[Tullyboy] Acknowledging reality

[happilylockedman]

Tullyboy,

Thanks for this last post. Absolutely, expectations are the enemy of intimacy. Expectations kill spontaneity.

And my chastity device helps remind me of this.

[Tullyboy]

I’m glad that it struck a chord with you, HappilyLockedMan; thanks for letting me know. I’ve been amazed by how chastity has actually increased my patience and reduced my frustration. It seems to spill over into other areas of life as well. Tullygirl and I have been chaste in the past so I knew that there would be benefits but the CD really puts an emphasis on the change.

Being new to devices and the complete swap of power, I’ll be interested to see how things change as the months role on. For now the changes have been really positive, I think.

[Tullyboy]

In the Bible, Galatians 5 verse 1 says, “For it is for Freedom that Christ has set us free.” As we sang a song about this in church this morning, my mind couldn’t help making the parallels that exist in my sex life right now. Another verse says that it is through living as a servant that we will be free. Of course, the Bible is referring to our souls, but also includes our relationships with others. So if my relationship with my wife reflects that same servanthood, the potential is there for a wonderfully freeing experience. The concept that being a servant somehow sets us free seems lost on many folks, but I suspect that those of us in the chastity culture can better appreciate that than many.

By submitting myself to my wife’s desire, I am free to freely enjoy her. Having just talked about expectations, I won’t belabor that again, but being free of those expectations and in submission to my wife’s needs clears out so many of the obstacles that have tended to divide us.

I neither “Christian” nor “husband” perfectly. I’m a broken Christian. I’m a broken husband. But with help I’m getting better at both. And my soul experiences freedom.

Last night I also experienced literal freedom.

All day yesterday my lovely wife was silent on matters of sex. Even up to the moment that it happened I wasn’t sure whether I would be cageless or not. I did notice that, as we were playing Exploding Kittens with the kids, she kept looking at the time. That told me that she had SOMETHING planned. And in a true role reversal, she was kicking the kids out of the bedroom as we were getting ready for bed.

When the coast was clear and the door was locked, she ordered me, “Pants down.”

I obeyed and she produced the key. Freedom.

But then came a knock at the door. One of the kids. Then a few minutes later, another. And then a few minutes later the first came back. We couldn’t help but laugh. The last time, my wife said somewhat loudly, “GO. A. WAY.” As lovingly as possible.

Tullygirl is on her period so I laid down a waterproof throw on top of our sheets. “There, now we don’t need to worry about any mess.” And I asked if I could take off her underwear. During this time of month, the rabbit is our friend and Tullygirl loves her’s. After some wonderful kissing and cuddling and teasing, I helped our rabbit find the rabbit hole (wow, that’s cheesy, but it’s so perfect that I’m going to leave it). With the kids around, she squelched her normal noise, but it was a thourough and delightful orgasm.

I had made one request before we started. “Can we go slow? Otherwise, I won’t last long.” She was agreeable. So, as we began to make love I had to quickly pull out. “I wonder how many times you can do that?” she dared.

The answer is 3.

After, I was allowed to savor my freedom all night - until this morning when I was asked to put on my new smaller cage. It appears to be a great fit and I’m sure that it will get even better as I get used to it. I shaved off 1/2” in length and the base ring is 1/8” smaller. Fits like the glove of a one fingered man.

[Tullyboy]

I think that perhaps Tullygirl and I have reversed roles. In truth, our life together is a giant role reversal, but that’s a story for another time. This particular instance has to do with post orgasm let-down. I don’t seem to be experiencing it but I think that she is. One thing that I know about my wife is that she can’t maintain passion for too long. She can muster it in spurts but it takes so much energy that she needs to recover. So I suspect that between this past week of teasing, her period, and our play time, she is needing a rest. That’s what it felt like yesterday, anyway.

She was cordial but not affectionate. We spent time together, but she was careful and introspective. We even went to a fun concert, but there wasn’t much chemistry between us. I was still glowing from the night before and hoping to share that warmth. But my kisses were received by ice cold lips and it felt like something had snuffed out her desire in the night.

Sigh.

This is one thing that drew me to chastity to begin with. I was having difficulty timing my affection to her’s. I’m glad that I have the warm blanket of my CD to remind me that I’m here for her pleasure when she’s ready. I suspect that this lonely start will continue for a few days. But I’ll be here waiting when she thaws.

