What's Been The Biggest Surprise?

Living the real life under lock and key
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James
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Re: What's Been The Biggest Surprise?

Post by James »

Dev wrote:James, is she willing to read anything about MC? Or has she, eg, Sarah's book, various blogs? Just curious...

D
Dev,
I started off by introducing my wife to Sarah's Chastity Guide. She skimmed over it, but didn't really read through it. Then I bought Sarah's excellent book and it has also gone unread. I have a whole folder of related web sites and blogs in "favorites", but still no interest.
I make attempts at discussing various aspects of MC when the time seems appropriate, but again mostly in vane. Although I do get discouraged from time to time, I remain optimistic. If I take an objective look at how far we've come in the last year (its really hard to look at this objectively you know), we have made some progress. Recently there have been a couple of attempts at T/D. She is becoming slightly more interested in keeping me locked up. She has mentioned my possible release date more than once this week.
So, all is not lost. At this rate we may have a really exciting life in chastity by the time I'm 70. See, that's my problem. I introduced this so late in our relationship that we just don't have the luxury of letting it take its course over the next 10 or 20 years. This is pretty much the last opportunity for this to work out. That leaves me impatient and perhaps with unrealistic expectations.
I should try to do as Thumper suggests and work at bringing my fantasies more in line with Karen's reality. None of this is easy, but I would never want to go back. And then, I'm always the optimist.
J
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wishful4
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Re: What's Been The Biggest Surprise?

Post by wishful4 »

James wrote:Its a relief to discover that I'm not the only one on this roller coaster of emotions. Since introducing MC to my wife Karen almost a year ago I've remained the eternal optimist. Hoping that at some point she would finally embrace MC. Still, she is at best a reluctant Keyholder. The most frustrating thing for me to accept is her unwillingness to communicate regarding anything sexual. In an otherwise healthy, happy relationship, sex is the one thing that is not open to discussion. So, I cherish every bit of attention she pays me and continue to hope she will some day take more of an interest in MC.
James
James, I'm amazed that your post fits my situation exactly. It's almost as if I wrote it myself. However, I am optimistic that things will change in time. There seem to be so many real life things competing for our time. If I try to bring the subject up, she tends to become somewhat defensive, at times. I have made some mistakes in the past introducing her to MC, but she warmed up to it and ran with it. Now we are in a cool spell, but I am hopeful that things will pick up. The main thing I hope to work on is the communication. That may be the key to the whole thing.
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justplaying
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Re: What's Been The Biggest Surprise?

Post by justplaying »

There have been so many surprises:
1. I actually don't have to have an orgasm every day.
2. Wearing a CD and having my wife holding my key is exciting to me.
3. I am definitely more attuned to her needs (both emotional and physical, not just the physical).
4. I find myself craving my wife's attention. I do little things around the house to gain her approval /notice.
5. We now talk about sex. What we like, what we don't... We even are trying things we never dared to try (well she never dared--I'm crazy I will do anything as long as it doesn't cause permanent harm).
6. I find myself curling up to her in the middle of the night and gently rubbing her back.
7. She now want's me to curl up to her since she knows that I am not looking for any action, just affection.
8. We kiss passionately now, like sex crazed teens. I forgot how great just making out could be.
9. She checks that I am "locked in" every morning before work and it makes me feel good (I have no idea why).
10. One time I got her to wear my key on her necklace while visiting her mother and doing the shopping.
11. When we go out together (anywhere), we act like we have a secret just between us and it's fun.
12. We hold hands more often.
13. I keep my temper in check better than before (but still not perfect).
14. I am discovering that I have always been submissive sexually and didn't even know it!
15. She has discovered the fun side of Victoria's Secret (she actually bought a garter belt and stockings)

What I would like is for her to take it up a notch with respect to control. I recently bought her Lucy's book on Male Chastity: A guide for key holders and hope that gives her some ideas.

Bottom line is that we take it day by day and MC does seem to create an environment that leads to more open communication on all topics and leads to more affection and intimacy than we ever expected. And that is after only three months of trying it out...Re-wiring? Yes, I think that is an excellent way to phrase it. Both she and I are thinking about each other, our relationship both sexual and not, in new ways. It is really fun and I hope it continues.
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Celtic Queen
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Re: What's Been The Biggest Surprise?

Post by Celtic Queen »

James,

I dont know where to start with your post really so I haven't bothered to quote any of it. Re read what you have written and see how many times you have mentioned "I"or "me" in terms of bringing up male chastity -ranging from"your" folder of blogs to how you introduced chastity. Forgive my bluntness but your approach is absolutely arse about face and with each "push" you do, I imagine you are turning your wife off from the idea more and more. You don't say what age you are but I imagine that reaching 70 and still discussing it is a conservative guess.

Let me give you the female perspective to illustrate and perhaps mitigate the harshness of the above statement. When an unwitting woman is dragged towards male chastity, her first reaction probably ranges somewhere on the spectrum between sighing amusement of yet another male kink to cynical resentment of just another burden in the marriage (ie your orgasm control). Eternal optimism is insufficient to get a chaste lifestyle underway - just like a labrador endlessly bringing you a stick isn't going to make the game any more enticing for you to throw it for him. The forums are chock full of guys who are permanently puzzled, disappointed and often resentful that their wives have either reluctantly taken the key then promptly hidden / lost it or reacted with mild disgust when the subject is raised and avoided all further dialogue.

