Going orgasm-less

[Finn]

I'm only locked at home..so that helps. Also, I get edging sessions and sex, so it's not like I get no stimulation. The thing with me is that when I'm locked long enough, the stimulation I do get feels as good or better than most orgasms. The only way I get that level of sensation is with chastity and denial. So for me it's trading the single occasional orgasm for more frequent stimulation, but without orgasm.

You nailed it! The realization that the short term pleasure of an orgasm does not compare to the longer lasting but no less intense euphoria of denial has hit me too. I expect to have my next orgasm in early January, and after it, we will assess whether or not to make orgasm free living a permanent thing. Right now, after 4+ months without, I feel that I am in need of one, but that thinking may change once January rolls around.

I went around 5 months orgasm-less last year and it was great. I still leak semen when close to the edge and can stop an orgasm and ejaculation by squeezing the pc muscle, so it's not full denial in the sense of no release of semen, but there is no big orgasm or ejaculation, just spillage and dribbles with the feeling of a real orgasm just out of reach. Now it's going to be permanently that way.

[chasteinhaiku]

The idea of forever surrendering my orgasm is super hot but I think I will always need to know that I will eventually have the orgasm I've spent so much time flirting with.

When going orgasmless, how do you guys avoid the accidental ruined orgasms and other accidents?

Or do you still have those on occasion (purposely or not) but just don't count them against your orgasmless stretch.

I've never gone 20 days w.out having an accidental ruined orgasm. They just seem to have ways of sneaking up on me, lol.

However, I can't even remember the last time I had a full unrestricted orgasm... maybe 3 or 4 months.

[Finn]

Years ago, I went a full 3 months with no orgasm at all, while locked up. There was sex, but I didnt get too close to an actual orgasm. Nowadays, I think what helps me is that I have been into edging myself (back in the masturbating days..*sigh*) and doing Tantric/Kareeza with the wife for well over a decade. What we're striving for here is not the absolute zero of the previous chastity, but more of a denial of a full orgasm. The ideal for me is to be getting close to cumming, and then have a quantity of semen simply leak out. Sometimes you get too close and I use a Tantric technique of holding the pc muscle contracted, to surpress the orgasm, and stop the ejaculation entirely, or relax as the restrained contractions subside, and allow some semen to escape. The trick is to not relax too soon and have an orgasm, or more of an ejaculation start, but not to hold it so long that my girl doesnt get some taste of her reward for her edging efforts. What we want is to keep some semen drained from me, but not to have the full pleasure or relief of a full orgasm. The best feeling in the world for me, is to be denied, locked up, then edged, then locked back up while still aroused, and to give a series of orgasms while locked and erect(ish) and loving that Im giving her something that I've given up. By not having my own orgasm, it's removed as a goal for me (and has been for a while) so that I consider the orgasms I give as my own orgasm in most ways. When engaging in sex, I am focused on the other persons pleasure and orgasm, and not my own. I can still take charge and dictate when and how that orgasm will happen for the other person, and my not cumming allows me to tease or deny them (kinda like payback) and to extend their pleasure as needed.

[Harry Haversackers]

So far we've avoided anything close to a full orgasm, but I've been given the occasional ruined orgasm, and do tend to leak a lot when she edges me, which neither of us consider to be a problem. I also tend to produce quite a bit of semen when squeezing to get that last bit of urine out of my bladder, but of course, there is no pleasure in that.

As Finn mentions, giving her the best possible orgasms has become the focus of our lovemaking. I no longer think about my own when with her, unless, of course, she's teasing me and taunting me about not being allowed to come. Then, it's all I can think about...

[MissyBsBitch]

My wife asked me a couple of days ago when do I actually want to have a full orgasm again? Now this is the 4 th time she asked me in the last 6 months. The last 3 times I have answered with that it is totally up to her when she chooses to give me a full orgasm. This time I jokingly answered with "when do I want to have a what?" She smiled at me said "well I'm enjoying having you orgasm free so I think your next full orgasm will be never." My reply " never really????? You sure ????"
The thought that my last full orgasm 200 days ago was my last full orgasm turns me on to no end. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it.

[locked4her55]

Proof that our biggest sexual organ isn't between our legs, it's between our ears.

[hot_toddy_dog]

Congratulations Finn, first on being lucky to have such an understanding partner, and second, on having the courage to go completely orgasm free. I also have had similar experiences with tantra / karezza and very long term orgasm denial, which I completely loved (18+ months was my longest). At many times I did (and still do) want to go totally orgasm free, but there were a couple of factors that stopped that from becoming a permanent lifestyle change.

The first time I wanted to commit to being totally orgasm-free, permanently, was after doing a full year trial of female-orgasm only sex. We both loved it, and although my wife was skeptical, she agreed to help encourage me to stay on this path forever. It only lasted another six months. When I look back at what went wrong, it was a combination of factors. First, I got really into pleasuring her - this is quite good - but unfortunately, I got so into it that eventually I had an orgasm simply from pleasuring her. I didn't know that was going to be possible, and wasn't prepared for it.

