[Shepherdsflock] New experience in self control

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Shepherdsflock
Posts: 359
Joined: Tue Sep 15, 2015 8:38 pm

Re: [Shepherdsflock] New experience in self control

Post by Shepherdsflock »

I had an interesting experience this morning. I just got back from a week long business trip late last night. I woke up feeling frisky and started cuddling with wife, and then touching her. It took a little while, but she started playing along.

This was our first time doing anything since our official decision that chastity will be permanent for me and my penis is just for peeing now. I'm sure it was purely psychological from thinking about being chaste for the rest of my life, but I didn't get hard. I was aroused and horny, but my penis didn't really do anything.

As my wife was playing with me she noticed and seemed a little turned on by it. I guess knowing she could drive me wild with desire and I couldn't even get hard must have given her a sexual power rush.

Anyway, I actually got pretty hard later in the day with a random erection attempt by my body, so I know everything still works okay. I just think it's pretty incredible how powerful the mind and emotions are.
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Shepherdsflock
Posts: 359
Joined: Tue Sep 15, 2015 8:38 pm

Re: [Shepherdsflock] New experience in self control

Post by Shepherdsflock »

The weekend was great. It was my first two days being home since we decided on permanent chastity. Maybe it's psychological, maybe she feels sorry for me, maybe she's turned on by my chastity, or maybe she just feels more free to express herself now that I won't be pressuring her for intercourse, but for whatever reason she has been a lot more affectionate. She's not all over me like a horny teenager, but she touched and hugged me a lot more this weekend than normal.

Last night was incredible. Even my wife was sad when we finally had to stop and go to sleep, she didn't want it to end. We made love for three hours. It was slow paced, a lot touching, holding, kissing, etc. Toward the end she was getting pretty worked up and we took her to climax. She really wanted another orgasm, but it was getting late so we stopped. She told me she wanted to go in the bathroom and wash up, but she just kept cuddling with me and couldn't drag herself away from me. We cuddled for another 45 minutes or so. I was the one that finally made her get up, because I knew this morning would be busy and she wouldn't have time for a shower, so I made her get up and take care of herself.

During our lovemaking, I asked her if me being chaste was something she had wanted all along. She said yes. She had always resented my penis because it hurt so much every time we had sex, and for years had wished we didn't have to use it. She said the first time I stayed locked up during sex, she really wanted me to be like that every time. She never voiced her feelings because she knew it was an incredible sacrifice to ask of me, but said that when I proposed permanent chastity, she actually cried afterward because she was so happy I was willing to do it.

I am very happy with the direction this going.
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Shepherdsflock
Posts: 359
Joined: Tue Sep 15, 2015 8:38 pm

Re: [Shepherdsflock] New experience in self control

Post by Shepherdsflock »

Things have been up and down since my last post. The decision to make my chastity permanent has been good for us, but not easy at times.

About a week after we made the decision, I had something I can only describe as a mild panic attack. I've never had a panic attack, so I'm just guessing that what I experienced was somewhat like one. I got really worked up emotionally thinking about never having an orgasm or erection again. I fought with my wife a little about it. We don't have a D/s relationship, but if we did it definitely would have been described as topping from the bottom in a major way.

I'm glad to say that I'm over that little episode, at least for now. My wife did a pretty good job through it all. She understands that it will be a big change for me and making a sacrifice like this for our marriage is something she really appreciates and is committed to making work.

Besides my little episode, things are going well now. She really seems to love the idea of my permanent chastity. She's WAY more affectionate now. She has started to cuddle and touch and play with me in bed without any initiation from me. Maybe part of it is due to my panic attack, she might be realizing that she needs to keep me engaged. But I also suspect that she gets some kind of pleasure knowing that she can get me excited and there's nothing I can do about it. I think it's kind of entertaining for her.

