[newbie] Starting again

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newbie
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Joined: Mon Jul 22, 2013 6:44 am
Location: Upstate NY

[newbie] Starting again

Post by newbie »

Hi, it's been a long time since I've posted anything here. I think the last time might have been when I was preparing to tell my wife about my deep desire to introduce male chastity into our marriage. For a little bit of background, I discovered male chastity somewhat by accident quite a long time ago. I didn't know that these chastity devices even existed, but when I saw them on the internet I know it was something I wanted to experience. I bought a CB6000s and loved it. I wore it on an off for quite some time but always in secret, I never told anyone. This got old after a while, and I became paranoid that my wife would find out by accident and that would cause issues for both of us. So I got rid of it and tried to forget the whole thing. As it turns out I couldn't forget about it, so months later I bought a Holy Trainer V2 short and fell in love with it. It felt so good. I wore it for a while and then made the decision to tell my wife because it was obvious the this was something that I couldn't just let go. I tried to find the perfect time to tell her, but as everyone here knows, there is no perfect time, so I just came out with it one evening and showed her the device. She was a little shocked but kind of blew it off as just something weird I was into. Because she wasn't disgusted by it, I soon started pusing things...too much too soon as it turned out, and she became angry and disgusted by it. I let it go, and then sent her an email trying to explain everything to her while she was out of town on business. To her credit, she read the entire letter and then we had a talk when she got home. When we talked, she let me know that she had no interest in being a keyholder which in her mind was me easking her to be some sort of dominatrix. That, and the fact that she found the device to be a turn-off showed me that this wasn't going to happen. Let me just say that after I had showed her the device she had taken the initiative to give me a small pink draw string bag to put these parts in, and she herself had put all the parts in the bag to make it less obvious in the nightstand drawer, all with out me knowing, so I knew there was maybe a little something there in that she didn't throw them in the garbage but instead took some care with them. Anyway, after our talk the device went back in the pink bag and I left it there. As you can imagine, after a while (months) I started wearing it again. I did this for a while and finally realized that this isn't something that would just go away. One evening I just came out with the fact that the device that was there in the little pink bag was something that I really wanted to start using again...or somethign to that effect. She responded with some disinterest and said something like "ok, whatever". I think that had alot to do with me not asking her to hold the key or anything, and I told her it wouldn't require any involvement on her part at all. I think that helped. Regardless, I have been wearing it to bed now ever since and she has been ok with that. I've tried not to push things so before bed I take the bag out of the nightstand and put the device on in the bathroom, then return the bag to the nightstand in full view of her...just to make sure she realizes that I am wearing it at that time. We have been closer in bed than we have in a long time it seems, with more cuddling and holding each other to fall asleep and in the morning. The first few nights I was careful not to touch her too much with the device, but since then I have been less worried about that and have almost gone to the point of putting myself in situations where she might bump into it, like this morning while we were laying there she would reposition herself and rub into the device or hit it with a part of her body. I have to believe she felt it as she was awake at the time. She has been very loving as always, so I see this as a good sign. I'm going to see where this goes, but will remember "baby steps" and take it slow. One thing I want to mention is that she will be traveling for work on Feb 6th for a few days, so I am considering maybe giving her one of the keys to take with her, and see how she reacts. I don't want to push it so we'll see when the time comes. I will update this entry as things progress. Thanks for reading.
0 x
Last orgasm: October 20, 2016. Masturbated while locked. :(

Last PIV: been a while

Device used: CB6000s, Holy Trainer V2 (part time) Black Short and Clear Standard.
Currently locked part time in a Clear Holy Trainer V2 Standard, 40mm ring.
Len51
Posts: 297
Joined: Fri Dec 05, 2014 2:04 pm

Re: Starting again - very long reply

Post by Len51 »

If I may make a suggestion since my wife went from reluctance to fully embracing my chastity in a few months last year. It seems that your focus is on the device and not chastity and the ceasing of masturbation, teasing and denial that goes with it. The device should only be a means to an end and you sound like you have not established the goals that the device would help you and your wife attain.

I wrote my wife a nice email explaining that my masturbation was out of control and the reason why I was having problems performing when she wanted spontaneous sex right after I had masturbated a few times already. I think that many women underestimate how much men masturbate. I know that my wife was shocked. She is not against masturbation because she does it but she does it if we do not have sex for two or more weeks. I was doing it 5 times a day, most days. So masturbation control was the first goal we cooperated on accomplishing. We view chastity as a cooperative endeavor and not something the Keyholder is solely responsible for enforcing. Less work for the wife that way too.

