Tantric Sex (Chastity like "control" over male orgasm?)

[Jimi123]

An interesting post that I got from Dr. Laura Berman's Passion Files

*Doesn't this sound a LOT like what couples are doing with Male Chastity???

- Jimi123

Welcome to today's edition of the Passion Files, an e-mail newsletter from America's leading expert in female sexual health.

The Joy of Tantric Sex
Sometimes, you just want sex to last longer. The average woman needs 20 to 30 minutes of sexual activity to reach orgasm; the average man, five to ten minutes. Getting tantric can help you close the gap when in search of satisfaction.

Tantric sex (sometimes called sexual yoga) maintains that our sexual energy is a powerhouse, full of potential for deepening intimacy and sensuality. While women are assumed to be multiorgasmic and capable of continued sexual activity after orgasm, men lose their sexual energy after ejaculation. (You're thinking, yeah, tell me about it.)

Pure tantric sex is about learning to keep the energy stoking for a better connection, and it can do wonders for your sex life. That means delaying ejaculation: The tantric orgasm is meant to be "lived" instead of released. In plain English, the idea is for him to hold out as long as possible and — if you're lucky — deliver you to one or more orgasms in the process.

To start, do some soul-gazing. Stare into each other's eyes, pay attention to each other's breathing, and get in sync. When you begin touching sexually, focus on the sensations of the moment. Maintain a slower rhythm of movement, or sometimes no movement. All the while, you and your partner should be tuned into your connection with each other — physically, emotionally, and especially spiritually. He should pull back when he feels the imminent urge to climax.

Then, when the moment feels right and the stars have aligned, he can let himself go. Trust me — he'll thank you for the wait.

[Dev]

*Doesn't this sound a LOT like what couples are doing with Male Chastity???

Yes, but it still ends with the guy having an orgasm.

I get it, Jimi. For you, the game is not over until that happens. That's fine but some of us are discovering that the game can go on and on and on...

Do you know anything about lacrosse? It's generally accepted that the game was played by Native American tribes all over North America, long before the Europeans arrived on the scene. A game could be played for many days and might range over hundreds of miles. Hundreds of people might be involved. It wasn't ten players, a 100 meter field and 4 timed quarters. I am not sure the Indians even kept score or if they had a concept of "winner." It was much more spiritual.

Chastity can be a little like that, I think...

[Jimi123]

"ends" humm... I guess so. However I've done things after I climaxed and in fact for a while we had "men first" to calm things down and enjoyed that. I think the details of Tantric is about total control over male orgasm and being able to "climax" without ejaculation etc.

Anyway, I really DO understand what you guys are saying but no one can explain to me what makes it different from the 100% male orgasm 0% female orgasm relationship? So many couples practice that (Which I find just as awful) and the women claim to be happy?

[thumper]

Well, WTF do I know about female orgasms except how to make them happen, but one BIG difference is men are plumbed to constantly be creating ejaculate and are wired to want to get rid of it as often as possible. Women don't have the same physiological drivers men do, so I don't think the two things can be compared. There ARE women chastity enthusiasts, but I'm guessing the motivations and outcomes are very, very different for them. It seems as though the two crowds hardly ever mix online.

[Tom Allen]

Well, WTF do I know about female orgasms except how to make them happen,

My blog tagline is:
I don't have multiple orgasms, myself. I am, however, a carrier.

There ARE women chastity enthusiasts, but I'm guessing the motivations and outcomes are very, very different for them. It seems as though the two crowds hardly ever mix online.

I've noticed that, too. I would say that *most* of the female OD I've seen happens within the context of a BDSM type of relationship (and I'm sure some of you will jump in with a few notable exceptions), but from what I can understand, it's really not that much different. Essentially, these women are excited by the constant state of arousal, and bringing their partner to orgasm while they are denied simply serves to cause new spikes of arousal.

Really, it's no different from what Mrs. Edge and I do.

[Jimi123]

Well Jim I have to admit I admire you. You are a giver and thats a rare thing!