I'm trying to just take it one day at a time. Some days are great. We made love for three hours last night (that has never happened before). Some days are tough. The surprising thing is that I think she's more committed to permanent chastity than I am. She really wants this bad. It seems to mean more to her than it does to me. There is one sense in which it's a bonding experience for us. We don't really have anything else that we do together as a couple. We don't have hobbies or anything. We're so busy just raising our kids and trying to keep the household going. Keeping me chaste is the first thing in our marriage that we are both putting effort into together simply because we want to. Raising the kids and taking care of the house and all the other things have kind of been forced on us in a sense. They're just mandatory parts of life. We have to do those things whether we enjoy them or not. Chastity is a choice we made together and we work toward it together because it improves our relationship.
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Shepherdsflock
Posts: 359
Joined: Tue Sep 15, 2015 8:38 pm

Re: [Shepherdsflock] New experience in self control

Post by Shepherdsflock »

I've been away on a business trip all week and will be home tomorrow. I've had some time to reflect on where we are and how we got here.

I remember, it was like the second or third time we made love with me in chastity, and my wife started making comments about it. Then another time she said she liked it a lot better when I stayed chaste. And after that she started making comments during sex that she wished every time could be that way.

I didn't give it a lot of thought, I just thought it was one of those goofy things you say in the heat of a passionate moment that you wouldn't really be serious about in ordinary circumstances. But after seeing how much more loving and affectionate my wife has been since we made the decision for permanent chastity, I think she really wanted this from the start.

I just kind of wish she could have come out and told me sooner. I wish we would have gotten serious about it sooner, and avoided all the months of trial and error.

Oh well, I'm just glad things turned out so well. I've never felt so loved by my wife. She really appreciates my commitment to permanent chastity, and she lets me know it.
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Shepherdsflock
Posts: 359
Joined: Tue Sep 15, 2015 8:38 pm

Re: [Shepherdsflock] New experience in self control

Post by Shepherdsflock »

The last couple of days have been interesting. I came home from my usual weekly business travels Friday afternoon (I typically travel 4 days per week). I hadn't slept well this week, and hadn't slept at all the night before because car alarms kept going off across from my hotel room all night long. So, Friday night I was pretty tired and wasn't really planning on any sexual activity. I got home and found my wife was pretty tired, too. So, I was okay with no sex.

But as we were heading to bed, my started telling me that she didn't think I should be kept locked up permanently. This is the same wife who wanted it three weeks before. I argued with her a little. I wasn't mad that she thought I should have an orgasm once in a while, but I wanted her to make a decision and stick with it.

The duration of my chastity is still unresolved. But, last night, I came into the bedroom and she was wearing a nightie I bought her a while back. She never dresses sexy for me unless I ask her to. I knew she was up to something, but I didn't know what.

She asked me if I wanted to play (play is our word for sex). I couldn't conceal my enthusiasm, and got in the bed with her. I asked her if, after her comments the night before, was she going to let me out to play. She said she didn't know, we would just have to wait and see.

We have developed a routine where I set a timer on my phone so we don't stay up all night playing. We've stayed up way too late many times and the next day is a mess. So, I set the timer and we started playing around.

The same wife who the night before had been feeling guilty about keeping me locked up proceeded to tease me more than she ever had before. She even had me thrust my cage against her vagina, which she knows drives me nuts with frustration. It's a very humiliating feeling to know you rub against it but not feel it or penetrate it. The grin on her face let me know she was having a good time. She was really enjoying it.

She touched me in all the right places and really got me going. I thought for sure that she would let me out to finish off with intercourse. Time went on and the timer went off. She started cuddling with me, kissed me, and said goodnight. She went to sleep holding my cage and balls in her hands (something she started doing a couple of months ago). I was pretty surprised, I thought for sure she would unlock me.

I told her this morning that I enjoyed our time last night and asked if she enjoyed it. She smiled a mischievous grin and said, "Of course, I didn't let you do anything". I'm assuming that was a reference to intercourse.