We started with the honor system but I told my wife that the temptation was too great at times and showed her the CB6000s online. I told her that it would put a barrier between me and my penis and although not 100% fool proof, it was enough of a deterrent to give me time to think it over. She told me to order it and when I got it I put it on and showed her. I also handed her the keys. I sent her some URL's to visit but there was just too much information there. I started to except the main things and emailed them to her. That worked out much better. Eventually I bought her a few ebooks which she read and I am now paying the price for. :)

So there was the education phase that came after buying the device. Over the next few months I explained how horny being locked up made me and yet it was enjoyable. I explained it as having her hand encasing my penis all the time. I just kept letting her know how good being locked in chastity felt. I then asked her to just edge me the next few times we had sex. My obvious display of pleasure while she edged me made her laugh with joy. She even told me that it made her feel powerful and in charge of our sex life for the first time. She quickly fell in love with teasing and denying me. So we had a second reason to lock me in chastity.

Along the way you have to deal with your wife feeling guilty for denying you. It is my experience that a good many women want to see their men ejaculate. It is very visible proof that they are sexy enough to make that happen. Sort of validation. So this is another educational moment. I would tell my wife that I felt depressed after an orgasm and the edging when I was denied orgasm for a few weeks felt much better than 5-10 seconds of pleasure. I also addressed my wife's concern about my balls turning blue and exploding. :) Some women still believe the old blue ball BS that we men used to get them to let us cum while dating. :)

So with the guilt and concern addressed, I next started to show her some other benefits that were just for her. I started to volunteer to take over some of her household chores, offer her foot and body massages and generally make her feel like she did when we were dating. She started to dress more provocatively because I always showed her how excited she made me when she did so. I will admit to some acting at first because I wanted her to see how orgasm denial was affecting me. I did not lie but rather increased my show of excitement to a higher level than my usual low keyed one.

All through this time we would communicate by email mostly with some face to face talking. I let her know how much I liked her teasing and not letting me cum. I drew her attention to how she did not like the way I got for a few days after my orgasm and asked her if she would not rather avoid that with my full cooperation. We started to work as a team to ensure that I did not have an orgasm. I never try to cheat. Whether locked or not, getting along great of in the middle of an argument, I remained chaste.

As more time went by we established a routine. I would shower and shave immediately before sex even if I had done so an hour ago. It felt like getting ready for a date with a new girlfriend and not knowing if I was going to get lucky that night or not. My heart would actually beat faster and my excitement would grow. One thing you should do from the beginning is to thank your wife each time she denies you and let her know that yes means no when it comes to you asking to cum. I let my wife know that begging to cum was part of the excitement. One more step I took is to establish a safe word. If I did not use it my wife could feel certain that I was not in distress and approved of what she was doing. If I used my safe word than we stepped out of our chastity game and discussed any problems either of had. At the beginning it I only used it a few times to let her know that I needed an orgasm due to panic attacks, high level of stress or that sex was distracting me from work and all other areas of life.

Over a few more months I adjusted to chastity. We did trial and error to determine how long my denial should be to our mutual comfort level. I also no longer would wake up in a panic feeling like I would never have an orgasm again. I got used to it as did my wife. Then we wanted to see how long we could go. When we reached 6 weeks with no distress on my part and still thanking her for not letting me cum, we decided to make it our lifestyle. Along the way my wife asked for full control. There was some topping from the bottom during her education and introduction stage. We played the same games some do to determine the length of my chastity to make her feel less guilty about it but after a while she did not like losing the control to a dice game so we stopped all chastity games of chance and just left it to her to decide with the knowledge that I was OK with going a full year if that is what she wanted and kept saying she wanted. :)

There were some times when my wife felt confused about all the rules we made, discarded, changed or added. At the very beginning they may have been useful but since chastity is a journey that changes all the time, it gets very confusing when you have rules. I sat down with my wife and we worked out a way that keyholding would not be a chore for her. Remember that for us, we are constantly reminded of our chastity. Our wives are not so they can easily just put it out of their mind until the next time we have sex. I had to stop annoying her about sex and talking about chastity all the time. We also tossed out all the rules except one: my wife makes all the rules, can change them, add them or discard them, without prior notice or discussion. I put myself in her hands knowing that she knew me very well and could tell if I was suffering any mental or physical distress due to my extended chastity. Plus there was always the safe word that let her know that we needed to stop and discuss something.

