[Shepherdsflock] New experience in self control

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Shepherdsflock
Posts: 359
Joined: Tue Sep 15, 2015 8:38 pm

Re: [Shepherdsflock] New experience in self control

Post by Shepherdsflock »

Today she told me that October would be too soon. She wants me locked until at least November. Our anniversary is on November 1st, so I'm wondering if she's targeting our anniversary to let me have an erection and orgasm as a gift. But I'm wondering if after making me stay locked for 6 months she will start expecting me to keep a 6 month lock up schedule, or maybe even extend it to a year and only allow erections and orgasms on our anniversary. I'll just have to wait and see. The wait between now and November is going to be a long one. After my most recent experience where I couldn't even get hard enough to penetrate her after two months, I'm hoping I don't forfeit my chance at my 6 month orgasm because of impotence. That would suck.
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cycling2work
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Re: [Shepherdsflock] New experience in self control

Post by cycling2work »

Congratulations to becoming a father. I reread your journey and wanted to congratulate you. Your woman can be very proud and happy to be with you.
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rrecoveing Masturbation & Porn addict
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Shepherdsflock
Posts: 359
Joined: Tue Sep 15, 2015 8:38 pm

Re: [Shepherdsflock] New experience in self control

Post by Shepherdsflock »

cycling2work wrote:Congratulations to becoming a father. I reread your journey and wanted to congratulate you. Your woman can be very proud and happy to be with you.
Thanks. It's not our first, though. This will be #5.
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NoloMeTangere
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Joined: Thu Apr 14, 2016 2:38 pm

Re: [Shepherdsflock] New experience in self control

Post by NoloMeTangere »

Congratulations on your upcoming baby. You and your wife will be very happy together with your chastity serving as birth control after this baby.

"Today she told me that October would be too soon. She wants me locked until at least November. Our anniversary is on November 1st, so I'm wondering if she's targeting our anniversary to let me have an erection and orgasm as a gift. But I'm wondering if after making me stay locked for 6 months she will start expecting me to keep a 6 month lock up schedule, or maybe even extend it to a year and only allow erections and orgasms on our anniversary."
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NoloMeTangere
Posts: 60
Joined: Thu Apr 14, 2016 2:38 pm

Re: [Shepherdsflock] New experience in self control

Post by NoloMeTangere »

I was thinking about what you said about how your wife orgasmed as you tried desperately, but fruitlessly, to enter her. You seem to be right, your inability to enter her must be a fantastic turn-on for her. How do you feel about her reacting so positively to that idea?

Personally, I think it's very hot. It means she is really coming to love your chastity, and hopefully she'll expand that idea and keep you chaste not only as sexual turn-on for her, and a way to protect herself from injury and infection, but also to prevent unwanted pregnancies. ;)
Shepherdsflock wrote:The wait between now and November is going to be a long one. After my most recent experience where I couldn't even get hard enough to penetrate her after two months, I'm hoping I don't forfeit my chance at my 6 month orgasm because of impotence. That would suck.
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Shepherdsflock
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Joined: Tue Sep 15, 2015 8:38 pm

Re: [Shepherdsflock] New experience in self control

Post by Shepherdsflock »

I've been super busy traveling for work and doing some home improvement projects in the little bit of time I have been home. Haven't been on here in about a month.

With everything going on, I had a period where I was feeling neglected by my wife and fell off the bandwagon in a big way. About a month ago I got upset and just kind of had the attitude, "why bother with this, she doesn't care". So I took my cage off and went back to masturbating.

I knew it was wrong, but I felt abandoned and hurt and started doing what I knew I shouldn't do.

My wife knew none of this, except she knew I wasn't wearing my cage. I dodged her questions about it, making excuses about travelling inconvenience or hot weather discomfort. In other words, I lied to her.

Last week, I came home from a trip and she treated me better sexually than she ever has in our whole marriage. She initiated sex, was really loving and affectionate, and I felt like a total loser for betraying her.

At this point I need to mention that my wife and I are Christians. We take our faith seriously and do our best to resolve conflicts biblically.

I was very ashamed of myself for breaking my wife's trust breaking my commitment to remain chaste for her. I spent a great deal of time praying about it and found the answer I needed in 1 Corinthians 7:3-4.

The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

The first and last sentences really hit me hard. Up until now, I have had a very easy time asserting that I have authority to make sexual demands of my wife and she has an obligation to satisfy my needs. But I never REALLY took seriously that she has the same authority over me sexually to demand or deny certain things, I have an obligation to meet her needs even if it comes at a cost to me.

