Vanilla Female-Led Relationship Thread

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Vanilla Female-Led Relationship Thread

Postby Anymouse » Sun Jul 29, 2012 5:20 pm

I'd like some commentary here, particularly if you fit into this mould.

Domina/submissive. Shoe worship. Foot worship. Other various body parts worship. Whips and chains and cuffs. Riding crops. Flails. Dungeons. Cuckolding. Male enslavement. Multiple male milking stalls like a dairy barn to harvest large quantities of cum. CBT. Leather and latex. Fantasy and reality.

All in a day's work for a kinky erotic Romance editor where all the novels are written by women.

And when I take off my kinky editor hat and put away all my research materials that Miss BethK has never had the desire to pick up and read - she hasn't even read any of the novels I've edited, I put on my middle-aged vanilla chaste hub in a female-led-relationship hat.

It was my editing that lead me to the chaste lifestyle. Male chastity appeared in a femdom story I was editing. That caused me to do research on the side, and here we are today. First we played at chastity, then forty days ago it got serious when the lock snapped and the key went to my wife. Nary an orgasm since.

Miss BethK pretty much leads this menagerie which is our life in a little house on the prairie. And I pretty much follow. That works best for us. And though everyone in our little village of 128 is aware of my kinky Romance editing, they are unaware of my new chaste ways, or how much Miss Beth is really in charge around here. (She is the rabble-rousing politico around here though, firing up a successful campaign to save our Post Office from closure and taking a village library board :geek: seat about a year after we moved here - the village board might be her next conquest).

I just spent an hour or so writing the longest post to our blog, detailing how I wound up in a female-led marriage which is almost exclusively vanilla (besides male chastity). All my research into various and sundry kinks (it's a job, not an adventure), and all my private perusing of the Web, whilst I find much about the FLR that has a woman ruling over the roost like a personal fiefdom, I've found nothing on a vanilla FLR.

So I wrote a post about it. As our blog has taken the blogosphere by storm (it has two followers), that important information is available now.

Are there no vanilla female-led-relationships or marriages besides ours? Or is the nature of vanilla such that reading about such a relationship just - well - too vanilla?

Are there any besides us? Or is even a vanilla FLR destined to slide inexorably into the Great Beyond of a femdom relationship? Even the "publish" button on this edit screen says "submit": so many social cues here. . . .

Whether your FLR (or desire for one) is vanilla or otherwise, I would like to hear from you on how you got where you are today. Perhaps I am just a bit down: our blog has only been going since June (though our female-led marriage is approaching five years now); surely there must be more folk who are either curious or have experience in this area they'd like to share? I don't fancy myself a trailblazer in vanilla kink. - James.
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My wife Miss BethK holds my key.
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Re: Vanilla Female-Led Relationship Thread

Postby Atone » Sun Jul 29, 2012 6:31 pm

two suggestions -

first is check your site stats. I am sure more than two people are reading it, they just haven't subscribed. I rarely subscribe to anything on keyheld, I just check in once a day or so.

second, take a look at some of the more popular blog sites on keyheld (thumper, edge of vanilla). They are much easier to navigate. Personally I get annoyed enough with just the blogger box stating it is explicit on some sites. Your blog just has too many things to go through to find the content. I would do away with the "purpose of this blog and content" as a sticky at the top. All the "Warning Adult Content" messages are over the top too.

It is possible that your site is being judged on its format rather than the content.
Celtic Queen wrote: Some stuff works for some people, other stuff doesn't and you just have to adapt the lifestyle to what works for you both.
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Re: Vanilla Female-Led Relationship Thread

Postby Anymouse » Sun Jul 29, 2012 6:54 pm

Atone wrote:two suggestions -

first is check your site stats. I am sure more than two people are reading it, they just haven't subscribed. I rarely subscribe to anything on keyheld, I just check in once a day or so.

second, take a look at some of the more popular blog sites on keyheld (thumper, edge of vanilla). They are much easier to navigate. Personally I get annoyed enough with just the blogger box stating it is explicit on some sites. Your blog just has too many things to go through to find the content. I would do away with the "purpose of this blog and content" as a sticky at the top. All the "Warning Adult Content" messages are over the top too.

It is possible that your site is being judged on its format rather than the content.

Well, I am not sure how to check stats on LiveJournal, but that shouldn't be too hard to find out.

(Note: I found out. There are three followers!)

