And Not A Word Was Spoken

[michaelnmelissa]

While MC is unique to each couple it is amazing how many men on here often feel they could have written each others posts - especially when it comes to their wife not being more involved.

When we started six weeks ago Melissa was an enthusiastic participant. She even liked to talk about it with me. Then, I screwed up. I ended up pressuring her for attention (like the old days) until we ended up in a huge fight. Now, here's where the flip side of improved communication came in. Melissa had earlier opened up with me and told me about some thoughts and feelings she'd had early in our marriage. She said it was because she was so relaxed with me due to MC. Well, during the argument I threw those things back at her. Now, two weeks later, she is still hurt because things had been so good for us and I had used her words against her and so...she is still on board with MC but is waiting (nervous) to see if I revert back again.

Of course, I apologized. And for the last two weeks I've been trying to show her that, while I may have been an ass then, I really want to change and MC is helping me do that. We've even made love since then and have had one T&D session so I know we're both still in this.

It is me who must bring up the subject right now and I know how it can be discouraging to be the only one wanting to talk about it. However, there is progress. Yesterday afternoon she asked me - out of the blue - when my sizing rings would arrive. That led to a discussion of how they work and how long it would be before the JB arrives. That was unexpected and fun for me.

A little bit later in the afternoon we were both resting on our bed when she asked me to use my fingers on her. I was surprised and excited. So I ended up sitting cross-legged between her legs while I used all my fingers to bring her to orgasm. I then kissed on her pubic hair and rested my cheek there until she got up to put her panties back on.

Now, here's the really hot part for me: she never said a word to me after it was over. She left the bedroom for a few minutes and when she came back in she started flipping through her catalogs. I lay there getting more and more turned on by her doing what I'd encouraged her to do: take her pleasure without guilt and without worrying about reciprocation. She came and I didn't. She didn't even mention anything to me. Not a word was spoken. It was hot.

Later she did tell me she was a bit nervous. She was waiting for me to get upset and to pressure her for something. But I didn't. I won't, I told her. It was enough for me to know that she felt good and enjoyed herself.

So, we're having the same challenges, but we're seeing them through slowly.

Michael

[Celtic Queen]

Michael,

I had a think about this post and we have been through similar "cycles" where a row has resulted in emotional withdrawal like this. It really hurts both sides because- as you say -in order to make MC work, you do have to significantly open up which makes you both feel vulnerable. I'd also say that adopting this lifestyle does mean leaving comfort zones. I have accused my hub of messing me about and not taking it seriously after he reverted to some behaviours that I hoped had disappeared. That led me to feel let down and - this is going to sound a little odd - exposed and foolish. It sounds like your wife may be going through similar emotions and you are going to have to patiently reassure her. In order for me to be my husband's Domme, it takes some ego, confidence and suppression of natural female reticence in demanding selfish attention and pleasure. The reward is NOT simply sexual attention -that's guy-thinking. It's a better, more attentive, less bratty husband.

Sounds like you are getting back on track to me but dont forget to do your best to understand how she feels. Women simply aren't accustomed to selfishly taking sexual pleasure -that's a big step for her and you need now to reassure her through your actions that she is safe, loved and valued.

[thumper]

I have accused my hub of messing me about and not taking it seriously after he reverted to some behaviours that I hoped had disappeared. That led me to feel let down and - this is going to sound a little odd - exposed and foolish. It sounds like your wife may be going through similar emotions and you are going to have to patiently reassure her. In order for me to be my husband's Domme, it takes some ego, confidence and suppression of natural female reticence in demanding selfish attention and pleasure. The reward is NOT simply sexual attention -that's guy-thinking. It's a better, more attentive, less bratty husband.

There is significant wisdom in those words.

[jnuts]

You really should start a blog.

[Shane67]

While MC is unique to each couple it is amazing how many men on here often feel they could have written each others posts

Sometimes it feels like Lucy and I are following a script -- I'm constantly saying "Hey, that's us!"

I believe Lucy's exact words were, "I was just starting to trust you again." That fight cut us to the core, because she HAD made herself so vulnerable. I never want to hurt her like that again.

[davidphd1866]

Michael,

Wow! I didn't realize it, but you just described what is the hottest aspect of male chastity for me. When I pleasure my wife with my fingers she will simply roll over and fall asleep after she climaxes. At most she will utter a polite "thanks Honey", but oftentimes she'll just let out a gasp of air and roll over. I am left aroused with my boyish penis straining against the CB and 5 to 10 minutes of thinking.....orgasms are for her....orgasms are for her.....

Good post. Thanks for it.

David

[Celtic Queen]

You really should start a blog.

Thanks jnuts. It's imminent actually, hub and I are just getting the format right as it's a joint blog. Sadly, the blog that I had started on Chastity Mansion is no more but I did save some of it locally.

[michaelnmelissa]

Good insight CQ - thanks! And glad to have a place to come and talk about these things. Y'all are encouraging to me.

[celticqueens_sub]

Later she did tell me she was a bit nervous. She was waiting for me to get upset and to pressure her for something. But I didn't. I won't, I told her. It was enough for me to know that she felt good and enjoyed herself.

So, we're having the same challenges, but we're seeing them through slowly.

Michael

Communication is the absolute key ( ha ha pun intended) and it would seem that you both have a really good grasp of that. There is a sort of infinite circle of points going on. CQ and I had this issue recently. I love it when she uses me for her pleasure sexual or otherwise and she knows I love it too, being used. However she feels, as you described about your wife, a bit guilty.... So her pleasure may well be diminished which diminishes my enjoyment of being used...and you get this spiral of diminishing returns. (I promise not to use the word diminish, or derivatives off it anymore, it just diminishes the point!, sorry just couldn't help it, I feel a beating coming on for crap English). Anyway, back to the point. At some stage the spiral needs to stop and either one of you can do that.

If she feels the need to care for you and needs to 'protect' your feelings, then as her servant/sub/equal whatever you see yourself as, you must allow her that freedom but I do believe there is a need for the KH/Domme to understand, as you have said, how unbelievably hot it is to be used like that, Jeez, I absolutely love it too. CQ now understands this intellectually, but even after a year she has little wobbles and needs reassurance that it is the right path, but she is learning to be more selfish. Potentially this is where your wife needs to go to? This is her part in breaking the spiral.

Your part is to allow her to NOT be that selfish sometimes, in other words you become more selfLESS and accept that she needs to be reassured. It can get very circular and if you are too polite it is like two gentleman holding the door open, after you, no no no, after you, no I insist , no no, really after you... And nobody goes through the door. What needs to happen is someone goes ahh.. Fuck it and steps through. Problem solved. Sounds like she 'stepped' through when she used you to orgasm and left you to it and you 'stepped' through when you didn't pressure her for something in return? You now have the potential for the upward spiral.....

CQ likes to orgasm, not because she wants one for the sake of it, but because she knows It turns me on to give her that pleasure, which turns her on and makes her want to orgasm and I want her to take it from me which in turn, turns me on, which turns her on.....and so now I feel we are on the upward spiral and it is emotionally very rewarding for us both and really reinforces our bond. I am so in love with her and vice versa that it is beyond literary description, at least for a man of my limited word smithery!

It seems to me that you guys are intelligent, communicative, loving and are having fun? Rock on!

[Celtic Queen]

CQ likes to orgasm, not because she wants one for the sake of it, but because she knows It turns me on to give her that pleasure, which turns her on and makes her want to orgasm and I want her to take it from me which in turn, turns me on, which turns her on.

Actually,I rather like to orgasm sometimes just because I can