Depressing huh? It doesnt have to be.

Thumper is absolutely spot on with his last post-easily the most succinct view I've read so far from the guys perspective

As I was saying on Jnuts blog, as a guy in this dynamic you end up needed to rechannel your distinctly male sexuality through female circuits. Specifically, the female you've handed control over to


If your wife is reluctant to discuss sexual matters - and that in itself is a problem that perhaps needs some gentle consideration - then bringing up male chastity will just be re enforcing her reluctance. Stop discussing it in sexual terms and you may get some progress. What does your wife want from you? What made her fall in love with you? What makes her blush, giggle, feel young? Be the man she fell in love with and court her. Those are her female "circuits" and no amount of book buying and blog reading is going to change that. You may be optimistic, but you also strike me as impatient. MC will NOT occur at your speed and just to set your expectations, if you do succeed,it will be to her design rather than yours.
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mikecb
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Re: What's Been The Biggest Surprise?

Post by mikecb »

Celtic Queen wrote: If your wife is reluctant to discuss sexual matters - and that in itself is a problem that perhaps needs some gentle consideration - then bringing up male chastity will just be re enforcing her reluctance. Stop discussing it in sexual terms and you may get some progress. What does your wife want from you? What made her fall in love with you? What makes her blush, giggle, feel young? Be the man she fell in love with and court her. Those are her female "circuits" and no amount of book buying and blog reading is going to change that. You may be optimistic, but you also strike me as impatient. MC will NOT occur at your speed and just to set your expectations, if you do succeed,it will be to her design rather than yours.
CQ,

I hear you with this advice, but as someone in a situation similar to James, my expectation would be that it won't work.

My wife is reluctant to talk about sex, and has essentially no libido. I basically DO follow your advice. I try to be affectionate, attend to her needs, and behave pretty much the same way I did when we first dated. The result: A sexless marriage. She doesn't bring up sex. It's never, ever, on her mind. In her ideal world, it would never be on MY mind. So far as I can tell, she believes it was a necessary evil when she was younger, and now that she's reaching menopause, is something that she can toss on the shelf and say "Great, finally done with all of THAT!" She doesn't "get" why I don't feel the same way.

I fear for those of us into chastity play in this kind of situation, the answer is that it's just not going to happen. Unlike James, I don't remain optimistic. I've given up the notion that my wife will ever be interested. I have to find ways to scratch the itch in other ways.

mikecb
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Celtic Queen
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Re: What's Been The Biggest Surprise?

Post by Celtic Queen »

Mike,

I'm so sorry about that, that must be shit for you and actually, I have absolutely no empathy with your wife here (unusually for me). To assume that a functioning and breathing male has given up interest in sex is at best naiive and at worst destructive and it is testament to your love that you have offered up male chastity as a way to take the pressure off instead of scratching that itch in unacceptable ways. That said, I do stand by my earlier comments that the dragging the horse to water approach is only going to excaerbate an issue that actually often hides deeper problems. It does sadden me when menopausal women seem to give up on sex - I'm not there yet but time marches on and all that and although my previously rather robust sex drive has taken a battering due to pregnancy, childbirth and baby demands, sex is still a physical expression of love for my hub. When I'm not up to it - and there have been times - the fact that I have told him to go and please himself has meant that I accept he has needs and my control is one of those needs as much as orgasm is.
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wishful4
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Re: What's Been The Biggest Surprise?

Post by wishful4 »

Celtic Queen,

Your posts are always so refreshing and enlightening. We are generally a bit selfish and it can tend to be all about "me". Thank you for keeping us honest and expressing, so succinctly, the female point of view. Your observations are invaluable to this and other forums. Thank you so much!
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klick
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Re: What's Been The Biggest Surprise?

Post by klick »

We have been married for 11 years. First half was with, not bad sexlife, but more and more boring. 5-6 years ago I made a joke to my wife that my cock was hers. That was a moment of big change! Soon we tried chastity. We have had a lot of ups and downs on the way, of course. But the periods locked in chastity has become longer. I can't see how we could go back now? She definately does not hesitate to see that I am locked and denied while she gets her pleasure when she wants. She truly loves it.
Me? Horny and frustrated... and still in love. I think it saved our relation.
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Atone
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Re: What's Been The Biggest Surprise?

Post by Atone »

klick wrote:But the periods locked in chastity has become longer.

Me? Horny and frustrated... and still in love.
Welcome to the forum klick.

It is good to hear that you are still in love.

As your periods in chastity got longer was it gradual (and still increasing) or did you find kind of an ideal period for your relationship?

-A
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klick
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Re: What's Been The Biggest Surprise?

Post by klick »

Atone wrote:Welcome to the forum klick.

It is good to hear that you are still in love.

As your periods in chastity got longer was it gradual (and still increasing) or did you find kind of an ideal period for your relationship?

-A
Thank you. I have been following the forum for some time.

For your question, it has been gradual and increasing. We have had periods without chastity but during the years my wife has seen more and more benefits i guess. She has never set any release dates. In the beginning I think she thought it was unfair if I didn't get an orgasm a week at least. Now she doesn't really care? No, she do care. She likes to tease a lot. I can´t answer the question of "ideal period". To be true I would like to know how long time it will be but she never answer that question. (I don't know if it is better to know or not?)

The Biggest Surprise is that what started as a kinky joke has 5-6 years later turned into a lifestyle.
Who could have known?
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