[chastehub] better husband, better lover

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[chastehub] better husband, better lover

Postby chastehub » Sun Dec 15, 2013 5:19 am

MyBride and i are in our 50s, and have been married for 20 years. We introduced chastity play over a year ago, in October 2012. The experience changed me, for the better. i have come to terms with who i am sexually: a submissive. i have become a better husband and a better lover. And the experience changed our relationship, for the better. We communicate more openly and have reached levels of intimacy we didn't know existed. We have started dating again and making love more often (albeit, a little differently than before).

It has been an interesting journey, and in the coming days and weeks i hope to share the highlights of that journey -- at times an emotional roller coaster ride -- and how exploring male chastity has changed us, for the better.
Sincerely,

chastehub
-------------------------------
If you have 'em by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow
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Re: [chastehub] better husband, better lover

Postby Lady M » Sun Dec 15, 2013 7:50 am

Yay! Looking forward to hearing your story!
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Re: [chastehub] better husband, better lover

Postby chastehub » Mon Dec 16, 2013 4:41 am

MyBride is very vanilla, and has always struggled with my kinkiness, which centered on classic bondage until we introduced chastity at the 19 year point in our marriage. With the introduction of chastity my submissive side came bursting onto the scene in ways that neither of us expected.

i like being tied up because i like the feeling of being helpless and her being in control: textbook power exchange. Over the years MyBride reluctantly played along because she could tell from greater arousal and stronger orgasms, how much i like it. Although she got better about teasing while i was tied up, she is a kind soul and never likes "being mean," even though i've told her a million times how much i like it.

i had been thinking about chastity play for years, but it took me a long time to work up the courage to ask her to try it. Although chastity had become a big part of my fantasies, it also scared me a little (and still does). Many a wise person have said about chastity: "be careful what you wish for." When i finally proposed the idea of chastity play, i also proposed that chastity be our only form of bondage, and that we return to vanilla sex in the bedroom. i don't know if that tipped the scales, but she reluctantly agreed to try chastity play.

Although our bondage play over the years involved her being the dominant, and me being the submissive, i had no idea what being a submissive meant until we introduced chastity. When i first locked on the CB6000 there was an instant transformation, being locked in chastity brought my submissive side surging to the surface and surprised even me. More on that next time...
Sincerely,

chastehub
-------------------------------
If you have 'em by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow
Locked off and on...mostly on...in MM JB since 10Jan14,
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Re: [chastehub] better husband, better lover

Postby chastehub » Tue Dec 17, 2013 6:01 am

When i first locked on the CB6000 it was like a switch was thrown; my submissive side can surging to the surface. i suddenly wanted nothing but to please MyBride. i created a contract that had me bringing her breakfast and making her lunch (including love notes on her napkin), making the bed, cleaning the house, doing the grocery shopping, doing the cooking, loading and unloading the dishwasher, doing the laundry, ironing, etc. i also started taking her on dates, buying her flowers, writing notes on cute cards, and blocking out one night a week to give her pedicures. And despite all the new workload, i was loving every minute of it.

i've often wondered what about chastity is so powerful? Is it the fact i can be in bondage, but still able to move about, including in public? Is it the fact i'm reminded of her every time i become at all aroused, or go to the bathroom? Is it the fact she controls my manhood and sex is totally on her terms? Is it the fact i become hornier and hornier with each passing day? i haven't really put my finger on it, but it was probably some combination of all the above, and maybe more.

Neither one of us could believe the transformation, and it lasted for several months. It probably would have lasted longer, but MyBride struggled with the kinky nature of enforced chastity. Again, she had a hard time "being mean," so she couldn't bring herself to tease me, or deny me orgasms while she enjoyed hers, even though i reassured her that that is what i wanted. Further, although she enjoyed the help and pampering, i had taken away some of the things she liked to do around the house.

The neglect started; there were long periods where she would not acknowledge my predicament. Not a physical touch or a playful verbal tease. In the contract we had included a clause that i would not top from the bottom, so all sex was to be initiated by her. i could offer services that might lead to sex, such as romantic dinners, massages, foot rubs, etc., but i could not make any direct sexual advances. As much as a couple weeks would go by, she would release me and stroke me to orgasm (massive ones), but not allow me to return the favor. She was a sex camel and i was in the horny desert.

Chastity play stopped being fun; it seemed there was nothing in it for me. I talked to her about it, but she was uncomfortable with the subject and it was always the same conversation: she promised to tease me, and allow me to bring her orgasms without feeling pressured to return the favor, but there was never any follow through. She couldn't bring herself to "be mean." Eventually the chastity magic wore off, and in a passive / aggressive move, i stopped doing the chores and romancing. We hit a dry spell.

More on that next time, but in the meantime i'm wondering how many of you may have experienced the situation where the keyholder felt smothered by new affection brought on by her partner's chastity, or disliked the chores being taken over?
Sincerely,

chastehub
-------------------------------
If you have 'em by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow
Locked off and on...mostly on...in MM JB since 10Jan14,
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Re: [chastehub] better husband, better lover

Postby chastehub » Sat Jan 11, 2014 4:19 am

As mentioned before, we hit a dry spell and stopped all chastity play for a bit. Over time i began to realize that the problems we were having with chastity play were caused by me; when the experience did not match my fantasies i became frustrated, rather than recognizing that comes with the territory when you give up control.

When we reintroduced chastity i worked hard on giving Her total control and playing on Her terms, not mine. i also focused on being a better, more attentive lover in the bedroom. i stopped trying to play outside the bedroom -- the whole service sub thing -- although my earlier attempts at being a service sub did result in me helping around the house more and she really liked that partnership.

