Jumpstarting Communication.............

[cb6000s]

Sarah Jameson offers this as one way to jumpstart communication.

"So, one way to do this is to write out your male chastity
fantasy as you’d like it to unfold in your own life and then share
it with your partner by saying something like:
“Hey, my friend Joe just emailed me this really hot story...
what do you think? Something about it really struck a
chord in me... how about you?”.

She suggests that you write it out in the third person so it isn't "i would like you to do this." but instead "Jane approached Mark while lubing her strap-on and said "Bend Over Boyfriend."" or whatever your fantasy is.

[David]

From what I read of Wishful's other posts, he and his wife are communicating, but that she doesn't fully understand or take to his wish to wear a device. He is certainly aware of the need to communicate, and that has been the theme of many of his posts. So that was my starting point in making a suggestion specifically regarding the device issue. I'm not an advocate of communicating by telepathy!

Sorry to refer to you in the third person, Wishful. Are you around to speak for yourself and to confirm or correct my interpretaion of where you are with this?

[justplaying]

I would second Dev's advice about Sarah Jameson's 12 part Guide. I didn't sign up for it until after we already had the "awkward" conversation. Then when the Guide was emailed to me, one part every day or so, I would read it and pass it on for my wife to read. Since our goal was to improve our intimacy while also improving our sex life, it was a good fit. As far as the honor system vs. wearing a device well that's a whole other discussion.

She didn't want to have anything to do with putting it on or dealing with anything but the lock. That of course, is fine with me. Actually I prefer it that way. I told her that I have no self control and that I needed her support to help me. Of course she wanted to help me, so it all worked out fine.

It's been about 3 months and we are still working on having more fun with the Key Holders control of my orgasm....she finds that totally baffling right now. Mostly because she isn't that interested in sex. But she is interested in being seen as sexy by me (which she most definitely is), so the teasing part is absolutely working. For me the device is a constant physical reminder that my penis is under her control whether or not she is actively making that point or not.

I also agree that you can't make a big deal of it. She even said, can you stop talking so much about the damn device. (Must be a guy thing). So, I never say more than a few minutes worth about the device or even chastity play. I did buy her the Key Holders Guide, but she hasn't had time to read it yet.

I find that being patient works best.... Good Luck!

[klick]

I just want to say, follow your instinct.
We are all so different. My wife was very enthusiastic. Like "Yes, yes, yes! Why didn't you say that five years ago?" However, when it comes to other less kinky discussions about our relation I compare her with the Berlin wall sometimes. Complete silence. How can one know for sure how people we think we know react? Some want a direct approach and others need time to open their mind maybe.

[Shane67]

I too remember Atone's post and I agree, you can't expect her to be a mind reader! However, like David, my sense was that they are communicating, but not effectively. This sounded a lot like the situation I was in with Lucy. I had a ton of things that I "wanted" and the very act of negotiation made it seemed like a big deal to her. Actually just putting chastity into practice, even if it was one-sided at first, made me reset my expectations to something much more manageable. Also, if your relationship is already fairly healthy, it will be impossible to avoid discussing why you're no longer coming in bed, so I'm not at all advocating the silent approach.

[Celtic Queen]

It might also be a case of your wife having to take time to chew over it all. The gender divide is a massive chasm at times to communicate across about sexual stuff and on some points,the understanding will only ever be -at best - an intellectual grasp of what the hell the other party is on about.

I'd also say that I can understand the device being the stumbling block if it is a CB6000. They look hideous, unhygenic and tacky. They look like some kind of medical correctional device - not remotely sexy. If that is the problem then stop focusing on it. Use the honour system until she's happier and -judge when - introduce her to the wacky world of devices later as / if appropriate.

[Sally]

Bez raised the subject of chastity with me by saying it was something he would like to do he gave me a number of reasons why he wanted to wear a device. Whilst in the first intance I was surprised I did go on a couple of web-sites to see that such devices existed and then agreed to give it a go strating slowly at first.I would recommend you purchase Lucy Fairbournes - Male Chastity A guide for Keyholders and the following website deals with the subject in a lighthearted way www.angelfire.com/id2/Hawaii/MaleCh.html. Also let her look at this site. Good Luck

[Atone]

They look like some kind of medical correctional device - not remotely sexy. If that is the problem then stop focusing on it.

This is so true. My wife really didn't want to see me in the CB-3000. She was fine with the concept though so I just kept covered whenever possible. I didn't think she would like the metal device either but she actually likes it, at least a little. Now I only have to keep covered because of the kids. So really very little has changed seeing the are around all the time, or could be at any instant.

-A

[Dev]

I am sure Tom Allen will jump in here any minute and tell us that some people prefer polycarbonate devices and why are we dissing them all the time but as everyone here knows, the CB-6000s wasn't my taste, either.

D

[Atone]

Whilst in the first intance I was surprised I did go on a couple of web-sites to see that such devices existed and then agreed to give it a go strating slowly at first.

When we started I just suggested one night (after my wife told me she was going to make me wait until the next night) that I was thinking about getting a male chastity device. She said 'OK' and went to sleep. The next day we went and got the CB-3000. I asked her recently if she had any idea what I was talking about that night. She didn't have a clue. This is just one of the many things that I love about my wife.

-A