When I came back from my weekly business traveling last night, I had a long talk with her where I confessed what I had been doing and my conviction that I needed to take more seriously the authority she is supposed to have over me in our sexual relationship.

The gist of it was that I came to understand that even in our previous chastity play I had still viewed my penis and the use of it as mine. I viewed chastity as something I did to serve her, but didn't view it as surrendering control of my body to her.

The conclusion of it all was that we both re committed to my chastity, with the understanding that I have fully surrendered the use of my penis to her. It is not mine for my own pleasure, it is hers for her pleasure. I still have my authority as her husband to rightfully demand sexual intimacy, but she as my wife has the right to dictate how I get to use my body in our sexual intimacy. If she doesn't feel like using my penis (which she almost never does), I have zero right to be upset or disappointed because it's not really mine. If I demand sexual intimacy, and she obliges by offering me cuddling or some touching and kissing, but no penis action, I need to be happy and content with that.

We also discussed the need for her to be less passive and more assertive about her needs and desires. She agreed to not cave in to feelings of guilt in keeping me caged if all she wants is cuddling or kissing. She committed to making more of an effort to set the tone of our sexual intimacy when I initiate sex. She was actually pretty eager to agree to that.

My wife and I both felt like we crossed a major milestone in our sexual relationship last night. We have a renewed commitment to keeping me chaste except for the rare occasions she wants to use my penis, and I have a renewed commitment to surrendering my body to her authority.

It may not sound all that different from the chastity we were practicing, but mentally and emotionally it is very different for me. In the past I would willingly stay chaste, but all the while hoping she would let me have an orgasm or wondering how long it would be until she let me have an orgasm. Now, I really don't view it that way. It's no longer my concern when or if I get an orgasm. That is my wife's concern. I am obligated to meet her sexual needs in whatever form she needs, and even if she never feels like using my penis again, I I have zero right to orgasms or even erections.
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Shepherdsflock
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Re: [Shepherdsflock] New experience in self control

Post by Shepherdsflock »

Maybe a simpler way to summarize all of that is that I had been viewing my chastity as me giving up something to please her. I finally came to the realization that my penis and orgasms were never intended to be mine to give up or hold onto. They are intended to be hers to enjoy in whatever manner she desires. If she receives more joy and pleasure from leaving me locked up, then that is what I must submit to and be happy that I am pleasing my wife and am still able to enjoy her greatly in ways that don't involve my penis or orgasms.

This was the line we crossed last night, and my wife is very happy about it. She confessed that she resented our one-way sex life that had always been about me and what I wanted. She was very happy to learn that I finally wanted to surrender the use of my penis exclusively to her, even if it means we almost never use it. The smile on her face was beautiful.
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crated51
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Re: [Shepherdsflock] New experience in self control

Post by crated51 »

Please forgive me for intruding in you journal entry, but KUDOS & well spoken!
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It's not happy people that are thankful, it's thankful people that are happy.
Shepherdsflock
Posts: 359
Joined: Tue Sep 15, 2015 8:38 pm

Re: [Shepherdsflock] New experience in self control

Post by Shepherdsflock »

crated51 wrote:Please forgive me for intruding in you journal entry, but KUDOS & well spoken!
No problem at all. One of the reasons I share our experiences on here is to help and inspire others. I don't mind if others comment.
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Shepherdsflock
Posts: 359
Joined: Tue Sep 15, 2015 8:38 pm

Re: [Shepherdsflock] New experience in self control

Post by Shepherdsflock »

Things have been very nice for the two of us since our discussion the other night. Knowing that she has total authority over my penis has given my wife a huge boost in confidence. She has always been reluctant to touch or kiss me just for fun, because she always knows it will make me want intercourse and that if she gets me going I always make a bee line for PIV.

Now that she knows I'm committed to letting her make all decisions regarding how my penis does or does not get used, she is being extraordinarily affectionate. She has been touching and kissing me frequently. It's amazing how in just a couple of days she is like a completely different woman. And now that I've been locked up for a few days and I'm getting into that zone where I ache just to touch her, she seems happy to receive my advances.

She was touching and kissing me this morning as we were getting breakfast ready before the kids got up, and she told she she feels really cherished by me for the first time in our marriage. She also said that feeling cherished by me has made her feel a level of respect for me that she never had before.

This new transition in our relationship is turning out to be wonderful. I really wish I could have come to this realization years ago. She loves knowing that I have surrendered that part of my body and life to her, and I love the way she is treating me. And hearing her tell me that she felt cherished for the first time in our marriage nearly brought tears to my eyes. I can only guess how much anguish she has felt over the years hoping and wishing to feel cherished by me. Better late than never I guess, but it does make me wish we could have reached this milestone a long time ago.
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