A few other issues popped up that we addressed as needed like the chore of her constantly checking to make sure I was locked up 24/7. So she made a rule that the norm was to be locked up and only could be unlocked by her. As I said, we view this as a cooperative thing so if she tells me to be locked up all the time, I am locked up all the time and she no longer has to check. From my end, I explained that I needed some sort of acknowledgement of my chastity each day so that I did not feel like I was locked and forgotten about. I told her that it did not have to be anything time consuming. Just asking me how her penis was doing once a day or just running her hand over my cage, would do. She became more aware that I was living chastity 24/7 when she only got involved during sex time.

At the end of 12 months I was comfortable with 6 weeks of chastity and felt I could go much longer if and only if, it gave my wife pleasure. She said that it did so we committed to it as a lifestyle although that does not properly describe it. One more thing. Do not scare your wife with talk about dominating you outside of chastity play. Too many guys seem to equate chastity with D/s, BDSM and even cuckolding. Throw all that stuff at your sweet loving wife and she will recoil in horror as my wife did. You do not change a person's nature overnight. A submissive wife is not going to turn into a dominatrix overnight. She may never do that but it still can work like it does for us. My wife lets me lead our marriage as usual but we have always considered the needs of each other before we made any major decisions. Heck, we are always trying to please each other even down to the level of what we watch together on TV. We love each other. I am too alpha to do more than play at being submissive and my wife too beta to want to dominate me for real. Once in a while she will tell me to get her a cup of coffee, clean up after her or give her a foot massage but that is not every day and certainly not when I am tired from work or not feeling well. She made it clear that she did not want a submissive husband. Playing at it during sex was OK but not so much out of the bedroom.

Well, there you have it, a full guidebook that I hope helps you out. Having recently gone from zero to looking at a year of orgasm denial, I thought that I would share my journey with you and provide you some tips and tricks. It took us a year to both get comfortable with chastity. Too many want instant results because they think that all women would jump at the opportunity to not have to bother to make their men cum. One other thing I just thought of, do not hand your wife that BS about it all being for her. That it will turn you into a better husband and all that crap. You should be a better husband without her having to use your orgasm as a weapon. My orgasms are not tied into my behavior. They are not a reward for good behavior although bad behavior right before my wife was planing to let me cum, would make her defer it. We do not use chastity as currency to get what we want. It is a joint journey to explore how longer term chastity affects our sex life and marriage.

I have an added advantage to most here. My wife is bisexual and not a big penis fan. She loves sex with me but does not like to be penetrated. Our sex life has been mostly as a Poly Triad with her best girlfriend. My wife's idea of great sex is a FFM threesome. Most of our marriage has been limited to oral and manual sex so my penis is not needed by her but she loves me and feels sexy when she makes me cum. Now she has learned that she can still feel sexy by just getting me hard all the time with no orgasm needed.

I have not yet previewed this post because I am afraid it is way too long to hold the attention of most used to bite size posts. Maybe I can make it a book. Anyway, I hope some of my experience can help others because many of us have been there where our wives look at us like we are nuts.

Yikes, this is very long but I will post it anyway in the hope that it is useful to at least one husband.
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"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." - Aristotle
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newbie
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Location: Upstate NY

Re: Starting again

Post by newbie »

Thanks. I think......
Why do I feel like I was just scolded for not doing things right?
Anyway, I won't elaborate right now because I don't want to start something, but all I can tell you is that it's not all about the devices all. I too wrote a lovely letter to my wife about all my feelings, but it still wasn't well received. I'm just trying to get her used to me wearing the device to start with, and then go from there. I never even considered this any type of D/s dominatrix thing, so not sure where ghost came from, and as incredible as it seems, I'm not a chronic masturbator......what's wrong with me?
I suppose everyone's different and foes this for their own reasons. We should all remember that.
I also suppose that I should expect this type of help, even though I just wanted a place to document my journey.
Thanks for you help and ideas.
I'll write a follow up to hopefully better explain where I'm at mentally with chastity. At some point, little gun shy right now.
0 x
Last orgasm: October 20, 2016. Masturbated while locked. :(

Last PIV: been a while

Device used: CB6000s, Holy Trainer V2 (part time) Black Short and Clear Standard.
Currently locked part time in a Clear Holy Trainer V2 Standard, 40mm ring.
belocked
Posts: 246
Joined: Thu Dec 26, 2013 1:46 pm

