Women who prefer penetrative sex

Living the real life under lock and key
David
Posts: 13
Joined: Sat Oct 02, 2010 1:24 pm

Women who prefer penetrative sex

Post by David »

I realised after posting in the thread about chastity devices v the honour system, that the main reason my wife and I don't try a device is that she only really likes penetrative sex. Oral and manual stimulation just don't do it for her (at least, not when I administer them).

Therefore if I wore a device, it would have to come off every time she wanted her pleasure. And I would then be faced with having to hold off from climaxing unless she gave permission, as I do at present. So the denial would largely remain under my own control and not hers.

I sense from other posts and forums that many women prefer penetrative sex, at least some of the time, so are sacrificing this to some extent if their partner is locked. But perhaps my wife is unusual in not being able to orgasm except this way. (Or alternatively, I am unusual in not being able to pleasure her successfully in other ways.)

We're quite happy doing things as we are, but any thoughts appreciated, D
0 x
User avatar
Dev
Posts: 1192
Joined: Sun Sep 26, 2010 6:10 am
Location: New England, USA
Contact:

Re: Women who prefer penetrative sex

Post by Dev »

Interesting comment. I love penetrative sex but I am one of those women who doesn't orgasm during intercourse. I blogged about it here: http://devotedlvr.wordpress.com/2010/09 ... g-orgasms/. So for me, it can be a double-edged sword. I want and crave my husband's cock inside me but by doing that (assuming he orgasms) I am giving up some of my own pleasure. Our compromise, in our pre-chastity lives was that I'd get my vibrator orgasm then he'd get his orgasmic fuck.

The problem began entering the picture when I realized his orgasmic fucks weren't so great, for either me or him. I learned, after the fact (that is, after we got going on chastity), that this was probably the result of masturbating so frequently that we were having intercourse while he was still in his refractory period. What was going on? Mediocre erections and no ejaculation. I am curious, wondering, and hopeful to see if his 53 days of chastity helps to deal with that problem.

In the meantime, yes, I've given up penetrative sex with his cock (for the moment) but I don't really see this as a problem. He's doing a better job of focusing on me and giving me pleasure. I am also focusing more on experiencing the sensations I am feeling and trying to get away from only having him use a vibrator. He made me come the other day with his tongue and chin. I wrote about it here: http://devotedlvr.wordpress.com/2010/09 ... -be-maybe/. While on my "meter" is was only a 4, upon reflection over the next few days, it was a truly fabulous experience. We're also playing a lot which various toys and dildoes and for the moment, they are meeting my penetrative need.

D
0 x
The Key is on my Nipple Ring
a couple's explorations with a chaste life, from the wife's point of view
Dev's Gallery
my stash of good looking men
Keyheld: Chastity Resources for Lovers
mykey
Posts: 63
Joined: Mon Sep 27, 2010 4:51 pm

Re: Women who prefer penetrative sex

Post by mykey »

My wife used to be penetration only as the ultimate form of sex. She needed my hand to cum but only after fucking. Pregnancy changed that. We still don't know why, it wasn't childbirth related as it started before. We suspect that while pregnant when penetration was less comfortable we played more manually, out of necessity. In this time she learned a rich and kinky fantasy life and once she had that tool she ended up preferring it. Before this period she very rarely fantasised and when she did it was with my guidance. She hadn't done it before we met.

Second pregnancy strengthened that process.
0 x
Mayhew
Posts: 74
Joined: Wed Sep 29, 2010 5:21 pm
Location: somewhere awesome
Contact:

Re: Women who prefer penetrative sex

Post by Mayhew »

Therefore if I wore a device, it would have to come off every time she wanted her pleasure. And I would then be faced with having to hold off from climaxing unless she gave permission, as I do at present. So the denial would largely remain under my own control and not hers.
My wife also loves coital sex. I can't imagine being kept in a cage for any longer than about a week before she wanted me out for it. So far, this has been true. She's let me out twice in ten days, for sex both times.

She likes the feeling of me coming inside her too. But when we were using the honour system, she would, quite often, like to fuck for a while and then not allow me orgasm. She'd finish, and then I'd go back into denial.

It seems that to you, having her have total control would be the sole point of having a device.

For me, don't think it is going to be much of a stretch to combine the device with periods of self control while I'm out. Especially if she is there reminding me I'm not allowed to come.

After the short amount of time I've been using a device, this is so far true, anyway.
0 x
Jimi123
Posts: 136
Joined: Tue Sep 28, 2010 8:16 am

Re: Women who prefer penetrative sex

Post by Jimi123 »

Dev you might want to get him into a strapon harness and combine that with a vibrator. Or Combine intercourse with a vibrator.

I think after 53 days of chastity your going to have a "two pump chump" in the love making department. I think he will have a hair trigger and that won't encourage more intercourse.

This is btw one of the reasons I'm not keen on long term denial. I think its also quite possible that using devices that restrict full erections will likely encourage atrophy and ED. Neither of which would be a plus for intercourse.

If Chastity is used to encourage better behaviour and female open-ness I'm all for it but I think some of the forks in this road can lead to awful performance and even health issues.

http://www.worldhealth.net/news/frequen ... ff_prosta/

Anyway, food for thought.
0 x
User avatar
Dev
Posts: 1192
Joined: Sun Sep 26, 2010 6:10 am
Location: New England, USA
Contact:

Re: Women who prefer penetrative sex

Post by Dev »

Jimi123 wrote:Dev you might want to get him into a strapon harness and combine that with a vibrator. Or Combine intercourse with a vibrator.
Do you mean now while he's locked up or for afterwards? Not following you...We have 2 vibrators, 3 strap ons and the njoy pur wand. All of them have been getting a good workout in recent weeks.
I think after 53 days of chastity your going to have a "two pump chump" in the love making department. I think he will have a hair trigger and that won't encourage more intercourse.
We'll see. You know I'll be reporting details in full. My fans expect nothing less. ;)
This is btw one of the reasons I'm not keen on long term denial. I think its also quite possible that using devices that restrict full erections will likely encourage atrophy and ED. Neither of which would be a plus for intercourse.
You've posted a lot of different concerns about health as one of your primary reasons for being hesitant to try chastity. That's fine, that's your choice. But I also think you are extremely interested in chastity---dare I say, even turned on by the idea?---but because you can't/won't go there, you exaggerate the health risks to justify your decision.

