The trick question she asked.

[kept4her]

We were sitting at dinner and I was discussing the interest of wanting my wife to "want me in chastity" and she asked, "So what do you want me to do or what does other keyholders do". I found that I didn't have a real answer....

We agreed in the beginning that chastity will not be a "reward based" release, since she feels I should do nice things for her all the time, not when i want out. So, a basic date is set usually around 30 days away. This time I went in on the 25th of September and plan to be released on the 25th of October. The only thing she can do is extend my time in if I was a "ass".

Her being vanilla and "ok" with chastity. She doesn't get excited nor does she really find anything bad with it. She just is very neutral with it all and when she asked, I really couldn't put my finger on any ideas.

We had talked and yet to do this, but we plan that once a week I would take care of her for solo orgasm's by oral simulation but haven't gotten to do that yet with vanilla life.

Anyone else ever hit this roadblock with no clear answer?

[Tom Allen]

I don't like butternut squash. My wife really enjoys it, so when it's in season, I cook it fairly often for her. I don't like peeling it, I don't care for the smell, and I can only stand eating it if I've loaded it up with butter, salt, and other spices. But because she enjoys it, I make the effort to cook it whenever she asks. I'm happy that she's enjoying it, but no amount of my cooking will make me *want* to have it for myself.

Now, this isn't the greatest analogy, but the fact is that some things simply won't appeal to certain people. Maybe your wife just can't get into the mindset. Maybe she hasn't discovered what's in it for her. You can't make her enjoy something that she doesn't "get."

You could try buying some of the keyholder books that are out there, and maybe that might help her get into the mindset. But do you, yourself, have an idea of what you would like to see? Are you pushing that idea too hard? Maybe there is something that would work for her if she had the opportunity (and time) to figure it out.

All keyholders are different, and all of them will get something different out of the experience. Mrs. Edge is generally pretty vanilla, but she really enjoys the idea of controlling when, where, and how. This meant that we had to not go by any schedule or point system, but leave it up to her, entirely. There was a period where she was unlocking me often, but at some point she wondered how long she would feel comfortable leaving me in. She left me locked for several months and made do with our strapon just so she could experiment. Eventually she discovered what made it work for her was my constant arousal, as long as I managed to not paw her every waking moment.

[hot_toddy_dog]

We had talked and yet to do this, but we plan that once a week I would take care of her for solo orgasm's by oral simulation but haven't gotten to do that yet with vanilla life.

Only once a week? Once you experience the level of ecstasy that can be achieved by pleasuring a woman orally while in chastity, you may not want to go back to anything else... and that applies for both of you. And I think you'll be doing it more than once a week.

[Tom Allen]

Only once a week? Once you experience the level of ecstasy that can be achieved by pleasuring a woman orally while in chastity, you may not want to go back to anything else... and that applies for both of you. And I think you'll be doing it more than once a week.

To be fair, this might be *your* experience, but it doesn't apply universally. Mrs. Edge isn't a big fan of oral, and she would *prefer* to have PIV sex.

It sounds like k4h and his wife simply haven't figured out what is going to work for the both of them.

[poor]

I can't see the 'trick' in her question. It seems to me that she just wanted you to lay it all out for her to consider and when it came to it, you didn't have an answer to give her.

[prthomas]

My wife is fairly vanilla about my being locked up, though there are moments she gets excited (like clicking the lock). Early on, I wanted her to tell me when to lock up. She didn't really do it very often. Once we talked about it, I learned that her arousal came not from telling me to lock up, but in my coming to her already caged with the lock in hand. She then would smile and put the lock on with a tight squeeze and give me a passionate kiss.

So, I had to forgo what I wanted in favor of what I know turns her on. Knowing what I like, she does tell me to lock up every now and then. But I am just as content now doing it "her way" because I know she likes it.

I suggest not looking at what others do. Instead, invest the time in dialogue (which is what you are doing) and be open to changing your perception of how she should be in favor of how she is. That is, in essence, the purpose of chastity in general. When we focus and are obedient to what our spouse desires, that has a greater return than centering things around what is locked in our cage.

[kept4her]

I have been thinking a lot about this because it being more of a "Dream" for so long I still get worked up when I go back in chastity. Yes this has only been the third time I locked back in but each of these times has been for a good bit of time.

Someone on Fet suggested a simple thing that really put everything into prospective....

"tell her your very happy with her allowing you in chastity and holding the keys, and that you want to return the favor. Ask her what she might like you to do in return. Leave it at that, and enjoy the fact that she is ok with your chastity and see where it goes from there."

I never thought about it but think that is very well put...