Re: [newbie] Starting again

Post by belocked »

newbie wrote:Why do I feel like I was just scolded for not doing things right?
I completely understand your reaction but don't let it stop you sharing your experiences. We've all had a different road to get where we are and I think you're taking a good approach towards your KH. She needs to see what's in it for her, not for you.
Good luck and take your time.
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newbie
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Re: [newbie] Starting again

Post by newbie »

Thank you. I really do appreciate that. I'm trying to do this the best way that works for our situation.
Right now I just want her to get comfortable with me being in chastity, and showing her how it makes me want to do special things for her and do more cuddling, etc. The last time I tried this I was way too "in her face" (figuratively of course) and much too horny and it eventually turned her off from the whole thing. This time is different. I won't be discouraged from posting here, and look forward to posting more updates.
0 x
Last orgasm: October 20, 2016. Masturbated while locked. :(

Last PIV: been a while

Device used: CB6000s, Holy Trainer V2 (part time) Black Short and Clear Standard.
Currently locked part time in a Clear Holy Trainer V2 Standard, 40mm ring.
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locked4her55
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Re: [newbie] Starting again

Post by locked4her55 »

newbie wrote:Thank you. I really do appreciate that. I'm trying to do this the best way that works for our situation.
As it should be because there is no right way or wrong way to do this.

Also don't get discouraged if you don't receive many replies on The Journey Thread. If you read the rules, this is a place to post your Journey without soliciting a lot of feedback.
The threads in this forum are meant for journaling (blogging, a diary, etc.). While other members may respond in the thread, please keep comments to a minimum. This will keep the important conversations in the discussion forums.
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Happily secured since 4/2010 :-)
Have worn CB3000, CB6000s, MM Jail Bird & Watchful Mistress,
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newbie
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Re: [newbie] Starting again

Post by newbie »

Thanks. Just looking forward to writing my journal. For the record, last night was some cuddling but nothing beyond that, which I took as a good thing. She has been very affectionate and thoughtful lately.....good sign? I think so...... :)
0 x
Last orgasm: October 20, 2016. Masturbated while locked. :(

Last PIV: been a while

Device used: CB6000s, Holy Trainer V2 (part time) Black Short and Clear Standard.
Currently locked part time in a Clear Holy Trainer V2 Standard, 40mm ring.
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newbie
Posts: 259
Joined: Mon Jul 22, 2013 6:44 am
Location: Upstate NY

Re: [newbie] Starting again

Post by newbie »

Making progress....

Last night after watching the big game, my wife and I went to bed. I had been wearing my device for most of the weekend, with the exception being showering and cleaning it. Once we got to bed it was apparent that my wife was feeling frisky, which doesn't happen every day, and especially when I know she's tired.

We started cuddling and enjoying each other, which went on for a very long time, both of us getting more and more turned on. We both got each other pretty worked up, and this went on for a very long time. We eventually drifted off to sleep. In the early morning, we sort of picked up where we left off and started doing the same things again. While all this was going on, the thought that kept running thru my head was that "she does realize I'm wearing a chastity device, doesn't she?". I was pretty sure she did because she had bumped into it before while we were in bed, but she had never actually reached out for it or made a concious effort to touch it before.......always "accidental". So at this point I made the decision to press on, and it was the right time for me to perform oral for her. As I began to shift around to get into position, her foot came up and went up under my sac and began stroking it and rubbing up against it. This led to her foot going up to my device and rubbing that. At this point I knew that she was well aware of the device, and might actually start to embrace my wearing of it. She caressed it with her foot for quite a while, it was very hot. After I finished going down on her and she was satisfied, we cuddled some more. At this point I double checked with her to make sure she was satisfied and had cum, since she was very quiet probably due to the kids being in the next room. She told me that she had, and asked me "don't you want to cum?". I told her no and that I just wanted to make sure she enjoyed it. She replied with an "ok". I was pretty excited about all this. After all this she really seemed happy and loving toward me. I am a very happy guy this morning. I am hoping this is something that we can continue, so I'm optimistic but cautious....still taking it one day at a time. I do think this may have been a good sign though.
0 x
Last orgasm: October 20, 2016. Masturbated while locked. :(

Last PIV: been a while

Device used: CB6000s, Holy Trainer V2 (part time) Black Short and Clear Standard.
Currently locked part time in a Clear Holy Trainer V2 Standard, 40mm ring.
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newbie
Posts: 259
Joined: Mon Jul 22, 2013 6:44 am
Location: Upstate NY

Re: [newbie] Starting again

Post by newbie »