From that point on, it was a slippery slide all the way off the wagon. That orgasm felt really good, I wanted to repeat the experience, and I had already broken my promise of remaining totally orgasm-free. So the promise broken, no point in sticking with it.. and fast forward several years of wanting this, but never able to fully commit.

Eventually, I developed the ability to orgasm while performing oral sex on her, nearly 100% of the time (if she opted for the third orgasm), about 50% of the time on her second orgasm, and 25% of the time I would orgasm during or before her first O!! That wasn't good, and it was a challenge to even finish pleasing her after that. At that point, I knew I needed a change.

That brought me to chastity. Fast-forward several more years and devices before she began to get comfortable with that idea. Also, throw in the desire to procreate along the way (which we did, successfully). Even when we were trying to get pregnant, I wanted to get back to this so bad, I was on a full OD regimen - I timed my once a month ejaculation with her cycle, and lo and behold that worked once we got the right day down. It was really frustrating to have the lows after that though, and I did slip up several times.

Despite my best efforts after that, I discovered I could orgasm inside the chastity device, again, simply by pleasuring her. Although a smaller device might help make that less rewarding, I don't expect it to eliminate it, and the point of avoiding it isn't necessarily denying myself the pleasure of an orgasm, it is avoiding the low after a release. For the past 30 days, I've actually managed to be good about this and have been O free!! Quite happy about that. What changed? I had a goal.

At this point, we are just starting a new phase - I have committed (from today, exactly) to two full years of female orgasm-only lovemaking, with no more penetrative sex, and me in chastity for all of our lovemaking.

Why two years and not forever? Because I actually do want this to be forever, but I know that if we agree to that and we slip up somewhere along the way, I'll end up right back where I have been for so many years, in chastity limbo - wanting it but not really able to maintain it. I found that having a goal was what allowed me to go 18 months before - that started off as 1 month, then 2, then 6, then a year... and that worked wonderfully for me. I never had the desire to throw in the towel and give in, despite a few near accidents that did lower my drive somewhat - fortunately none of them were big full blown O's. But if I didn't have a goal I would have just as easily made an excuse and given up after that, which is exactly what happened around month 18 when I unexpectedly had a full blown orgasm, and then proceeded right back to vanilla, un-arousing, self-indulgent sex. My wife is very obliging and thought that is what I wanted. That's what my penis wanted, but that's not what was in my heart - that was still yearning for our tantric, goddess-worship, female-orgasm only - whatever you want to call it practice. As a male, once you have learned to love the intensity of non-orgasmic sex, it's very hard to stay away from its siren song calling you to return. So for now, it is two years. In two years, I can always extend it further, and I know from experience that the longer you are invested in this, the harder it is to give it up.. so most likely this is a permanent shift, but without the psychological pitfalls that await if an accident or a near accident springs up on us.

What works for everyone is different, and I am not saying you need to do it that way. I wish you best of luck in your journeys Finn! Glad to know there are other couples like us out there.

[hot_toddy_dog]

I was thinking some more about this and I think what keeps it going for me is the thrill of taking it further in the future. Part of that fantasy for me is eventually arriving at the situation of permanent chastity, with a completely non-orgasmic sex life where I can stay 100% devoted to my wife's pleasure.

However, after arriving in that situation, there is no way (at least no sane way) to take it any further. At that point, the fantasy component of it has become reality, and the only fantasies remaining beyond that get more and more restrictive and less realistic. Having already given up penetrative sex, there isn't much further I can go. So, for me, it seems, the only way to make the fantasy a reality is strangely enough, to keep it a fantasy. Right now, my biggest and most intense fantasy is what will happen two years from now, when I am allowed to orgasm again - and choose not to, and instead decide to devote myself to three more years of female-orgasm-only lovemaking with my wife. Somewhere id is being deceived by ego and superego the mastermind behind this whole plan, maybe this doesn't make sense to anyone else, but it works for me.

You are quite lucky to have a partner who is willing to let you do the non-orgasmic intercourse / karezza style love-making. We tried it for a while, but found the downside was I would sometimes have partial ejaculations (was able to hold back from O, but this would still end the love-making). Eventually she just wanted to get all the stimulation and found the hour-long sex boring, so now we just cater exclusively to her pleasure. Took a long time to wrap my head around that and still come out of it feeling completely satisfied myself, but that eventually did happen - this was long after the point where her orgasms began to seem like mine. I still had the desire for stimulation, but eventually that was replaced by the desire to cuddle afterwards. Now, the desire to be aroused in chastity has replaced any desire for stimulation, but I still do wonder what it would have been like had my wife ended up enjoying extended intercourse or other activities - perhaps then I wouldn't need this whole fantasy / goal structure to keep myself on track. In any case, slightly jealous, in a good way