Atrophy: I am looking at my husband's cock at least once a day and giving him a good ball massage every morning. I can tell you truthfully that it is not atrophying, one tiny bit.

ED: As I have stated in my blog, I think we were already dealing with this problem. Not full-on ED where he couldn't achieve an erection at all, but the quality of his erections was less than stellar. I think the problem stemmed from his own masturbatory activities, getting used to the stimulation of his own hand (and thus not being satisfied with my hand or mouth), and a refractory period of ~24 hours (not unusual in a man of his age, 57). If he went to the doctor, he'd walk out with a prescription for Viagra or Cialis. Instead, we're using chastity as a non-pharmacologic intervention to see if it addresses the problem.

Guys (of all ages) write Dan Savage all the time with the complaint that the only way they can come is by their own hand and often only in a certain position. Dan's advice is consistent: stop what you are doing. You need to untrain your cock from what you have trained it to do/want. For us, using a device is the way we have implemented this intervention.

The second piece, which Dan does not address, is the fact that we've kept the level of sexual interest and arousal very high over the past 6+ weeks. I don't think we've had a single day without some sort of sexual interaction, even if it is brief and slight (ball massage in the morning, eg). Many days, we're doing something morning and night. I know this is having a hormonal effect (see Kelmag's post on this issue, here: http://secretchastityhusband.blogspot.c ... otion.html) and I believe the outcome in terms of erectile function will be positive, not negative.

What if I'm wrong? Well, we won't be any worse off than we were at the beginning, will we?

Bodies are tough things. Look how many years a person can smoke before they develop COPD. Many smokers never get lung cancer. I'm not advocating smoking but what I mean is, our bodies are remarkably resilient and recuperative. I really don't think that being orgasmless for 53 days is all that long, in the big scheme of things. I don't expect my husband to come out of his Jailbird with a shriveled little dick that will never be erect again. I really don't believe that is going to happen.

The other worry you've posted about, here and there, is prostate health. Given that no one knows what causes BPH (benign prostatic hypertrophy) and prostate cancer, saying that you don't want to try chastity because you are worried about both of these seems to be, to me, an extreme trade-off. As I said in another post, I think the best thing to do is eat a healthy diet, maintain a healthy weight, exercise, not smoke, and drink moderately (if at all). My husband, in fact, is in better shape than I am. I could stand to lose a few pounds and should exercise more. He exercises daily and is the perfect weight for his height (he wears size 34 jeans). So...I really don't think I am putting his prostate at great risk by having him wear a Jailbird for a few months.

D
0 x
The Key is on my Nipple Ring
a couple's explorations with a chaste life, from the wife's point of view
Dev's Gallery
my stash of good looking men
Keyheld: Chastity Resources for Lovers
likes2blocked
Posts: 251
Joined: Sun Sep 26, 2010 1:57 pm

Re: Women who prefer penetrative sex

Post by likes2blocked »

Jimi123 wrote:This is btw one of the reasons I'm not keen on long term denial. I think its also quite possible that using devices that restrict full erections will likely encourage atrophy and ED. Neither of which would be a plus for intercourse.
I'm confused - I thought your wife had decided against doing this anyway? At least that's where things left off on the other forum before we all moved over here.
0 x
User avatar
dannymandan
Posts: 13
Joined: Thu Sep 30, 2010 6:33 pm
Location: North Carolina

Re: Women who prefer penetrative sex

Post by dannymandan »

Thankfully I've been blessed with a wife that can come from penetrative sex. I've used a vibrator on her in the past that she thoroughly enjoyed, but I am certain she likes the penetration more.
0 x
User avatar
Dev
Posts: 1192
Joined: Sun Sep 26, 2010 6:10 am
Location: New England, USA
Contact:

Re: Women who prefer penetrative sex

Post by Dev »

dannymandan wrote:Thankfully I've been blessed with a wife that can come from penetrative sex. I've used a vibrator on her in the past that she thoroughly enjoyed, but I am certain she likes the penetration more.
You are blessed then because there are a lot of women (myself included) who can't come from vaginal intercourse. Some estimates are as high as 70%.

Are you sure she is orgasming? Not faking it? I say this honestly, as an addictive faker. We have ways of hiding what is really going on (just like lots of other addicts do). I say this sort of tongue in cheek but also seriously. See: http://devotedlvr.wordpress.com/2010/09 ... g-orgasms/

If she really has penetrative orgasms then like you said, count your blessings.

D
0 x
The Key is on my Nipple Ring
a couple's explorations with a chaste life, from the wife's point of view
Dev's Gallery
my stash of good looking men
Keyheld: Chastity Resources for Lovers
User avatar
dannymandan
Posts: 13
Joined: Thu Sep 30, 2010 6:33 pm
Location: North Carolina

Re: Women who prefer penetrative sex

Post by dannymandan »

I am absolutely sure it is genuine. The way her body reacts (i.e. vaginal tightening) can't be faked in my opinion.

BTW, I just asked her. We're watching Jersylicious.
She said she hasn't faked one in a very long time. Especially since she's gotten comfortable with our relationship.
0 x
Post Reply