So, I'm not really sure where our chastity journey is going. Three weeks ago we were both sure that permanent chastity was the answer. She had some doubts about it Friday, but when given a chance to unlock me on Saturday, she not only kept me locked but she teased more than usual and seemed to really enjoy knowing I was locked up.
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NoloMeTangere
Posts: 60
Joined: Thu Apr 14, 2016 2:38 pm

Re: [Shepherdsflock] New experience in self control

Post by NoloMeTangere »

Hi Shpherdsflock,

I just joined the forum, and wanted to say that the relationship you're building with your wife is inspirational. I hope you continue to post. The only difference between what you have built and my ideal is that I couldn't live without eating the V, but everyone is different.

Thank you for sharing.
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Shepherdsflock
Posts: 359
Joined: Tue Sep 15, 2015 8:38 pm

Re: [Shepherdsflock] New experience in self control

Post by Shepherdsflock »

Last night was interesting. We were doing our usual thing, with me locked up. My wife was about to climax and asked if I wanted to unlock for intercourse. I couldn't resist and eagerly went to get the key (which I had on the top shelf of the medicine cabinet in the bathroom). I grabbed some towels and Kleenex (my wife is a clean freak, she doesn't like any mess on the sheets). I was starting to lose my erection a little bit by the time I got back in the room.

She asked me to play with her clit some more. I did that for probably 10 minutes or so. In that time I went totally limp and didn't even notice it. She told me to go ahead and get inside of her. The strange thing was I still felt excited and felt like I had and erection, but when I went to enter her I was totally soft. I kept thrusting for a few seconds and my wife started climaxing. She whispered in my ear that I wasn't able to get in. She was obviously very aroused by my desperation to enter her and inability to penetrate even a little bit.

I kept at it, and slowly I started getting hard. Just as I was getting hard enough to get the head of my penis in, I started having an orgasm and it was all over for me. I never got more than my tip in. Then it was time to lock back up.

Although she seemed to enjoy my helpless situation, I have a feeling that we will be having more conversations about permanent chastity.
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Shepherdsflock
Posts: 359
Joined: Tue Sep 15, 2015 8:38 pm

Re: [Shepherdsflock] New experience in self control

Post by Shepherdsflock »

As I suspected, we talked more about permanent chastity. She said that after I unlocked, she had me play with her clit for 10 minutes because she just doesn't get as aroused when I'm unlocked.

So, she told me that chastity should be a part of our life permanently, but she is open to the idea that she may occasionally feel like letting me out for intercourse. But, she thinks we should wait about 6 months before considering a release.
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Shepherdsflock
Posts: 359
Joined: Tue Sep 15, 2015 8:38 pm

Re: [Shepherdsflock] New experience in self control

Post by Shepherdsflock »

I haven't written much about it, but my wife is pregnant. She has been suffering from bad varicose veins with this pregnancy. She visited the OB today and she prescribed some compression hose and told her that she has had a lot pregnancies in rapid succession (this is #5 in 7.5 years). She said her body is just wore out and she might have serious health issues if she gets pregnant again soon after this one.

We don't use birth control, and I don't think we will. But I do expect that my wife's motivation to keep me chaste is going to get stronger. She has already hinted that its the only form of birth control she feels comfortable with. We'll see what happens. I'll be home from my business trip tomorrow and I imagine we're going to talk about it.
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Shepherdsflock
Posts: 359
Joined: Tue Sep 15, 2015 8:38 pm

Re: [Shepherdsflock] New experience in self control

Post by Shepherdsflock »

We talked surprisingly very little about the pregnancy related issues and chastity. She just said that she thinks I shouldn't be unlocked until at a couple of months after the baby comes (due date Iis late July). So, that would put me around October. I have never gone more than 2 months of straight lockup with no release. This should stretch my comfort zone by miles.

We did have incredible sex last night, though. Even my wife, who for the last month or so has been very disinterested in sex, had a great time.

One thing that I think helped was that we discussed chastity and her pregnancy issues beforehand. I had suggested that since sex has become even more painful than usual, we should just keep me locked until after the baby comes. She thought that was a good idea. But I told her that since it will be a long time for me before I get to have intercourse again, I need her to focus on making chastity as fun for both of us as possible.

Well, last night she did. We both had an amazing time.
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