Ahh! A light is going off over my head. Chastity. The locking up stuff can be a tool. It can also be a kink. It can be metal or mental or plastic. But the part I think that is making the light bulb light for me is that in itself it can be used for many more reasons then I thought.

When I first came here I thought "Ahh! People who are more vanilla (if thats possible)" and then within this group there are still sub groups of which even I don't fit.

I first stumbled on this concept when I was Google-ing strap on sex wondering about couples that used this. And in particular men wearing it. I found very little of that and a lot of folks who were saying "What kind of twisted weirdo are you? Don't you know its MEANT for pegging men???" ha! Not that there is anything wrong with that. But... Now, I find a great reason for Male Chastity but its sort of like the same thing. "don't you know its for long term male orgasm DENIAL???" / "Cuckolding???" / "Feminization?"

- Jimi

[Shane67]

Anyway, I really DO understand what you guys are saying but no one can explain to me what makes it different from the 100% male orgasm 0% female orgasm relationship?

I sense this is an Outside Context Problem, but on a personal level, for you Jimi.

The difference is that with prolonged OD, some men reach an altered state. And this altered state, like all the good ones, is rather wonderful for both the man and his partner. If you for whatever reason cannot touch upon this altered state, this slightly skewed way of relating to the world around you, then you might not have the frame of reference to understand what I am saying.

Sorry about the gobbledygook -- Atone would just say that MC is hot, period.

[Celtic Queen]

I've always thought that chastity and tantric sex are closely linked but I think OD is perhaps a step further on and I do like the phrase "altered state" here. It is a case of it being incomprehensible until you try it ( for both genders). My hub's response to regular edging is so counter intuitive in a culture that has spawned such negative terms like "cock tease" that I was totally dumbfounded - and so was he. We're so used to the race to the finish line, the tangible prize that OD is - for the non practicers- quite shocking. You only have to read the fury and vehemence on the vanilla forums when it's brought up so see that. You just can't intellectualise it, it's completely counter cultural to us and I guess it probably DOES figure in tantric practices but at a significantly more advanced level otherwise entry level newbies would be put off from even trying it!

[Jimi123]

I've always thought that chastity and tantric sex are closely linked but I think OD is perhaps a step further on and I do like the phrase "altered state" here. It is a case of it being incomprehensible until you try it ( for both genders). My hub's response to regular edging is so counter intuitive in a culture that has spawned such negative terms like "cock tease" that I was totally dumbfounded - and so was he. We're so used to the race to the finish line, the tangible prize that OD is - for the non practicers- quite shocking. You only have to read the fury and vehemence on the vanilla forums when it's brought up so see that. You just can't intellectualise it, it's completely counter cultural to us and I guess it probably DOES figure in tantric practices but at a significantly more advanced level otherwise entry level newbies would be put off from even trying it!

I've done some study on Tantric and played around with it but... Male multiple orgasms, kegels etc aside it wasn't all that great. Neither of us is really into marathon sessions. Orgasm? Well when you come down to it the feeling is great and when people say things like "this is better then sex" my thought is "your crazy!"

Ok, I'll totally admit that I've pondered how this might be as simple as you don't know what you don't know. And I don't really know. I think we do know we have a problem. I think we also know this might be of great value (The basics have been) but... I also know this might not be for me. I think so many of the blogs (With a few exceptions) talk about men who crave this and want it. I come into this (And my wife as well) looking for the relationship benefits #1 and not so much what we see as the baggage or "day to day cleaning / issues / "the work"

I know how lame this sounds to those that are keen on the whole package or are focused on how well it helps them with side things like FLR or Sub/Dom relationships...

Man! am I boring or what?!

[Dev]

I like the outside context problem analogy, Shane. I hadn't heard of that book. Thanks for the link.

I agree about altered state or to use the term I coined, chastity nirvana. It definitely exists. We're there now but it was a bit of a struggle to get back here after the release a few weeks ago. It's been an interesting experience.

For those who might not be familiar with my model, you can read about it here: http://devotedlvr.wordpress.com/2010/10 ... tity-dlmc/

D