There hasn't been a whole lot to report the last couple of days, which is fine with me since that also means she's still ok with the whole thing. We've been going thru our daily routines and sleeping habits just like we always have, with our normal cuddling at night except with me being locked now. I have noticed that when we cuddle up at night with me tight in behind her against her backside, my holy trainer sits nicely against her butt with just enough contact to let her know it's there. She tends to move her butt against it and press back into it, although maybe some of that is my wishful thinking but I don't think so. At any rate, she seems to have accepted me being locked, and that I'm not looking for intercourse everytime we start cuddling of fooling around a little in bed, which is pretty much the way it used to be. I think this is somewhat of a relief to her and makes her feel that we can enjoy each other without her having to worry about having to either reject my advances or take things further if she's not in the mood. Like I said in an earlier post, after I made her cum by going down on her she seemed ok with the face that I didn't want to cum when she asked me. I've told her that the important thing for me is to make sure she enjoys herself. In the past, it always seemed that it was usually me who was horny and wanting sex and she could go for quite a while without it, far longer than I could. In the past few months it seems that she is more open to foreplay and then going wherever that takes us. I do know that I'm going to need to cum pretty soon, either by PIV or maybe a HJ/BJ, to at least make her feel that she's desireable (which of course she is) and that she turns me on (which of course she does) and doesn't start thinking that I don't want to make love to her anymore. That's not the goal here, and I'm certanly into abstinance. I feel that I could go longer, but right now it's been about 17 days since my last O and that was a HJ from the misses, right after I made her O from oral. It's been a month since we did PIV.

This morning I cleaned the holy trainer up with soap and warm water like I always do, and then went into the bedroom where she was still sitting drinking her coffee and I put all the pieces back into the pink bag in my nightstand while I was talking to her and in full view of her. She knew what I was doing even if she wasn't watching directly. I was almost waiting for her to say something along the lines of "I don't know if I want to keep doing this or not" or something like that because that situation would have been a perfect segway. Instead she just went on with what we were talking about. The fact she didn't take that opportunity to say something really got me going. I love her so much, and she amazes me everyday with how accepting she is with me and my different "interests". I so hope we can keep moving forward with this. To be honest, I have noticed that there is more closeness between us now since we've been doing this, we seem to tell each other that we love each other more, and definitely cuddle and spoon (I think that's the right word, seems so 1950's) alot more. The fact I'm locked and she can feel the devise doesn't seem to repel and disgust her like it did the first time. In fact, like I said in an earlier post, she was even caressing it with the top of her foot when I was performing oral on her. What a turn on that was, I certainly was leaking alot of pre-cum on that one, almost to the point that I thought I might have cum a little but I didn't.

She is suppose to travel for work next week from Tuesday evening thru Friday evening, so I was considering giving her a key and let her take it with her, leaving the second key hidden or in a sealed envelope (or something along those lines) while she's gone. Still considering that. Right now I occasionally stay locked (on my own) for a couple of days, but it's hard to believe it's that invisible for work and doing stuff around the house where the kids could see. The other thing is that my son still like to wrestle in the living room or hop up in my lap to watch something on tv, so I am usually pretty aware of how my device is positioned. It would be hot though to give her a key to take with her, but I don't want to push it since things are going so well. Speaking of keys, I have considered giving her a key to leave on her nightstand to give to me to unlock whenever she wants the "real thing" when we're fooling around...instead of always oral for her. I don't see this as being a real "keyholder" since I would still probably lock myself up in the evening and unlock in the morning, this would just be a way for her to tell me she wants me to take it off. Just a thought.

I know this is a long post, but it really help me to write all this down in a diary format and get it off my chest.

Thanks for reading. Stay tuned.
0 x
Last orgasm: October 20, 2016. Masturbated while locked. :(

Last PIV: been a while

Device used: CB6000s, Holy Trainer V2 (part time) Black Short and Clear Standard.
Currently locked part time in a Clear Holy Trainer V2 Standard, 40mm ring.
MiFlyboy
Posts: 17
Joined: Tue Feb 14, 2012 9:29 pm

Re: [newbie] Starting again

Post by MiFlyboy »

Just keep in mind this one simple question " What is in it for her? or What is the benefit to her?

Everyone focuses on what they want, not what their SO wants. As others have written try a paradigm shift; for my SO it was excessive masturbation, and catching me in the act. She immediately took charge of my orgasms, and we have not looked back. By the way, that was almost 20 years ago :-)

Good Luck!

FlyBoy
Down & Locked...Check
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