[cuyahoga]

This happens in my relationship all the time...
It’s especially noticeable if I don’t have an orgasm and she does. My affection and desire for intimacy are pushed through the roof, and she’s almost cold.

I have learned...
Patience. She will come back around.
Chores. Do some of hers. She’ll probably show her appreciation.
Kids. Keep her away from them (as much as possible). For some reason, biology and evolution made it so that when she gives or gets affection to or from the children, it releases hormones in her brain to make you less important to her. In addition, dealing with them saps her emotional reserves.
Touch. When you touch her, it releases hormones in her brain to help bring her back around. Keep it affectionate without being sexual. Do not grab her butt when you hug her.
Patience (yes, twice). She probably doesn’t realize, and if you point it out, she might feel guilt, which is severely counterproductive to your goal.

((Love following your journey. You’re doing great! Keep it up!))

[Tullyboy]

Yes, I think the myth that women increase libido through orgasm and men lose it through orgasm is only true for those that it's true. Earlier in our marriage I read this myth thinking, "All I have to do is get her to cum once a day for a month and then she'll be a sex machine!" Fat chance. She begins to get tired and resentful after a few days of "forced" orgasms.

As for your list, cuyahoga (Peruvian for drown guinea pig?), if anything in recent years has forced me to face my impatience, it's chastity. I'll see what I can do. I think that I can manage all of them except for not touching her rear end. It's just really nice.

Speaking of kids, one thing that I have really been working on these last few years is having their "issues" figured out before she gets home. That way she can just enjoy them without having to solve problems. I've been mostly successful. I'm still working on getting my daughter to ask me to go shopping rather than her mother since Tullygirl really does not like shopping.

And on guilt: I agree. I don't want that. She does have access to read my journal, but I don't think that she's interested so I'm safe there... or at least when she does get around to reading it, the moment will be past. Experience tells me that you're right and that she'll come around. I had asked her in a few different ways whether I had upset her yesterday and she was surprised that I had asked. So I think that my diagnosis of "depleted sexual energy" is probably correct.

p.s. hopefully it doesn't sound disingenuous, but I have also enjoyed your journal. There are so many here with such similar (and sometimes surprisingly different) stories that I learn much.

[Tullyboy]

Lest anyone get the wrong idea, I would expect Tullygirl to have low days. Yesterday’s post wasn’t at all intended to say that she shouldn’t be having one (or three, or ten). What I was trying to say was that my high day wasn’t matching with her low day and by being locked I have agreed to sacrifice my high day for her. That’s what the sigh was for. It feels good (even as it feels bad) to do something nice for her. Even before being locked, that was truly my duty. The metal around my penis just helps codify and enforce it

Yesterday I sensed a bit of a warming trend. We enjoyed cuddles and a backrub for me while she read Mistress Ivey. I mentioned to her that I don’t expect (or want) her to become Mistress Ivey. Many of the things in the book are just beyond our interests and some even lay outside our moral code. So at times there was laughter. Sometimes there was shock (mild...we’re not exactly Spring chickens). But maybe she got a few ideas. The chapters were on humiliation and anal - neither of which are a passion for her.

While I’m genuinely seeking Tullygirl’s interests, I think that it’d be fair to say that I’m also hoping to find areas of pleasure for me within her parameters. We’ll see what she comes up with as we finish out the book.

One trend that I’m noticing so far is that once I’m locked, she likes to keep me that way. There’s not a lot of in and out unless there’s a reason to unlock. For example, I don’t think that she has had me unlock just to be edged and then locked me right back up. (But if I’m already unlocked for something, she tends to take advantage of that.)

I suspect that this will mean that edging and ruined orgasms will be infrequent. The arm chair psychoanalyst in me thinks that if she was too exhausted for sex before chastity, why would she want to spend even more time playing with my penis. I think that teasing needs to be easier than sex, or there’s really no point to me being locked. She doesn’t get a sexual charge from denying me so the easier thing would be to lay there and let me make love to her.

Which brings me to the topic of “Sex as Masturbation” and another one of my reasons for chastity. Perhaps I’ll expound on that another time.