She, in turn, started to respond more favorably and started to get more devious in the bedroom. She started to let me bring Her to orgasm without feeling guilt that i didn't get mine; She would just smile, kiss me, say thank you and roll over into spoons position. Within minutes She'd be snoring while i laid there wide awake, frustrated, wondering what Pandora's box i had opened, and loving every minute. She also started to tease about the cage more, both in and out of the bedroom, and saying little things like "maybe you'll get out tonight" and later that evening, after i brought Her to orgasm, saying "i think i'll let you wait a little longer."

Truly turning over control was and is hard to do, but i'm starting to realize that the experience is better than my fantasies. i still share my fantasies with Her, not to pressure or coerce, but just to let Her know what i'm thinking, and She is starting to do the same. We've settled into a very livable routine.

Yesterday the MM JB showed up, and we have reintroduced chastity for the first time since the CB6000 failed in November. As so many on the forum have said, the quality and comfort of the device is amazing. It did take a while to figure out how to pull my junk through the base ring (i had difficulty squeezing my nuts through, but eventually got everything in place), so i'm hoping practice makes perfect.

We had an evening event, and being experienced with CD wear, i decided to take a gamble and wear it out of the house (with emergency key handy). It appears we nailed the dimensions, the device is quite comfortable and secure and i had no major issues. i did get occasional pinches on the tip of my dick; i think small pieces of skin were getting between the device and my underwear, but those were relatively few and minor. i kind of like those little reminders that the device is there. i have continued in the device and expect to remain in all weekend barring any major problems.

When MyBride first saw the device on me she compared it to the mask Hannibal Lecter wore in Silence of the Lambs. i think the device is more attractive than that, but i can see why She said that. So we embark on a new phase of our journey; wish us luck!
Sincerely,

chastehub
-------------------------------
If you have 'em by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow
Locked off and on...mostly on...in MM JB since 10Jan14,
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Re: [chastehub] better husband, better lover

Postby Lady M » Sat Jan 11, 2014 6:52 am

Wow chastehub, it sounds like things are moving along in a good direction.it also reminded me that we've written some of those exact same things. It seems in the beginning things regarding control and fantasy ideas and all that cycle... we still have moments. We've had long conversations about "expectations" and how we need to have none because then we can't be disappointed and only enjoy what does come of our fantasies.

Ok can't wait to hear more of your journey!
Last edited by Lady M on Sat Jan 11, 2014 8:11 am, edited 1 time in total.
Lady: Wife & Keyholder to cagedmonkey who is locked 24/7
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Re: [chastehub] better husband, better lover

Postby belocked » Sat Jan 11, 2014 7:03 am

Sounds like things are starting to go well. We're still relative beginners, and it was the 6-day spell before Christmas that changed things as it was the first time I really changed and my wife got interested. I then struggled with the cb6ks and I'm working on getting the sizing right to order a JB, but it's really interesting to hear how/why things can go wrong. I know I have some expectations so it's important to read what you and others have said about learning to play on someone else's terms.

Good luck for the next days, weeks and beyond. Please keep posting so we learn how things progress.
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Re: [chastehub] better husband, better lover

Postby chastehub » Sun Jan 12, 2014 6:54 am

i continue to be impressed by the Jailbird from Mature Metal. i've been wearing it continuously since it arrived Friday and found it to be very comfortable; it is easy to forget i have it on. i went for an hour run yesterday and had no issues with the device. Cleaning in the shower is easy, and just a little lotion is all that is needed to keep things moving and comfortable.

Due to the custom-sizing and close fitting nature of the device, (attempted) erections are VERY different. Others on the forum have said that erections in the JB don't fully form since there is so little room in the device, and it has been interesting to experience that. A very different experience than the CB6000 where erections were able to form more fully and were accompanied by a burning sensation in the scrotum.

i'm still a noob with regard to the JB, and i'm sure there are many adventures ahead. i'll be interested to see how difficult it is to remove when i'm released; getting it on was quite a trick.
Sincerely,

chastehub
-------------------------------
If you have 'em by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow
Locked off and on...mostly on...in MM JB since 10Jan14,
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Re: [chastehub] better husband, better lover

Postby chastehub » Mon Jan 13, 2014 6:06 am

i have gone all weekend in the new MM JB without issue; the device is everything i hoped. The fit is quite "close;" i was going to say "tight", but that isn't accurate since tight implies pressure and there is no pressure unless i start to get hard. It is quite comfortable and there have been a few times i had to check to make sure the JB hadn't fallen off. In a few hours i'll be trying to get it off for the first time; hopefully that isn't too much of an adventure.
Sincerely,

chastehub
-------------------------------
If you have 'em by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow
Locked off and on...mostly on...in MM JB since 10Jan14,
User avatar
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Re: [chastehub] better husband, better lover

Postby chastehub » Tue Jan 14, 2014 6:09 am

MyBride wasn't feeling great over the weekend, so we haven't fooled around much since i started wearing the device on Friday. Last night She came to bed and as we snuggled She reached down and started to play with Her caged cock. She wasn't in the mood to play, She just wanted to tease me a little. After a bit She said goodnight and rolled over. It was my first raging hard-on in the JB, and although more comfortable (less ball burn) than the CB6000, it was still uncomfortable. After laying there for a bit holding Her tight, i eventually heard Her soft snores and i quietly got up to go to the bathroom and allow things to "cool down". Wow! i love that woman, and i am looking forward to getting back to our normal chastity routine after our long hiatus.
Sincerely,

chastehub
-------------------------------
If you have 'em by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow
Locked off and on...mostly on...in MM JB since 10Jan14,
User avatar
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