As for navigating our blog, we're left with what LiveJournal gives us. As for the "Adult Content" picture, I thought it was cute but we can easily dispose of that. (They do ask you to confirm you are eighteen before you can see it anyway, so it is kind of redundantly redundant.)

(And I changed the picture to a cute pithy chastity one, and got rid of the sticky post)

So thanks for the help there . . .

I have looked at "Edge of Vanilla" (the picture on which displays on my screen as "Hedge of Vanilla") and "Thumper." Both interesting and I follow them. Along with a couple others at http://keyheld.blogspot.com. Quite a range of things, actually.

Was curious about how many are in a VFLR here (sort of reads like "Visual Flight Rules"). - James.
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Re: Vanilla Female-Led Relationship Thread

Postby Tom Allen » Sun Jul 29, 2012 9:31 pm

Having used several blogging platforms in the past, I strongly suggest that you move from LJ to Worpress, or even Blogger. They offer more options for creative formatting, and are more highly placedi n internet search rankings. And since you have to be a LJ member to follow (unless they subscribe to the RSS feed), it becomes an obstacle for people who don't want to sign up for yet one more service.
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Re: Vanilla Female-Led Relationship Thread

Postby Sir Chaste » Tue Jul 31, 2012 5:25 pm

Anymouse: I believe that Dsrv and I are now in an FLR, which I had even discussed with her in vague, general terms prior to our first real date. By the way, my use of a new screen name is evidence of my faith in Dsrv to make wise decisions for both of us. We had discussed that it was now time for me to separate my real, public name from our kinky lifestyle, so, like "The Artist Formerly Known as Prince," I shall henceforth be known as "Sir Chaste," a knight of the Locked Table, pledged to the loyal and faithful service of the fair "Princess D." It was Tom who performed the necessary computer work (Thank you again, Tom!), to enable me to change my name without deleting all of my previous posts. So, to answer your question, I would call us a "Mocha FLR" couple. We are certainly not vanilla, but we are not hard core either, and some of those more drastic practices scare both of us. We have attended several kink events together, and we are both active members of our local community group, but the really severe stuff "may be a nice place to visit, but we wouldn't want to live there!" I therefore believe that a wide range of FLR's is possible, from vanilla to "chocolate," and that it is up to each couple to determine where they best fit in and feel most comfortable.
Last edited by Sir Chaste on Thu Aug 02, 2012 5:22 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Vanilla Female-Led Relationship Thread

Postby Tom Allen » Tue Jul 31, 2012 7:07 pm

Dserves wrote:Anymouse, I believe that most vanillas would describe your relationship as kinky. Most vanillas I've run into think that anything other than man-on-top missionary intercourse is kinky.


:roll:

Years ago (my early 20s), friends intoduced me to a girl who kept crowing about how "kinky" she was. Turned out, her conception of kinky was having sex during the day, having some oral, and talking (marginally) dirty.

When she discovered that I often go "commando", or enjoyed bondage, and dressing up for sex, she completely freaked. :lol:

I'm sure there's a lesson here...
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Re: Vanilla Female-Led Relationship Thread

Postby celticqueens_sub » Wed Aug 01, 2012 12:36 pm

So over in the UK we have a whole bunch of expressions that men use in the bar/gym/office. So if one of the guys is saying lets get a beer after whatever event or sets up a boys night out you will hear the guys say stuff like:

I will have to ask her in doors, or
Need to check with HQ that I can get a pass out for the weekend/night
It depends on what the boss says

you get the picture right? So.... is this coz they all live in vanilla FLR's? I suspect that there is a lot more FLR out there but it is just not seen as such in the context in which we (CQ and I) use it and others on here use it. Perhaps it is one of convenience?
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Re: Vanilla Female-Led Relationship Thread

Postby finallyhappy » Wed Aug 01, 2012 1:09 pm

Interesting example. Could be FLR but could also be a common courtesy extended from one partner to another partner regardless of gender.
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Re: Vanilla Female-Led Relationship Thread

Postby Whizbang » Wed Aug 01, 2012 2:53 pm

Tom Allen wrote:dressing up for sex


"It's after six. What am I, a farmer?"
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Re: Vanilla Female-Led Relationship Thread

Postby Sir Chaste » Wed Aug 01, 2012 3:55 pm

Dsrv: I will always follow you anywhere! (I have to! You're holding my key!)
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