[HappilyLockedMan] As My Understanding Grows

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[HappilyLockedMan] As My Understanding Grows

Postby happilylockedman » Wed Jun 07, 2017 3:16 am

I’m very new to chastity and I’m enjoying how my level of self- understanding is evolving and growing. I’ve been wearing a Holy Trainer copy 23 ½ /7 for maybe a month or so. I take it off only to clean myself in the shower and then put it back on. My wife has a key but so do I and basically I am my own key holder. Last night I realized that I had a little irritation on my penis where one corner of the tube was digging into me. So I took it off, sanded the corner down a little and decided to give myself a break over night to heal. With a free penis. For the first time in quite a while. I woke at 3 AM, horny, and here I am at 3:40 AM getting my thoughts down.

My experience of wearing the device is that it both denies me the ability to touch myself but, more importantly, reduces my desire or need for an orgasm. Here’s how I understand things now: The device helps me deal with a mis-alignment of levels of desire between my wife and I. Tonight, unlocked, I would either masturbate to relieve myself or struggle mightily and resent her for not being available to meet my needs. Either one would have the effect of pulling me away from her emotionally.
When I woke up unlocked and horny I decided to put the device back on. That wasn’t easy because I was kind of big at the moment but as soon as I did my feeling of “need” diminished. It’s not gone but it’s much easier to manage.

As I was introducing my wife to the idea of chastity she was ambivalent, seeing it as another manifestation of my kinkiness. I agree with her; it is. But it’s more. I see it now as a genuine contribution to our marriage. There isn’t a “correct” level of sexual interest within a couple. The fact that mine is higher has led in the past to tension, resentment and my withdrawing emotionally. But by using chastity I bring my level of sexual desire more onto her level. This has had the effect of removing my resentment and withdrawal and freeing me to express my love and appreciation of her.

There’s more of course. I get tremendous pleasure from pleasuring her. I love the intimacy and energy and would have my hands on her twice a day if she permitted. But she gently complained that I was wearing her out so I’ve backed off. We have to find the balance and the balance is always changing.
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Re: As My Understanding Grows

Postby locked4her55 » Wed Jun 07, 2017 7:23 am

happilylockedman wrote:she was ambivalent, seeing it as another manifestation of my kinkiness.

My wife felt the same way until she figured out this was a good thing for both of us.

happilylockedman wrote: I get tremendous pleasure from pleasuring her.

+1

happilylockedman wrote: would have my hands on her twice a day if she permitted.

Only twice? :lol:

Hope your positive journey continues.
Happily secured since 4/2010 :-)
Have worn CB3000, CB6000s & MM Jail Bird
Currently wearing MM Watchful Mistress
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Re: As My Understanding Grows

Postby Tom Allen » Wed Jun 07, 2017 8:28 am

Hey Happily - is this the beginning of a blog for you? If not, I'll move this post to a different forum.
Thanks,
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Re: [HappilyLockedMan] As My Understanding Grows

Postby happilylockedman » Fri Jun 09, 2017 7:36 am

A few days ago I wrote how I saw chastity as helping adjust a misalignment of levels of desire between me and my wife. It dampens my “need” for frequent orgasms and way increases my patience. I described this to my wife, saying that I feel it’s having a very positive effect on our relationship. I want her to be totally on board and she is, more and more. As I think about it, for me chastity isn’t about delayed gratification but about extended gratification. I really enjoy physical intimacy, petting and cuddling with my wife but after I orgasm I’m done. Last night we had a passionate encounter with me straining mightily against my device. If I had not been wearing I would have had an orgasm for sure (it’s been a long time, but who’s counting). When we were done I murmured into her ear that pleasuring her was very satisfying to me. Which it is, and I’m ready to go again. Now!
I’ve been wearing a Holy Trainer copy and taking it off every day to shower. I have one of the keys on my key ring so I haven’t by any means physically surrendered control. Emotionally yes, but not physically. I have 3(!) different metal cages on order from China. I’m hoping that one of them will feel and fit well and that I’ll be able to wear 24/7 without having to remove it for hygiene. In that case I’ll probably NOT keep a key and ask my wife to literally be in charge of my penis. This is both scary and exciting. It goes under the heading of being afraid of getting what I ask for.
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Re: [HappilyLockedMan] As My Understanding Grows

