realization

[mrchastity]

Hi all,

I might have just had an epiphany that could explain a lot about who I am and I want all of your inputs on it...

I am now 21 almost 22 and have been involved with chastity in some way since I was 11 years old. When I turned 11 a friend of mine sent me a link to www.kinky.com (which btw is not the same website as it is now) and I havent spoken to him since that year of my life also but that day I remember specifically had stemmed me into things from female bondage and bdsm, to female chastity, to male chastity... for obvious (To me) reasons I started getting into male chastity because it was easier to practice that lifestyle at the young age that I started this stuff then it would be at that age to find a female partner... my first homemade device was used with duct tape and other things. I remember the first time I had an orgasm I was putting myself into some type of bondage... My first commercial device was a cb3000 that I got when I was 14 and Ive now moved onto my 2nd cb6000...

Over the years I have tried to get 3 people involved with this fetish and noticed that it wasnt what I expected as a fantasy. the first person was very non involved and it lasted a very short time. the 2nd person though I never told that I was truely turned on by it and I tried to orchestrate a fantasy around it and kept trying to dominate how the situation went....

The last person, my ex girlfriend of a year and a half (we just broke up 31 days ago) I told everything about it to. She knew that it turned me on exponentially and what I liked and didnt like... The problem however that I am just realizing tonight is that I topped from the bottom ALL the time, because, I am not a submissive? It's like I am a dominant person that wants to be submissive...

An example of this would be when my ex would pinch me or bite me on my balls I would stop her, unless I was restrained. I didnt like it but I couldnt mentally tell myself to take it, I had to tell myself it was only ok if I was forced. Same with the cage.

She would tell me to lockup and id ask her if she was sure? Like i was questioning her dominance. and then it got to a point where she would tell me to lockup but I wanted her to do it so I told her to do it bcuz why would i want to lock myself up. nobody in there right mind would want to lock themselves up right...? (no not right lol, Ive locked myself up plenty of times and thats why I told her about it)

It got to a point where she didnt like playing anymore obviously bcuz 1, she wasnt good at putting it together and 2, I was taking the fun away. So basically my realization tonight (while talking to an online dom that tried to make me send her money when I was like uhhh why?) is that im not really submissive. Atleast I dont think I am, I think its just something I have learned to like because of the accessibility of it with myself. If I had a submissive female I think I would grow into that role better. But obviously from the years of orgasms thinking the other way It would take some time...

Anyone care to shed some light?


Btw, from the YEARS, of knowing the ins and outs of this lifestyle, I have read thousands of posts from all these websites and blogs. Atleast once a day every day since I was 13-14... I have seen this chastity community grow from the countless forums that have come and gone and THIS at chastityforums.com, is my first post ever. Even though the others have been around longer, I feel like the people of this forum are the most, real and down to earth. Even though Im some random person in the whole grand scheme of this internet thing, from my experience and my whole archive of activity over the years in my brain, If i could, I would give this forums the award for most promising in the future.

Sorry for the long winded post.

[Tom Allen]

Wow.

Let me break this down to something simple. You are confusing the idea of chastity/orgasm control with submission. They are not the same thing; while there is often some overlap, chastity is more of a kink, while submission is more of a mindset (and I can see the arguments already starting).

It's interesting to note that there are a not-insignificant number of self-professed dominant partners who enjoy being locked up - in fact, there used to be a Yahoo group for this kind of thing back in the day. You aren't necessarily submissive, you just kink on the denial or control.

And yes, we are quite the best group, aren't we?

[TwistedMister]

The problem however that I am just realizing tonight is that I topped from the bottom ALL the time, because, I am not a submissive? It's like I am a dominant person that wants to be submissive...

An example of this would be when my ex would pinch me or bite me on my balls I would stop her, unless I was restrained. I didnt like it but I couldnt mentally tell myself to take it, I had to tell myself it was only ok if I was forced. Same with the cage.

You are most definitely not alone in this regard. I am anti-authoritarian and tend to assume positions of power, dominance and authority over others in 'real life'. I am most definitely *not* 'submissive'.

However, I am extremely turned on by bondage, forced control and consensual non-consent (IOW, aside from a few hard limits [things that I absolutely don't want to happen], after I consent to be involved in a 'scene' my partner has the power to force me to participate in any sexual/fetish activities she might desire, without regard for whether I would want to participate or not).

[RegularJoe]

Yes...let us all bask in the normalcy of our specific paraphilia!

[iceman47]

I submit quite willingly to my wife in our FLR and it is a way of life, pure and simple. Chastity is a part of that way of life and neither of us would change a thing. Why does everything just have to have a label? Why can't something just be what it is?

[rmcingle]

You have to understand that there are natural dominants, who enjoy it and will do it because they want to. Female versions of this are hard to come by.

There are a LOT of females who are NOT dominant and don't want anything to do with it. Getting such a person to play dominant for other than a short session is just not likely.

Then there are those that are in between. They may do it because they are trying to fill your need. But nothing will turn them off faster than you "topping from the bottom" or simply not being submissive. They don't want to discipline you and they are not likely to force you. If she says "put it on" and you say "no" she will say "OK" and that's it.

Ron