[Tullyboy]

The smaller cage is beginning to feel nice. It seemed a bit small at first with some edema below the corona, but that has subsided and now the head just looses contact with the front if I pull forward on the cage. Looks like it will be a perfect fit. And did I mention that Tullygirl likes to tease me about how small it is? She was reading Mistress Ivey last night and pulled out a few “humiliation” quotes about small penises. I’ve mentioned elsewhere that I could be hurt by that, but her insults were playful and cute so all’s fair.

She’s had a long day. I’ve had a long day and either have the beginning of a cold or allergies. I’m not expecting much from this evening. I will admit to fantasizing about being able to masturbate. That’d feel really good right now and wouldn’t put out Tullygirl at all. But that’s just in a fantasy world. I wouldn’t really want to anyway, I suppose.

Time for bed.

[Tullyboy]

Today Tullygirl comes up with this, “I’m sure that you’d like that off so that you can bang me any time you like.” First, I can’t remember her ever using the word “bang” in reference to sex. Secondly, it’s nice that she’s thinking about sex.

We had tried to go running today, but had to abort. The head of my penis is still a bit bulgy in the new cage so it was chaffing. We walked instead and discussed things like “banging”. After awhile I said, “Well, maybe it is time to end chastity so that I can bang you whenever I want.”

She answered, “No, I don’t think so. We’re not at the end of that road. Unless of course you’re using your safe word.”

“We don’t have a safe word,” I reminded her.

“Oh, then it’s ‘Monkey’s Uncle’,” she responded.

She’s a goof ball and I love her for it. And she doesn’t want to be done with chastity

[Tullyboy]

I made Pad Thai for dinner last night and the kitchen was a mess. We are fortunate to have teens that know how to do dishes! So, following dinner I retired to my favorite chair in the bedroom and began reading. Not long after, Tullygirl joined me and read the paper. She was lying on the bed, back propped against pillows.

“I’m lonely. Maybe I should read next to you,” I suggested.

Tullygirl patted the bed next to her. Moments later, we were both enjoying our reading together. After she finished the paper, Tullygirl snuggled into my chest as I read from my iPad.

“I love you,” she told me and her hand rested on my chest. “I found your nipple,” she said. “It’s hard.” And she began to massage. And pinch. And twist. I set the iPad down.

After some time, she pulled up my shirt and put her hand on my stomach. My mind was swirling from the attention and wondering at the possibilities. She reached out to the door and turned the lock. And then she did it. Something that hasn’t happened in years.

~ flip ~

Her thumb deftly pulled the belt end from the buckle. She unbuttoned my jeans and slid her hand across the surface of my underwear covered bulge. It was electric and intoxicating, but nothing as good as when her hand slipped under the waistband, teasing me, sliding back and forth and then grabbing a handful. She pulled rhythmically and the pressure began to build.

Unfortunately, the pressure began to build. Ouch. I was regretting the smaller cage. I couldn’t believe the bizarre mixture of pleasure and pain. More pressure. Ok... that. Alright. Yep. There. Ok, that just hurts now.

I whispered, “One way we could do this is by letting me free for a bit.”

Angry eyes. “You don’t get to suggest things.”

“Yes, ma’am. I’m sorry,” I apologized several times as contritely as I could with my testicles about to launch across the room. It really did feel great and devastating at the same time - and I didn’t want to discourage her. She continued for a bit until I said, “Phew! Gotta rest!” She assumed that I was about to cum so she rested her head again on my chest as we both watched my penis beat in time with my heart until finally it found peace and was still.

We finished with some kissing and some more ‘I love you’s’. The sound of dishes was subsiding so we joined the kids in the livingroom to open today’s advent calendar gift and hang a special ornament on the tree. A peaceful sleep followed.

—————

Epilogue.

This morning we were up early to go work out. There was no one at the gym but us so we were being a bit flirty (the security cam was probably thinking, “get a room”). It seemed like a good time to talk about last night.

“Is it ok to talk over last night’s play time?” I inquired.

“Sure.”

I won’t bore you with the dialogue, but I suggested that if we’re going to have an extended time of play, there might be some other options that are less painful for me.

“Thank you, I’ll take that into consideration,” she said commandingly and with a joyful twinkle in her eye.