Postby happilylockedman » Sat Jun 10, 2017 5:57 pm

This morning my wife and I “frolicked” which included her removing my cage and our enjoying PIV sex for the first time in a quite a while. (and my first orgasm in the same amount of time). I’ve had some interesting thoughts and realizations around this happy experience. It’s 6:30 PM now. Ever since our frolicking, at around 10 AM, I’ve been sexually depleted. Zero interest. I realize that I miss the sexual tension that I had while in chastity. I’m an older guy and my recovery period is increasingly long so it’ll be a while until my “tanks” are refilled and I feel that delicious sense of desire. I’m now acutely aware of the trade off between short term enjoyment and the longer term for myself. Before sitting down to write this I initiated a conversation about this with my wife. This was the first time in the 42 years that we’ve been together that we had as intimate and detailed a conversation about the specifics of our sexual lives. I credit this new openness entirely to our newly evolving involvement with chastity. I asked her how our sex was for her this morning. It turns out I initiated PIV sooner than was good for her. (Duh, I was in a rush to get my rocks off). She told me that she sometimes want’s to have PIV but that when I come I’m sometimes too rough and penetrate too deeply. I wondered aloud to her if I was capable of having PIV but pulling out before I orgasm and finishing our playtime without an orgasm. Or would that drive me crazy? When my cage came off I continued to play with her body but the fact is my heart wasn’t in it as much as when I was caged. My focus had shifted to my penis.
I’m not going to try to sum up my experiences. This series of posts that I’m making seems to be evolving into a narrative of my/our evolution. I find that writing helps me to understand what I’ve been experiencing.
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Re: [HappilyLockedMan] As My Understanding Grows

Postby happilylockedman » Sun Aug 06, 2017 9:36 am

Yesterday my wife and I were driving to the NY area Renaissance Faire. I remembered something I saw there a number of years ago and I shared it with her. There was a young couple. He was in chains, she was leading him around. They were both enjoying themselves enormously. I told her that when I saw them I was envious of them because they each had a partner they could play with that way. I continued, saying that now, with our new found ability to communicate about my kinks and her willingness to either participate or at least consider participating, I didn't feel that same sense of envy. I've got my partner!

We both smiled and I drove on.

Five minutes later she said "I could get a silver chain and attach it to your cage and lead you around".
I was stunned and replied "that would be hot!"

Of course, she said, at the Faire we couldn't show your cage but the chain would go down in the front of your pants. People would figure it out. The steel cage is so Renaissance - y.

I got tight inside my cage.
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Re: [HappilyLockedMan] As My Understanding Grows

Postby happilylockedman » Thu Aug 24, 2017 12:38 pm

I started feeling neglected. She wasn't paying enough attention to me. She wasn't teasing me the right way. She didn't touch me enough. I wanted more. I felt resentful of her. I had a little irritation and took the key and unlocked myself. She wouldn't care, I told myself.

Ah, what a fool I am.

When I got home yesterday around noon she lovingly felt me down there ... "Where's the cage?" I said to her "We have to talk". I told her what I wrote above. She not so patiently reminded me that I wasn't saying anything new. I had voiced the same complaints before. She reminded me how far we / she had come. I was so happy when she agreed to go along with my chastity. I was so happy when she reached down and felt my cage. I was so happy when she agreed to wear the key. I was so happy when she addressed my insecurity by saying that she was on board for a year and that then we could revisit the question of continuing or not. But it wasn't enough. It's never enough.

As it turns out when she woke up yesterday she said to herself "I'm going to need that key today". She was ready. On her schedule. Then I came in and started complaining. Fortunately, we both have grown a lot recently (Me more than her; she was mostly already there) and we had a good conversation and then had great sex. I put my cage back on and it stayed on until she wanted it off and then it came off.

I have several take aways from this:
- If I start to feel resentful i the future I must first recognize that that is what I'm feeling
- When I'm feeling resentful I'm thinking only of myself. I'm not acknowledging that she has her own valid point of view.
- Feeling resentful in the opposite of what I want chastity to encourage in our relationship
- Her sexual needs are different from mine. She's satisfied with less. I have to accept that and be appreciative of her love for me and the different ways that she expresses =her love.
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