[Tullyboy] Acknowledging reality
Posted: Fri Nov 03, 2017 9:42 am
As I mentioned in my “Hello, World!” post, my/our entry into chastity has begun as an acknowledgement of reality. My wife holds the sexual power.
From the beginning, I’ve been the typical over-sexed male. Early on I struggled with a porn habit and while that’s largely something that I avoid now, there are times when I slip back into that pattern for a day or two. One thing that habit does is ignite my already scorching libido. In comparison to my wife, who is content with sex every few weeks, I get grumpy after a day or two. And if I just watched porn, I carry over lots of fantasies that my wife wasn’t there to escalate into. While I’m half way around the track she’s still at the start line wondering when the gun went off.
As I’ve read other’s stories in these forums, I can see that I’m not alone in that. We tend to leave our wives behind as we pursue our orgasms. And so I have become the beggar at her door hoping that she’ll feed me, while she’s thinking, didn’t I just feed you yesterday?
Fortunately, I have a loving wife who really does care about my sexuality and needs. She often summons the energy (that she doesn’t have) to give me the sex that I’ve felt I need. Even as she gives me this gift, however, I know that I’m still the beggar and we’re not making love because she wants it. Sometimes it feels like mastrubation, only I’m getting to use a live human. Still, I know that she’s doing it because she loves me.
And now, after 30 years of knowing each other’s bodies, we have the additional hurdle of, well, knowing each other’s bodies. Not a lot of new and interesting things to discover at this point. She and I have some lines that we won’t cross so many of the “new and exciting” strategies that others have found don’t work for us. Still, I love being kinky where we can and over the years we’ve tried a number of fun things. But since Tullygirl is usually still at the starting line, the games tend to take the all too familiar pattern of the wife wondering where THAT came from.
And so here we are at chastity and she’s wondering “Where did THAT come from.”
I suppose like many others here, the “I want it now” strong woman is at the heart of my desires. In real life Tullygirl is a strong woman. She commands others and knows what she wants and how to get it. I find it terribly attractive and I’m hoping that she might command me that way. To want me that way and take it.
In addition, I realized that most of my sexual fantasies have been selfish. Oh, they might please her in some way, but the end has always really been my satisfaction. So as I was day-dreaming about what we could add to our marriage to increase intimacy, I consciously switched from “what can I get her to do” to “what can I do”. There’s probably still some selfishness since I benefit from increased intimacy, but I decided that I’m not going to try to make her do something, I’ll be the guinea pig. And if she’s not quite on-board, then maybe I’m trying it for me so that I can become a better person.
So last week I wrote Tullygirl a letter talking about what I was thinking. I included a link to a couple that are blogging about the same thing so that she could hear the gun go off and move off the starting line.
It’s funny how similar we all are. As I’ve done my research, the first question that I’ve seen time and again from the wife is “why”. I’m sure that you’ve seen it too. So we lay in bed that night talking through the why. In the end she said, “Ok. I don’t really understand, but ok.”
And so here we are. She has always been the one that has the commodity and I’ve always been the one buying. She controls supply and is the source of the demand. Quite the monopoly she’s got there.
And I love it. And I love her. And it’s time that we simply acknowledge reality.
From the beginning, I’ve been the typical over-sexed male. Early on I struggled with a porn habit and while that’s largely something that I avoid now, there are times when I slip back into that pattern for a day or two. One thing that habit does is ignite my already scorching libido. In comparison to my wife, who is content with sex every few weeks, I get grumpy after a day or two. And if I just watched porn, I carry over lots of fantasies that my wife wasn’t there to escalate into. While I’m half way around the track she’s still at the start line wondering when the gun went off.
As I’ve read other’s stories in these forums, I can see that I’m not alone in that. We tend to leave our wives behind as we pursue our orgasms. And so I have become the beggar at her door hoping that she’ll feed me, while she’s thinking, didn’t I just feed you yesterday?
Fortunately, I have a loving wife who really does care about my sexuality and needs. She often summons the energy (that she doesn’t have) to give me the sex that I’ve felt I need. Even as she gives me this gift, however, I know that I’m still the beggar and we’re not making love because she wants it. Sometimes it feels like mastrubation, only I’m getting to use a live human. Still, I know that she’s doing it because she loves me.
And now, after 30 years of knowing each other’s bodies, we have the additional hurdle of, well, knowing each other’s bodies. Not a lot of new and interesting things to discover at this point. She and I have some lines that we won’t cross so many of the “new and exciting” strategies that others have found don’t work for us. Still, I love being kinky where we can and over the years we’ve tried a number of fun things. But since Tullygirl is usually still at the starting line, the games tend to take the all too familiar pattern of the wife wondering where THAT came from.
And so here we are at chastity and she’s wondering “Where did THAT come from.”
I suppose like many others here, the “I want it now” strong woman is at the heart of my desires. In real life Tullygirl is a strong woman. She commands others and knows what she wants and how to get it. I find it terribly attractive and I’m hoping that she might command me that way. To want me that way and take it.
In addition, I realized that most of my sexual fantasies have been selfish. Oh, they might please her in some way, but the end has always really been my satisfaction. So as I was day-dreaming about what we could add to our marriage to increase intimacy, I consciously switched from “what can I get her to do” to “what can I do”. There’s probably still some selfishness since I benefit from increased intimacy, but I decided that I’m not going to try to make her do something, I’ll be the guinea pig. And if she’s not quite on-board, then maybe I’m trying it for me so that I can become a better person.
So last week I wrote Tullygirl a letter talking about what I was thinking. I included a link to a couple that are blogging about the same thing so that she could hear the gun go off and move off the starting line.
It’s funny how similar we all are. As I’ve done my research, the first question that I’ve seen time and again from the wife is “why”. I’m sure that you’ve seen it too. So we lay in bed that night talking through the why. In the end she said, “Ok. I don’t really understand, but ok.”
And so here we are. She has always been the one that has the commodity and I’ve always been the one buying. She controls supply and is the source of the demand. Quite the monopoly she’s got there.
And I love it. And I love her. And it’s time that we simply acknowledge reality.