thanks for all the support, encouragement and advice. I really appreciate that

You all are definitely correct about baby-steps - like almost everything else in life, I go at it with both hands on the horns and then wonder why others are not getting close. Need to learn to slow down on some things.

[kpb57]

Let's face it: many women (including my beloved) really love to feel their men coming, and "filling them up", just as we men appreciate the satisfaction from having brought them to orgasm.

Don't try to take that away, just tell her how you like to be locked up immediately after the act, and stay that way until she wants you again.

-K

[WifeIsVanilla]

Sounds to me like outstanding advice.

[kept4her]

My wife and I came to a pothole in the life with MC. I have worn mine up to 90 days before. The thing we found was that after the first 7-10 days it was like getting use to a wedding ring. Once my body got use to it, it was second nature. Yes I would like to orgasm but we were playing a dice game and agreed to follow through till I "won" a release. Quickly after my longest time in the device she told me that we needed to come up with a different way to use the chastity. I agreed because I enjoyed the excitement and found I lost that excitement as time went on.

We came up with the idea that I would wear the device when it was my wife's "time of the month" that way, I would remember that it was her time of the month, be nicer to her and have to deal with my own issue, not being able to orgasm. Once her time is over, and only when she becomes "back in the mood" and vanilla time allows up to have a night would I get out again. Now this means somewhere between 7-10 days minimum and depending on vanilla life, kids, so on, it could slip to the next month. The point being, when she is back in the mood then I, of course, am in the mood also and we can enjoy a orgasm together. After that I am free till the next month. So far time has been between 10-17 days. Just a idea. This is posted in my journey also.